


trying

by whatsanaccounttoagod



Series: why tony stark is not allowed around genius and/or superhero children anymore [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bad Binding Habits, Birthdays, Bisexual Peter Parker, Broken Bones, Child Abuse, Crooked Cops, Death, Eating Disorders, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Homophobia but only once or twice, How Do I Tag, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hydra is shit, I'm Sorry, In the bed of a pickup truck, Injury, Iron Dad, Kidnapping, Minor Character Death, Murder, Not Canon Compliant, Not Shippy, Oh no muahahaha, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Tony Stark, Past Rape/Non-con, Peter Needs a Hug, Stargazing, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trans Harley Keener, Trans Pepper Potts, Trans Peter Parker, Trans Tony Stark, Transphobia, Underage Drinking, also i have headcanons i want to put in here, as in ive been spoiled too much for IW and i refuse to acknowledge it exists, because that is the only valid way to stargaze fite me, deadnaming, except its only mentioned, since i avoid writing romance most of the time, the media is mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-06-11 14:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15317544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsanaccounttoagod/pseuds/whatsanaccounttoagod
Summary: Sometimes, kids just won't come out of the closet.





	1. blood in the closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, kids just won't come out of the closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for blood and bullet wounds. summary at the end.
> 
> if you know almost anything about human anatomy, please correct me on my mistakes. i tried, but i dont expect to have done it accurately.

"Kid, come out." Had someone told Tony Stark, billionaire owner of Stark Industries, he would eventually spend his days coaxing an obstinate teenager out of a closet, he would have laughed.

"I'm not gay," the obstinate teenager in question retorted.

Had the circumstances been less drastic, Tony may have indulged in Peter's tomfoolery. As it was, he needed the kid out of the closet now. "Do I need to make you?"

"I'll be fine."

"Open the fucking door, or I swear to God-" He paused. It wasn't the kid's fault for getting shot, and he always tried to deal with things on his own. Poor kid probably felt like a burden. "Please." It took considerable effort to lower his voice, but he pulled it off.

"...Mr. Stark?" Peter whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad at me?"

Tony sighed. He wasn't upset with the kid. He was more upset with himself. He should have programmed Karen to alert him every time Peter was involved with anything more serious than street thugs. He could've made the suit bulletproof so even if he did put himself in sticky situations, he wouldn't be hurt. Should've, could've, would've.  _ Didn't. _ "No." 

The door opened a bit. "Not even for-"

"Did you  _ ask _ to be shot?"

The door opened a bit more.

"What the fuck, Peter." Blood dripped off the suit onto a small puddle on the closet floor.

"I'm so-"

"Why?"

"If I hadn't been shot-"

"You should've called me in, but whatever. It's too late now." Tony ripped off one of the bedsheets and stuffed it over his arm. "Come on. FRIDAY, pre-"

"I already prepared the medical wing, boss," the AI informed.

As he carried Peter through the nearly-abandoned halls, Tony let his mind wander. This wasn't the first time he'd needed to save the kid's ass, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. His lack of medical knowledge was a major inconvenience, but with FRIDAY and general common sense guiding him, he'd done pretty well in the "keeping Peter alive" realm of things.

By the time Tony set Peter down on a wax-papered bed, he was asleep, likely from a combination of blood loss and pain. Tony got to work immediately. Peter's enhanced healing luckily worked from the inside out, stopping the bleeding and repairing muscle before sealing over the skin, but it wasn't as convenient when the sealed blood vessels and muscle trapped the bullet in his arm. "FRIDAY?"

"Attempt to push the cephalic vein 0.8 centimeters toward his body." She brought up a diagram of Peter's upper arm, highlighting the vein in question. "If the vein severs, you will need to work quickly to ensure he does not bleed out."

Tony muttered a phrase he wouldn't have if Peter was still conscious. "Is there any other way?"

"You could attempt to cut out approximately two square centimeters of his short-head biceps brachii-"

"I think I'll move the vein." He glanced back at the diagram and quickly found the vein. It was sealed… barely. He usually wasn't bothered too much by injuries - he'd seen enough to be desensitized to them if he ever was - but the thought of the vein bursting made him queasy. "What are the odds of the vein breaking?"

"Approximately 78%."

"And the odds of him surviving, assuming...?"

"Almost 7%."

_ Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence. _ He sighed and went to work.

It turned out moving the vein was the easy part - he simply had to use a tweezers to exert even pressure on both sides of the weak point. Not hurting Peter worse was a different story. His first attempt ended with his hand slipping and the vein snapping back into place. He hoped the sudden change in pressure didn't weaken it further. The second time, he had to get Peter some anesthetic. It wasn't perfect due to his metabolism burning through a double-dose in under 10 minutes, but it kept him asleep long enough to get the bullet out. Another double-dose allowed Tony to sew up the skin. The only thing keeping him from freaking out was his determination to save his kid.

"Run a diagnostic." He dumped the dirty medical supplies in the sink for the moment. He could clean them up when he was sure Peter would be okay.

"Peter should suffer no complications from the surgery; however-"

Tony cut her off. "As long as he'll be okay."

"Boss, the bullet was made of palladium."

His heart dropped as he ran for a device he never thought he'd need again. "Where is it, FRIDAY?"

"A blood toxicity indicator should be located in the-"

"Never mind, I found it." Tony stormed into the lab and opened a drawer full of small old projects. He snatched the device from its resting place on top of the pile and turned it on, grateful for the battery's ability to hold a charge. As he ran back to the medical wing, he cursed his old bones. He wasn't getting any younger, but this was important. Peter was important. His knees could hold up for two damn minutes while he took care of this.

By the time he reached Peter, Tony needed to sit down. A chair had conveniently appeared near Peter's bed, most likely thanks to FRIDAY and her constant monitoring of his health. Whatever. It was nice now.

Peter had woken, but it didn't matter. He'd had blood tests before, and if anything, this was easier than most. Tony pushed the kid's finger against the device's sensor.

1.9% blood toxicity. Not enough to kill him yet, but better safe than sorry. "FRIDAY, whip up some chlorophyll."

Peter leaned over to try to see the BTI. Tony pulled it away. "What's that?"

"None of your damn-" Tony snapped before catching himself. "Nothing important." The chlorophyll arrived, and he quickly grabbed it.

"I'm-" The kid was cut off by the drink offered to him. "What's this?"

"Smoothie."

Peter sipped it and scrunched up his face.

"Yeah, kid, it tastes terrible. Bottoms up."

"Why?" He reluctantly sipped it again.

Tony hesitated. Peter probably knew something about his palladium poisoning (it wasn't as if the kid hadn't seen his old miniaturized arc reactors before), but he didn't want to scare him, either. "Better safe than sorry."

He took another hesitant sip.

"It goes faster if you chug it."

After a moment of contemplation, he downed it like Tony would expect someone to down a shot of whiskey and cringed. "Still tastes terrible."

"No, really? I never would have guessed!" Peter started giggling uncontrollably. "Come on, kid, let's call your aunt and let her know you're here."

He smiled all the way back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> Peter hides in a closet to avoid taking care of an injury. Tony coaxes him out and ends up taking care of him, with FRIDAY's assistance. It turns out Peter was exposed to palladium, and Tony makes sure he gets an antidote just in case.


	2. head up, shoulders back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has a chat with Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is based off an actual conversation i had a few days ago. i wanted to work it in.
> 
> please correct me if i got too much wrong!
> 
> no warnings for this chapter.
> 
> why do older people always comment on the handshake? it's like pointing with their middle finger. i always wonder why they do that.

Tony found Peter on the roof, and according to FRIDAY, it was the fourth time today he'd been up there. It wasn't surprising (after all, the view was great), but it was a bit concerning. "Do you mind if I join you?"

Peter nodded and gestured toward the empty space around him. Tony helped himself.

"Is everything okay?" Tony wasn't usually the type to sit on the roof and have a heart-to-heart, but something was up. Peter was more closed off than usual, and he seemed to spend a lot more time sleeping. Tony thought it was just him until Aunt May voiced her concern and asked if he could get through to him.

"Yeah," Peter whispered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He tried for conviction, but only managed to pull off annoyed.

"Kid, you gotta stop holding things in. If you don't let it out, it sticks around." He barely waited for Peter's acknowledgement to continue. "It eats you from the inside out, and it hurts you and the people you care about. You'll push everyone away. If you talk about it, it's out. It can still hurt you, but it's easier to work with."

Peter nodded, staring at the traffic below.

"I'm serious. You don't need to talk about it immediately, but it can be nice to get it out in the open."

"I don't want to bother anyone."

"You aren't bothering anyone by talking about your problems. Even if they're small, they're affecting you, and I'd rather hear about how much you hate Spanish than worry about you."

Peter smiled; it was more of a half-smirk than his usual big grin, but that was fine. It was a start.

"Accept that they're there, and you might not like them, but they need to be dealt with. Speaking of which, you gotta start accepting yourself. If there's something about you people might not like, who the fuck cares?"

"A lot of people," Peter muttered, playing with the hem of his shirt.

"They don't matter. If they don't like you for who you are, that's their problem. If you feel like you need everyone's approval to simply exist,  _ then _ that's  _ your _ problem. Just be yourself, kiddo. Don't shy away from that. Fuck haters. When I was in high school, I figured out some stuff that wasn't exactly popular. Had I taken my own advice, I would have probably been arrested, but you know what? I got arrested anyway. It didn't fucking matter. I kept it to myself, and it could've destroyed me." While high school was a breeze compared to his recent years, it certainly sucked when he was living it.

"You were arrested?" Peter raised an eyebrow.

"I paid good money to keep that quiet. Now shut up and let me monologue."

"I'm sorry."

"And we gotta work on that confidence, kid. You have zero. Zilch. Nada. Negative. Just fake it 'til you make it. Your appearance is the first thing people judge, and if you look confident, people will respect you more, whether they realize it or not." He gestured at Peter's fidgeting. "You can't let them know you're nervous. They'll eat you alive. Shoulders back, head up."

Peter tried to fix his posture, but kept slouching and looking back down. He settled for making eye contact with Tony and moving his hands behind his back.

_ Good enough. _ "I have to take you shopping sometime. Your sense of style isn't bad, but you shop the clearance racks and thrift stores, and it shows." He glanced at Peter's tattered shoes. "Actually, we're going now. Come on."

"It's fine, I couldn't-"

"You don't have a choice in the matter. At the very least, you need clothes that won't fall off if the wind blows a little too hard." Tony rose and headed for the door.

Peter sighed. "Nothing too expensive!" He quickly caught up to his mentor.

"Expense is relative." While most of the things Tony bought seemed like nothing, Peter would object that almost everything was too much. He didn't care; he would do anything to make sure the spark never left the kid's eyes.  _ His _ kid's eyes. A few thousand dollars in clothes was worth it to see him happy.

As expected, Peter objected to everything over about $10, which meant he objected to everything in the first few stores they went to.

"At the very least, let me get you some suits, kid." Peter's most formal shirt was in tatters thanks to Adrian Toomes, the Vulture. Tony needed to take his "intern" to do actual interning work, and he wouldn't let the kid do that in the grungy t-shirts he wore.

Peter relented and allowed Tony to lead him to a nearby tailor.

"Mr. Stark, a pleasure to see you!" an elderly gentleman boomed. He set down the tape measure and scooped some papers. "You brought your own measurements, as usual?"

"My intern's, but yes, I brought them." He motioned toward the youngster. "Mr. Kingston, this is Peter."

Peter offered a hand. "It's nice to- nice to meet you, sir!" He was clearly out of his element, and Tony had to commend him for his manners. He hadn't been the best in similar situations as a teen.

Mr. Kingston took his hand. "A fine grip you have there, Peter." He shifted the papers. "Now, the measurements?"

Tony backed away as Kingston attempted to pass a sheet. Peter took it and glanced over.

"16, 17, 29, 22, 30, 29." Had Peter not had super-hearing, he likely wouldn't have caught the whispers. Kingston certainly didn't.

_ 16 neck. 17 shoulders. 29 chest. _ He bit his lip at that one and debated changing it to its actual 32. Luckily, he'd worn a binder today, but he wouldn't be so lucky every day, and Mr. Stark still didn't know this secret. It took a surprisingly little amount of begging Karen and FRIDAY to stay in the closet.  _ 29 chest. 22 sleeve. 30 waist. 29 in-seam. _ There. That wasn't so bad. He'd just try to keep a spare binder in his room at the tower.

Kingston took back the paper and glanced it over. He placed a hand on Peter's chest. "Deep breath."

He did. "Is something wrong?"

"Do you have asthma?" The man didn't seem to be prying; rather, he seemed concerned.

"No." The kid bit his lip again. "I might have a slight cold." Tony raised an eyebrow, but didn't intervene.

The tailor didn't seem convinced, either, but accepted it. "Take a look and pick out whatever."

After what seemed like hours, Peter picked out three suits: pinstripe grey, solid black, and navy with red embellishments resembling spiderwebs. The prices weren't attached to the fabric, but they couldn't be cheap, and the kid almost protested at the thought of getting more than one. Tony insisted.

"Don't let him see the bill," he whispered to the tailor.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Even Kingston could see the excitement on Peter's face when he saw the Spider-man-inspired fabric. He wasn't surprised this enthusiastic child was the one who removed the iron from Tony's heart.

The suits fit perfectly, even accounting for the obvious cover-up. After all, Tony tried to pass off the exact same lie roughly 30 years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should probably mention peter's experience is similar to my own, though not exactly the same.


	3. out of the closet in more ways than one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Closets. Again.
> 
> What is it with this kid and closets?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa this is really short im sorry
> 
> i want to mention that the way peter phrases something is absolutely not representative of how i view it. i had a similar issue with it when i first started coming out and it took some people snacking me upside the head many, many times to get through. peter absolutely would not apply that statement to ANYONE else, he just has some self-esteem issues to work through.
> 
> tw for mild self-directed transphobia (?) and a lot of self-deprecation, as well as vague descriptions of injuries. a lot of these are throwaway lines, but if youre sensitive to that stuff please stay safe.

Ah, _fuck_. Who had the bright idea to wear a binder with no easy way out while crime fighting? Oh, yeah! This idiot!

Peter paused his internal monologue to flop in through his window.

 _Shit_ , that hurts like a motherfucker.

"Karen?" he wheezed.

"You have one broken rib on your left side and several bruised nearby. Please limit your movement for the time being. Your vitals are being sent to Mr. Stark-"

"Wait!"

> Mr. Stark: Dont move im on my way
> 
> Mr. Stark: And dont move in a way that could puncture a lung kid

Peter reflexively leapt into the nearest closet.

> Peter: im fine
> 
> Mr. Stark: No
> 
> Mr. Stark: You arent
> 
> Peter: did you teach friday to text like you dont have autocorrect
> 
> Mr. Stark: Some of us don't rely on autocorrect to get our point across.
> 
> Peter: O.o
> 
> Mr. Stark: Also, FRIDAY doesn't let me double-text. At least, not without considerable… Are you trying to distract me?
> 
> Peter: more trying to distract myself
> 
> Peter: knock please im gonna take off the suit
> 
> Mr. Stark: No. You'll puncture a lung if you move wrong.

_I'll puncture a lung anyway_ , he thought bitterly.

The suit was the easy part. He just tapped the spider emblem to loosen it and shrugged it off. Son of a bitch, that _hurt_ -

> Mr. Stark: Kid.

"Kid?" Armor shifting and the creak of the bed gave away Tony's position. "Oh, are you…"

"OCCUPIED!" Peter squealed. Shit, his voice jumped.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you?" He squatted to try to grab the suit. The tiny closet had other ideas. He may have shorts and something passable as a shirt on underneath the suit, but he wasn't ready for Tony to put two and two together.

"Don't try to deflect this. You need to take care of that rib before you hurt yourself worse." The doorknob jiggled. "Did you actually lock yourself in there?"

The doorknob was just a bit tricky, but if it bought him more time… "Yeah."

A sigh bounced off the door. "Come out, kid."

"Still not gay."

"You spent three hours flirting with Ned last night. Also, he likes you, too."

"You say that as though you didn't-"

"Come on. Please?"

Well, he'd find out eventually. A slight tilt of the doorknob had the door slowly creaking open. "I'm not a real boy?"

Tony didn't blink an eye. "First, bullshit. Second, we're gonna get that off you. Why would you even- I could- I-" It took a special kind of person to make him stutter. "We'll discuss your terrible binding practices later. Third, you're coming to the tower. We can at least make sure you aren't going to puncture a lung while it heals."

"It hurts like a bitch." The good thing about being out of the closet was his ability to pull the suit back up.

"Language." He strode back to the suit and offered his arms.

"Sorry, I cuss when I'm hurt." Peter tried to squeeze past the Iron Man suit, which quickly reached out and caught him.

"Ah-uh. Not today. Hop on."

A quick eye-roll was all the resistance he got.

A few minutes later, Peter was on a stretcher on his way to the medical wing of the old Avengers tower. Why did Mr. Stark decide to keep it, anyway? Convenience? Nobody would ever know if he didn't want to tell, and it seemed like he didn't.

"Cut it off. I'll pay for it," Tony instructed. He left the room quickly after informing the doctors of Peter's metabolism

"Sorry about this, sweetie," a doctor cooed before injecting him with a foreign substance.

He was out like a light.

* * *

"You weren't surprised." Peter tried rolling on his side, but quickly decided against it. "About…"

Tony moved to his right. "You aren't exactly subtle, Underoos."

"How long have you known?"

"Since I planned on recruiting you. Your records aren't exactly listed under 'Peter.'"

"That… makes sense." Peter laughed nervously.

"I changed that. Well, I started the process." Tony tapped his chest, an old habit from his arc reactor days. "The day you want to, I'll file the paperwork and make sure everything goes smoothly."

Peter's reluctance to answer made Tony nervous, but a quick glance at the grinning spider-kid chased away his worries. "For real?"

"Yep."

He moved to hug the billionaire and winced.

"Later, kid." Tony smiled and took his hand. "First, get better. We have time." _All the time in the world,_ he thought. Well, as long as Peter stopped getting himself into trouble.

Then again, Peter didn't look for trouble so much as land face-first in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ my fellow trans guys: please practice safe binding! peter did a dumb thing knowing full well it was dumb. if you think you'll be in situations where you're stuck in it for long periods of time, get a binder with a zipper/other release point. and please be very careful when binding daily or for more than a few hours at a time. don't be like peter and try to justify risking injury. trust me. your ribcage will thank you later.
> 
> actual plot is coming. im just a sucker for irondad.
> 
> :')


	4. why would you do this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter fails his perception checks, Tony gets a nat20 in comforting teenagers, and both are very, very upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder that this is IRONDAD and NOT STARKER since theres a part that dips closer to that line than id like. this is PURELY PLATONIC LOVE FOR A CHILD
> 
> sorry for another short chapter, im trying to pump out as much as possible before Circumstances(TM) either eat up all my time, take away my motivation, or disconnect my internet. probably some combination of all of them.
> 
> tw for kidnapping and a panic attack, though both are third-person.

Peter briefly woke to shouting, banging, and his spidey-sense. A quick glance at the clock revealed it was only about 2 A.M. He simply shoved a pillow over his ears. The neighbours were probably fighting again, and he needed the sleep.

Silence quickly came. His spidey-sense never stopped.

He ignored it.

* * *

 

"Good morning, Aunt May!" He dashed past the kitchen, waiting for her to stop him. He overslept, but she usually made him at least eat something before he left.

No response came.

Maybe she overslept as well.

* * *

 

"Boss, Peter is calling you from the suit. He seems to be in distress."

"Answer." He half-threw down his tools and modified repulsor. "Kid, how badly are you hurt-"

"It's Aunt May." His voice cracked.

"How badly is she hurt?"

"I- I don't…" Peter inhaled shakily. "I'm at the tower. I'll meet you in the lab."

The line died as he flipped into view.

"She- I-..." He seemed to be shutting down.

"Woah, Pete, it's okay-"

Peter ripped off his mask. Contrary to Tony's expectations, he wasn't crying. He simply leaned against a wall and stared at a different wall.

"What happened?"

He didn't respond.

"Yoo-hoo, Earth to Peter?"

He turned his head to face Tony. A single tear escaped.

"Are you okay?"

Peter nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Do you think you can tell me what happened?" Tony was shocked at his success so far. Yeah, he had a barely responsive spandex-clad enhanced kid in his lab, but rather than the anger he expected at not getting results, he simply felt concern. Progress, he guessed.

Peter signed something. It was times like these Tony wished the rogue Avengers were still here. Well, maybe not all of them. Clint would certainly be useful, though.

"FRIDAY, can you translate?"

"Peter requested a minute to calm down. Should I start a timer?"

"Ha, ha." He reached over and squeezed the spiderling's shoulder. "Take your time."

After a couple minutes, Peter looked up and inhaled. "Aunt May went missing last night. I didn't know until her boss called and said… her boss called and said she never came into work." His voice cracked again, and Tony resisted the urge to pull him close and never let go. They needed the information he'd have. "I heard- I heard someone fighting last night and my spider-sense went off but since it usually goes off for dumb things I ignored it and then May wasn't there this morning but I thought she overslept or went into work early or something and then she wasn't there tonight and-"

Tony gently shushed him and hugged him. "It's gonna be okay. We're gonna find her."

"It's my fault," he whispered.

"You couldn't have known." He fixed Peter's hair to try to distract both of them. It wouldn't do to get angry and make his kid feel worse.

He couldn't deny it any longer. This was  _ his _ kid. Peter brought out a side of him he never knew he had. It was ugly and horrible and mean, yet protective and loving and gentle. He rubbed Peter's back and stewed in his anger. How  _ dare _ they? What did May or Peter ever do to deserve this? The moment Peter calms down, they were going to pay.

It took a surprisingly short amount of time for Peter to compose himself. They quickly got to work finding May given the few details they had. Tony had FRIDAY scan street cameras in Queens around and after 2 A.M. but found nothing. Tracing her phone led to some place in central Wisconsin, but there was no way they could travel that quickly… right?

In the Iron Man suit, it would take less than eight hours. They could have easily taken her there in the nearly 18 it took them to figure out she was missing.

He resisted the urge to throw something and turned to Peter instead, who was still focusing on camera footage. "I might have a lead." 

He scuttled over, and Tony blew up the map.

"That doesn't look sketchy at all," Peter muttered sarcastically as he pulled up a ground view of the half-constructed building.

"It's what we've got. Are you ready, kid?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

They had a location. It was time to do what Avengers did best.

Avenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea how to write an actual panic attack. i dont remember most of mine, and i really don't know what its like to an outside perspective, so i ended up having my mom describe what shes seen of mine. its probably not accurate, so sorry about that.
> 
> dont worry, i hate me too.


	5. they save a family and gain some help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New places, new dangers... and no cell service.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THE UPDATED TAGS, tw for abuse in this chapter. i'll have a description at the bottom.
> 
> this chapter is very oc-heavy, so prepare for that. the rest of this story will be a lot less so (most of the ocs will be minor characters), but one will definitely stick with them for most of this adventure.

"Something's wrong," Peter shouted over the wind. His spidey-sense had gone off nonstop for a while, but he originally assumed it was birds and the like. Instead, it just got stronger the farther they traveled.

"Sure is. There hasn't been cell service for the past 5 miles."

"No, something…" He tilted his head and caught a faint shout. "Karen, can you amplify that?"

**"You're a waste of my time and money. I should've never had a child!"**

**A baby cried.**

**"Shut up!"** **_Thud._ **

**"Get away from her!"**

**"Then she should learn to shut her mouth!"**

**"She's only a baby!"**

"It's coming from that house." Peter pointed at a small blue trailer. "Karen, are you recording this?"

"Of course," she responded.

"FRIDAY, you too. Catch everything you can," Tony instructed.

"Affirmative. Save The Evidence Protocol activated."

"At least that's a better name than Screwed The Pooch," Peter joked.

"Shut up."

As they landed, Peter jumped off Tony and tried to cling to the side of the house. The siding slipped, so he leapt onto the porch soundlessly before glancing inside to see if he was detected. A child who couldn't have been more than 11 or 12 made eye contact and shook their head almost imperceptibly. A short, stocky man choked them against the wall, and someone he couldn't see screamed.

Peter turned on his comms. While they usually depended on cell towers, he figured they'd have some short-range function without. "Mr. Stark, he's…"

"I can see." Barely controlled anger tinted his voice. "Shall we?" Tony didn't wait for a response before firing a repulsor at the already-crumbling wall. Half of the roof fell in as well.

"Subtle," Peter muttered sarcastically.

"Shut up and help me."

The pair flew/flipped in the house as the dad punched the kid he was strangling.

"Look what you've done! Had you not costed me all this money, I could have fucking fixed-" He slammed them against the wall - "this long ago!"

"My bad." Spider-Man pointed a thumb at Iron Man as everyone turned to him. "I never taught this guy how to use the front door."

Bad Dad dropped the injured kid and went for the two heroes. "How _dare_ you! I oughta kill you here and now, you damn tre-"

A solid metal fist connected with his face, and he dropped like a rock. Peter started webbing the guy up while Tony ejected himself from the suit and approached the child, who was now accompanied by a crying Filipino woman holding a very confused looking baby. Baby and older child alike seemed to be trying to comfort her.

He bent down, and the group flinched. "Are you okay?"

They all nodded except the baby, who squealed, "Tata mmmmmm." The woman (most likely her mom) shushed her.

"Do you need anything?"

Only the older child shook their head this time

"Okay." They all seemed to be afraid of him, so he tried to break the ice. "I'm Tony."

"I'm Kaye," the mom introduced, voice cracking.

Nobody else volunteered anything.

Peter must have finished webbing the dad up because he cleared his throat behind Tony. "I'm Spider-Man, but my friends call me Spidey."

"What friends?" Tony jested.

"What- I have friends!"

That earned a smile from the kid.

"You take him in. I'll share the foota-"

"Don't." Kaye seemed to be the voice of the family despite her obvious distress. "He'll kill us."

"He won't," Tony stated.

"He'll lose his job, and then he'll take it out on us." Her accent was more noticeable as she spoke. "He will kill my other children."

"You had more?"

"Another son. He didn't know better, but… He took him away and said we would never see him again. He said that he was dead."

Tony glanced at Peter. He nodded knowingly.

"Please. You cannot say anything."

Spider-Man approached the group as nonthreateningly as possible. "It'll be okay, Mrs. Kaye. We can protect you."

"You don't understand! They will not take him in!"

Tony rose and patted Spidey on the back. "Keep an eye on them, Underoos. I'm going to review the footage."

He stepped back into the Iron Man suit and tried to make himself at home on one of the kitchen chairs. It bent and snapped under his weight. "I'll pay for it."

The spiderling laughed at the billionaire's unexpected tumble. "Karen, copy that and send it to Ned and MJ."

"I'll send it to Biderman Bois when you get a damn signal." Boy, was he glad nobody else could hear her. Who taught her to swear, anyway?

Spidey turned back to the scared family and crouched. "Do you need medical attention?" He glanced at the bruises on the 12-year-old.

They shook their head.

"What's your name?"

They tapped on the floor.

"What about your sister? What's her name?"

"Why are you here?" They spoke for the first time since he'd arrived.

"I…." Something in the air around him changed. His spidey-sense went wild. "What's going on?"

"Who are you, really?"

"What did you do?"

"It's none of your concern. Anyway, nobody's going to notice any of this conversation. What do you want?"

"From you? Nothing." Peter stood and turned away.

"Then why are you here?" They rose and tried to tower over him, but only managed to look like a kid who didn't get his naptime.

"We got a lead on a mission near here, and I heard something, so I came to check it out."

They didn't seem to trust him completely, but at least their curiosity was sated. They sat back down, and his spidey-sense stopped.

"Why are you here?" they repeated.

"I just-" _Oh. Right. They didn't see it._ "We're following a lead, and you happened to be on the way." Peter bent back down and offered a hand. "You're under our protection now, if you want it. New York isn't exactly… wherever-this-is-"

"Amherst."

"Amherst, but you'll be safe."

The kid took Spidey's hand and helped themself up. "Theo."

"Well, hello, Theo." At least now he could refer to Theo as something other than "the kid."

"And she's Abby." He clapped, and Abby squirmed to get to him.

Peter offered a hand to Kaye and helped her up as well. "How old is she?"

"Seven months." She clapped, and Abby leaned back toward her mother.

"She's so-"

Someone groaned across the room. It actually wasn't that far, considering the entire room had maybe 8 feet of open space going across. Everyone turned to the forgotten occupant.

"Why, you little-" He squirmed a moment before realizing his predicament. "You damn tresspassers! Kidnappers! You can't take them! I'll kill you! I'll- I'll sue you! I should've shot you the moment you destroyed my house!"

A hornet flew in, and the New Yorkers backed as far away as possible. Abby screamed excitedly and tried to grab it.

"You assholes! Look what you've let in! It'll take forever to get these bugs out-"

The hornet landed on his face, and when Bad Dad squirmed to get it off, it stung him.

"God dammit! I'm fucking allergic!"

After ensuring the offending hornet was far away, Tony poked him with his suit's finger.

"What did you do? Are you-"

"It's an epi-pen, dumbass." His helmet popped open solely so he could roll his eyes. "You think I've never had to deal with allergies before?"

"You just punched me and tied me up, and I'm supposed to _trust_ you?"

"You just strangled your kid, and I'm supposed to _care?_ "

"I could kill you, here and now."

"I'd like to see you try."

The angry man had no response.

"Exactly." He knocked out and picked up the web-covered man before turning to his companion. Spider-Man?"

Spidey turned back to the scared family. "Are you going to be okay?"

Everyone nodded.

"We'll just take him down-"

"We're coming with." Theo stepped forward and grabbed a set of keys off the counter.

"Leave this to the big guys." Tony headed toward the collapsed section of house. "Coming, Underoos?"

"We'll need to make an official statement, and you'll probably need directions, considering there's barely any cell service and no public Wi-Fi here." He stumbled through the rubble, seeming to skip like a bad DVD every few seconds. "I'll drive."

"Your car has five seats. There's six of us." The billionaire tried to keep up with Theo, but fell through the porch instead.

"How hard would it be to - please tell me those don't use fire, this place is already bound to go up sometime - to carry Dad in the air while I drive the rest of us?"

"Are you even old enough to drive?"

"Am I getting I.D.ed in my own house?"

"You guys!" Spider-Man yelled. Everyone turned to him once again. "Chill. Theo can drive us if he says he can."

Theo hummed and vaulted over the edge of the porch. "Come on! We don't have all day!"

Along the way, Karen pointed out the building they'd traced May's phone to. When Peter asked, Theo didn't have many answers.

"It's an old government building. They just ditched construction a long time ago. I don't think I've ever seen them working on it. As far as I'm aware, it's been abandoned ever since." He bit his lip. "I don't think my brother's dead."

"What?" Peter and Kaye turned at the same time.

"I don't think he's dead. I think he's just… taken. That's what this is about, right? Family members of enhanced people going missing?"

"It's happened more?" Peter leaned in, and Theo pushed him back over.

"Personal space, dude. Anyway, it's happened to a lot of my friends. None of us were super… open… about it, but anyone with powers? Anyone who's somehow managed to escape the Accords? Our loved ones would disappear." He didn't seem to be looking over, but he must have picked up on Spidey's shock. "You _really_ think the Accords _only_ affected New York? Wow, y'all must be dense."

"But your dad-"

"My dad found a guy working for someone who was trying to round up mutants. I guess that includes me. If it wasn't for me…"

"You can't blame yourself."

"I found the call records, traced the numbers at school. He definitely sold my brother off to hurt me. There's no way he didn't. They're targeting us. I think it's a trap."

"Well, what do you think we should do?"

"Isn't it obvious? We walk right in." He turned back to his shocked mother. "Sorry, _nanay._ This is how I'll make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> detailed summary:  
> They go to Wisconsin and end up in a place with no cell service. Peter senses danger at a house, and soon figures out something bad is happening. He and Tony help the people out of the bad situation, and they all take a little road trip. It turns out one of the people he saved lost a brother, but doesn't think he's dead. After all, loved ones of enhanced individuals who've escaped the Accords have been disappearing left and right, and not a single body has appeared.
> 
> baby babbles are adorable! the babbles made in this chapter are based off of things ive heard my baby sister say. "tata" is how she says "tatay" (father in tagalog).
> 
> "nanay" means mother in tagalog. theo doesn't know much, but he'll sprinkle in the few words he knows to try to sooth his mother.


	6. why impulsive rescues are bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is a mess. Everyone is a mess. Panic attacks suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW FOR ABUSE, A HOMOPHOBIC SLUR, AND A PANIC ATTACK. i dont know how to properly summarize this, so i havent yet. these will likely appear right up to the end of the story, so if you aren't okay with that, id recommend stopping. please dont hurt yourself over fic.
> 
> so i've been staring at a blank document for 4 days telling myself to write because i want to write except instead im staring at a blank document and waiting for my notes to turn themselves into a story
> 
> this entire chapter was meant to expose information but honestly i think it just became self-indulgent projecting.
> 
> im going to try to update once a week on saturdays or sundays (depending on convenience) until this is over. (shhh its technically saturday now)

Bad Dad smirked as the police officer came to his defense.

"You could've modified the video footage, or had an actor in his place-"

Kaye and Theo didn't seem surprised as the officer listed off ways the evidence could be faked.

"Are you kidding me?" Tony waved a hand at the remaining family, who flinched back. He glanced up apologetically. "Why would I fake this? I don't even know their last name!"

"Abarquez-Fjeld," Theo muttered, waving at Kaye and Abby. "I'm Zajaczkowski-Fjeld."

"Shut up, Tiana. She's a God damned liar is what she is-"

Tony restrained the urge to punch something. The last thing he needed was to get arrested himself. "You can have your turn when I'm done, Mr. Fjeld." He turned back to the cop. "I have never met these people before in my life. Both FRIDAY and Karen can confirm."

Both AIs agreed.

"Was the footage edited or faked in any way?"

"No, boss," FRIDAY stated.

"I didn't lay a hand on them!" Bad Dad snarled.

"Sean-" Kaye began.

"I did nothing to you! I gave and gave and gave and all you three did was fuck me over, you lazy bitch!"

_"You lazy bitch!"_

_He flinched, knowing the words would sting more than his hands ever could._

"He won't admit it, Mr. Stark. I'm afraid there's nothing we can do."

_"Oh,so  you can work when it comes to saving your useless ass?"_

Tony stepped forward, towering over the now-nervous officer. "You know, I could buy you."

_"You can't just sit on your heels and expect money to carry you through everything!"_

"We're a government building."

"I could buy the government." Tony didn't care.

"Wh… What are you gonna do?" The cop cowered under Tony's gaze.

_"You think you can defend yourself like this? You're pathetic, Anthony."_

"If you arrest dear old Dad, nothing." The billionaire flashed his sweetest press-smile. "But if you do nothing…" He slipped off his shades. "Who's gonna stop me from sending this to your boss when one of them dies?"

He gulped. "You couldn't."

"I can, and I will. FRIDAY, project the footage. Karen's, too."

"Th- It's- I believe you," he stammered as FRIDAY projected the first few frames. "Send the footage to CPS. They'll take care of him."

"Wonderful." Tony turned to leave, but changed his mind. "Oh, by the way… If he's let free without a restraining order against him from all his family members, I know who to call."

"Yes- Yes, sir," he squeaked.

After they settled in the car and Peter was chatting with Kaye and Abby, Tony pulled up a list of hotels in the area and set his phone on the dash. "Do you guys have nothing fancier than a discount room in this entire town?"

"We aren't exactly New York," Theo muttered as he picked one out. "Try this one. Reviews seem good."

"Fairfield, huh?" He glanced at the reviews. "FRIDAY, book two rooms."

"For how long?"

"Give us a week." He turned to a tense Theo. "Sound long enough?"

"You could probably explore half the state in that time." He grit his teeth and slammed on the brakes as a truck cut him off.

"Just breathe, Theo," Kaye called from the back. "It's fine."

"The noon rush is horrible and we're all going to die."

Traffic seemed light to the New Yorkers, but then again, this barely seemed like a city to them.

"By the way, I have to be at the school…" He paused, never even glancing at the clock. "Ten minutes ago." He cussed and slipped off his hoodie. "Take off your mask and throw this on over. If anyone asks, you're a cosplayer. Works all the time."

"Kid, we can-"

"With all due respect, sir, nobody in this town blinks an eye at anything. A Spidey cosplayer is mild." He rolled his eyes. "If you knew what I did in my free time, you wouldn't be so concerned."

"What _do_ you do?" Spider-Man ripped off his mask. "I'm Peter, by the way."

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret, now, would it?"

When they arrived at the hotel a few minutes later, Theo just pulled up to the front. "I'll need this later. Take in Abby's seat. This car doesn't lock, and I don't trust it to stay put."

"Wait!" Tony waved the window down before the teen could drive off. "We need to get you guys somewhere safe. And permanent. Hotels get boring after a while."

"You're telling me?" he muttered. "We'll be fine."

"Why don't you stay at the tower with us."

Peter perked up behind him and jumped around excitedly.

"You can take Mom and Abby, but I actually have a life here, you know." He let off the brake. "Can we talk about this later? I really have to go. House opens in half an hour, and I need to run through cues. By the way, I'll send you everything I have on that building between stuff." He pulled off, leaving the group to fend for themselves.

"At least we have a room?" Peter offered.

Tony messed up the kid's hair. "We will in a minute."

Not long after they got there, he received a text.

 

> unknown: hey so theres a little security issue that allowed me to kinda break into your stuff
> 
> unknown: sorry bout dat i dont have your number
> 
> Iron Man: But you can hack my phone
> 
> unknown: actually i hacked your SUIT which is linked to your phone
> 
> unknown: btw this is a disposable number im ditching it after this convo dont save it
> 
> Iron Man: Youre 16 and you hacked my suit
> 
> unknown: im 17 give yourself some credit
> 
> Iron Man: How long did it take you
> 
> unknown: like a minute or two not counting the time i spent getting the admin password
> 
> unknown: idve been faster but i had to do it manually since your phone doesnt have the backdoor i usually exploit
> 
> Iron Man: Youre 17 and hacked my suit in under 5 minutes
> 
> unknown: yeah??? cant you
> 
> unknown: anyway the infos in friday now please tell her shes amazing and i love her
> 
> Iron Man: Thank you! -FRIDAY
> 
> Iron Man: Oh wow shes never done that before
> 
> Iron Man: So are you going to tell me how you got in?
> 
> unknown: already uploaded the patch to your suit and im gonna do it to spideys too
> 
> unknown: done now i cant get in :'(
> 
> Iron Man: Will it affect anyone else
> 
> unknown: does anyone else have their phone linked to their superhero suit like this
> 
> Iron Man: Doubt it
> 
> Iron Man: I want the patch anyway what if your code is messy
> 
> unknown: probably is tbh
> 
> unknown: gafftape.txt
> 
> unknown: it ip-blocks intruders and has friday alert you
> 
> unknown: anyway curtains in 5 gtg
> 
> Iron Man: What does that even mean
> 
> unknown: it means i am in a theatre and the curtains will open to start the production in 5 minutes
> 
> unknown: stacy's yelling at me to get ready cya
> 
> Iron Man: Thanks
> 
> unknown: np give me the hot goss when youre back

He shook his head in exasperation. _Teenagers_.

When he and Peter got to the incomplete building, he pulled up Theo's information. Sadly, it wasn't much: it started as a government building long ago and was abandoned not too long after it started. It didn't show up on satellite maps, though it was clearly there and the map had been updated just this year. Tony had a bad feeling about it, though Peter seemed relaxed.

"Well, kid, you ready for this?"

Spider-Man squealed and tried to kick down one of the doors. Sadly, he only managed to launch himself backward about ten feet. He winced, and Iron Man grinned.

"Take your time, why don't you?" He knew he shouldn't laugh, but his kid's exaggerated movements told him it was all an act. One hand helped the kid up while the other blasted the door in.

A scan of the room only revealed May's phone and a note:

LEFT YOU A MESSAGE.

"FRIDAY, scan her phone for videos or images taken after she was kidnapped. Spidey?"

"Karen already scanned. We got nada."

FRIDAY finished her scan. "I've found one video. Shall I send it to Peter as well?"

"No, just project it. We can both watch." Tony stepped out of his suit, finding it easier to fiddle with the video if he had a better range of motion.

"Decrypting… Complete."

A man flickered to life on the screen, smirking. "Hello, Spider-Man. Did you find your friend?"

_"I suppose you just ran off and found your friend?" He spat. "I expected better, Anthony. Starks don't run from their problems."_

"I suppose Iron Man is there too, huh? Well, he might as well hear this, too."

_"You might as well hear it from me first, you fucking fag. Get used to it."_

"You can have your aunt, and Chronos can have his brother." He turned the camera to Aunt May and a stocky blonde guy, both uninjured.

_"You can have it," Tony spat as he threw the device at his father. "Maybe it'll help you find your good ol' pal Captain-Fucking-America!"_

_He relished that he was able to get as far as he did before he was-_

"All you need to do is sign the Accords." He gestured at an address edited in the corner.

_Not even a hint of remorse showed as Steve left Tony to either bleed out or freeze to death in the Siberian winter._

"FRIDAY, shut it off," Tony commanded. Maybe. He couldn't tell anymore.

"We'll deliver them to the same address exactly three days later. We won't hurt them. Scout's honor."

_"I would never hurt you. Scout's honor."_

The transmission cut off, but Tony didn't notice. He sank to his knees and tried to hold it in.

"Mr. Stark?" Peter finally noticed his mentor's state. "Are you okay?"

_"Are you okay?"_

_"Jarvis, get away from her! She doesn't know what she's saying!"_

"Yeah." He doesn't know if he said it or not. Probably not.

The spiderling reached out, but hesitated. "Is it okay to touch you?"

Tony thinks he nodded. A hand rested on his back and tapped. Breathing, right. That'd probably be important if he could manage it.

"It's okay. You're safe."

_"You're safe now, honey," Maria cooed over the phone. He wished she was there._

_"Then why does it feel worse?"_

"Mr. Stark? Are you here with me?" Someone took his hand. "Squeeze if you can hear me."

_And then they died._

He turned and pulled his son close.

_"Stark men don't cry… don't run… don't feel..."_

"I'm sorry."

_"...don't apologize…"_

"It's okay, Dad. You're safe."

Something in the background made noise.

"Uh, it's Saturday. We're in an abandoned government building in Wisconsin trying to find Aunt May. You're with me. Peter. Spider-Man. We found a lead, but not her-"

Tony wiped away tears (wow, it's been a while) and nudged his kid. "Okay, okay, you can stop it now. I'm not having a seizure or anything."

"You've been out of it for almost an hour. Thank God Theo contacted me, else I would've fucked up more. He's in intermission, by the way. Say hi."

"Not anymore," a voice crackled from a few feet away. "Yeah, Stace, I know. Five till act 2. Say hi to Tony Stark."

A faint "Oh my God you know Tony Stark" fluttered over the line.

"I say hi."

"OH MY GOD TONY STARK SAID HI TO ME-"

"Hey, sir, do you want to come to the afterparty? I can pick you up at the hotel."

"Sure, kid."

"OH MY GOD TONY STARK IS COMING TO OUR AFTERPARTY."

"Congrats, sir." A thud resonated through the room, and Theo became muffled. "Hey, if anyone needs me I'm moving to eight." He quickly became less muffled. "You took over our comms, and now- Oh, my God, Allan. I'm not setting you up on a blind date with Tony Stark… Dude, he's like, 50."

"48." He had some dignity left.

"As I said, like, 50. Gotta dim house, I'll text you in a minute with another disposable." The line went dead, but the phone chimed with a text message.

 

> unknown: save this one im gonna keep it for a couple days i was getting creeped on w the last one
> 
> Iron Man: Ill text you ifbi needbyou
> 
> kid #2: youre still having the panic attack you definitely need me
> 
> kid #2: as an untrained amateur i believe youre calming down so you assume its over but youre at that state where anything can and will trigger you
> 
> kid #2: i cant in good conscience let you fly home bc your suit is full body encasement and no easy grounding
> 
> kid #2: but you cant walk either its too far
> 
> kid #2: im gonna call you a lyft is there an address where you are
> 
> Iron Man: Ni
> 
> Iron Man: No
> 
> kid #2: k uhh nvr mind im gonna get you something better than a lyft
> 
> Iron Man: As in
> 
> kid #2: i just gave a dude who has nothing to do my last $5 and he said hed pick yall up
> 
> Iron Man: Thanks ill buy you food tonight
> 
> kid #2: you dont have to
> 
> kid #2: scratch that you do bc i dont have any money and i havent eaten today
> 
> kid #2: 30 til pickup do any work you need to now

Tony held out a hand. May's phone landed square in it, followed by a battery pack landing with a _crack_ on the screen. He glanced up. "Have you been taking lessons from Dum-E?"

FRIDAY had the sense to look sheepish. Well, as sheepish as the suit could. "Apologies, boss."

He glanced down. "Ah, it's okay, Fri. Fine motor skills are definitely lacking in the suits."

If smooth iron could smile, damn, would FRIDAY be smiling. Tony smiled back and got to work.

It turned out that not only was there no signal here (at least, not strong enough to carry a video of that size more than a few feet), there was also no sign of transmission or file transfer. A scan of the phone showed that neither origin file nor editor existed, though the video clearly had an address edited into the corner. At some point, the guy Theo paid to pick them up came, and Tony decided enough time was wasted.

 

> Iron Man: So how good of a hacker are you
> 
> kid #2: below average
> 
> Iron Man: Ill takr that as an amazint
> 
> Iron Man: Can you find where a file was transferred from
> 
> kid #2: cant anyone
> 
> Iron Man: Guess im no one
> 
> kid #2: oof she gon be hard then
> 
> kid #2: oh my god never take that out of context ever pls
> 
> Iron Man: Can you do it
> 
> kid #2: tbh i did it while everyone was laughing at "oof she gon be hard then"
> 
> kid #2: teenagers amirite
> 
> kid #2: theyre at the address they gave??
> 
> Iron Man: Wait really
> 
> kid #2: yeah wow they really are dumb
> 
> Iron Man: How did you find them
> 
> kid #2: you didnt scan bluetooth file transfers
> 
> Iron Man: People still use those for files
> 
> kid #2: yeah?? have you ever seen kids in a cellular dead zone beforr
> 
> Iron Man: Not before today
> 
> kid #2: ok well youre almost at the hotel so like. tell bill to meet me there ill pick yall up
> 
> kid #2: also spidey cant go in the front door thank god we got a back wall
> 
> Iron Man: Guess im god
> 
> kid #2: ah so that was intentional good work
> 
> kid #2: im leaving house be there in 10
> 
> Iron Man: It only takes 5
> 
> kid #2: traffics bad
> 
> kid #2: dont say a fcuking word abt how mild it is we dont have traffic here

All they had to do was wait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a tumblr (well ive had one for a while but this is going to be more writing related): [whatsanaccounttoagod](https://whatsanaccounttoagod.tumblr.com)
> 
> i just realized how wild it is that people in new york dont say yall. actually, people here dont say it either. except for sometimes. like, 30% of us say it.


	7. don't give the children alcohol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, yes. Afterparties at a place that spikes the drinks. Lovely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: ALCOHOL AND UNDERAGE DRINKING
> 
> im pretty sure the place o based it off of doesnt actually spike the drinks but it sure tastes like they do
> 
> SO i dont have internet at home anymore and have to post at school so new update day is whenever i have time i guess but at least weekly

"I'm seeing Tony Stark. In the flesh." One of Theo's friends stared in awe.

Theo rolled his eyes. " _Staaaace._ I'm _huuuungryyyyyyy._ Can we _pleeeease_ order now?"

"You aren't convincing me you're old enough to drive, kid." Tony bit down on a smile.

"To be fair, you only have to be 15 and a half to get your temps," he defended.

"You don't even have-" Peter started, eyes wide.

"Hey, everyone! Whatcha want for drinks?" A chipper young man glanced around, pausing momentarily as he noticed Tony. Apparently, a billionaire hanging out with a bunch of teenagers wasn't the weirdest thing he'd ever seen because he moved on quickly.

Pretty much everyone ordered some variation of the same drink, so the New Yorkers assumed it must be good.

"Alright, I'll be back in a sec!" he chirped.

"Wait!" Tony called out. When the waiter turned, he continued, "Put it all on my bill."

The table protested, everyone but Peter and Theo insisting they had their own money.

"Actually, I'll pay for them, and them, and, fuck it, them too." He glanced around for more tables likely hosting broke teenagers, but found none.

"Sir, that's the entire cast and crew!" Theo whispered, not expecting to be heard.

"That's the point," he responded, tossing a $100 to the now-baffled waiter. "For your trouble."

He stammered out a thanks and ran to the back.

"So, Theo, do they know?" Peter whispered.

"Know what?" everyone asked, leaning forward and waiting.

"That… I'm moving in with Mr. Stark!" Theo bullshat, remembering the billionaire's earlier request.

Tony raised an eyebrow.

 _Later,_ Theo mouthed as the waiter returned.

A few minutes later, they were situated with drinks and the promise of food. Eventually. They were busy feeding everyone. Tony sipped his drink, recognizing a familiar taste soon after.

"There's alcohol," he whispered.

Theo stuck his straw in and sipped. "There's not."

"There definitely is."

It took him a moment to recognize the glances everyone shot him and realize, "They give alcohol to _minors_?"

" _Noooo_ ," Theo insisted. "Mine doesn't have alcohol, and _they're_ all _adults_."

Tony returned Theo's earlier favor. "That is definitely alcohol." He tried to take the glass, but the kid moved it just out of reach.

"We just finished a show, okay? We need to wind down."

Nobody noticed Peter quickly down his drink. It's not like he could get drunk, anyway. At least not off of just one of these.

Food arrived, and the spiked drinks were temporarily forgotten.

After their third round of drinks, Dee (Tony pretended not to remember her name) challenged him to a drinking contest. Of course, everyone else had to join as well.

"Nope. I'm not indulging you guys and your-"

Somehow, they ended up in the back of a Walmart parking lot with about $300 in alcohol and cola, a new car radio, and a wide variety of music. Two empty bottles sat in Peter's lap, but he only had a minor buzz. Jose had work in the morning, so he just had a few beers. Dee sobbed over a 12-pack of rum and cola. Allan stopped after a few shots and hauled Jose and Dee home. Theo smiled and finished off another bottle of vodka.

"They're gone. I can tell you now," he announced without a slur.

"Tell us what?" Even Tony struggled to keep his words straight. "How you're still sober after drinking more than Peter?" He waved at the bottles of rum, vodka, and beer. How you haven't died?"

The kid laughed. "OP is drunk as fuck, but go off, I guess."

"What can ya do?" Peter drawled.

"Why'd I let you have booze again?"

Theo rolled his eyes. "Time fuckery. I can slow it down, speed it up, stop it… Sometimes, I can time travel, but I usually just kinda wake up on the wrong day. Going back is easier than going forward. Probably for good reason."

Peter's eyes lit up about as much as they could in his current state. "Can you do anything else?"

"I can adjust time for a certain obshect…" He bit his lip and swallowed the slur leaking out. "Uh, I can kind of see the past if I try hard enough. Mild precognition, too, but nothing great. More of an 'I know what you're going to say' than anything."

Peter caught the can Theo chucked at him just before it hit his face.

"Nothing like your spidey-sense."

"You overestimate it. Once, it didn't go off until a knife landed in my leg." The spider-kid grabbed the bottle of rum Theo was demolishing and took a drink himself.

Tony took the bottle away. "God, your aunt's gonna kill me." His phone went off and he groaned at the caller I.D. "And your mom. Tony." After a moment, he held out the offending device.

Theo took it. "Hi, Mom… Yeah, I'm fine. We're- Mom, we're working on the mission. Okay, I'll see you in the morning. Sorry for worrying you. Bye." He sighed. "Sorry."

"So, kiddo, wanna explain anything about the mission? I mean, as long as your mom thinks we're working, we may as well." Tony planned on remembering. He didn't know about the kids. Why did he give them alcohol, again?

"Uh, the address is my old house-"

"What?" the New Yorkers shouted.

"-except there's nothing there. It burned down a couple years ago, and we kept the land, but moved out. I never knew why until I figured out my dad was a Hydra agent." He glared as they opened their mouths again. "Oh, my God, stop yelling."

"You're not surprised," Tony pointed out.

"Yeah, not having emotions kinda does that to you." He tossed the empty bottles in the back of the car. "I ended up working off-the-grid for SHIELD, and lo and behold, guess where there's a Hydra base?"

"Why is your dad so mean?" Peter asked, holding back tears.

"The world is cruel." Cold indifference laced his voice.

_"The world is cruel." He glared at the battered child before him. "I've only been preparing you."_

Peter collapsed into Theo's shoulder and sobbed. When the kid offered an arm to Tony, he wished he could say he rejected it.

At some point, the trio fell quiet, only accompanied by the music in the background. Theo laughed.

"What?" Tony croaked.

"It's 3 AM, and I'm stuck in the void of no-sleep-no-feelings and the-vodka-is-wearing-off-feelings-intensify. Depression squared."

"Wow, mood."

 _"The truth about love comes at 3 AM-"_ the radio droned. Whose playlist was this, anyway?

Peter tugged at his shirt. "Ugh, I half wish I didn't bind today."

"Oh, worm."

"You're trans?"

"Was I the only one who noticed the deadnaming?" Tony muttered. "Also, same hat."

Both kids turned. " _Y_ _ou're_ trans?"

"Yeah, not that my own father realized I had… yeah… half the time."

They sat in silence. Whatever. It wasn't the time.

"Everyone assumed you were my boyfriend when you asked me that earlier," Theo muttered.

"Sorry," Peter whispered.

"I mean, it wasn't impossible on my end."

"Mine either. I'm bi."

"I'm not straight. That's all I know."

"So it's a coming-out party, huh?" Tony joked. "Anyway, I'm pan."

"So that's why my gaydar's been off the charts." Theo grinned. "We really do find each other, don't we?" He got up and hopped in the driver's seat. "It's probably time to go."

"FRIDAY, what's his BAC?"

"0.4," she announced.

"What's Peter's?"

"0.1."

He waved to the backseat. "He's driving tonight, kiddo."

The hotel was locked when they returned. At least they had someone who could stick to walls and carry them through the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you go, i need to mention I DO NOT CONDONE UNDERAGE DRINKING. alcohol bad underage drinking worse yallready know the routine but for real? if you decide you want to drink please do it responsibly and/or with someone responsible. dont drink and drive, honestly if youre drinking youre probably better off staying where you are than doing too much travelling. if you feel sick or bad overall please stop. if you have meds that say not to drink alcohol, then dont.
> 
> like, id rather you didnt drink, but since some of yall are going to anyway, i want you to be safe, okay?
> 
> also, this story is slowly coming to a close (as i'm adding this note, i have 8/12 chapters planned out, but all of my chapter outlines have ended up being two or more chapters, so it's more likely to be 15 or 16 chapters). i was wondering if anyone would be interested in a sequel? i might end up writing it whether or not there's interest just because i have lots of ideas i want to dump, but i also really like validation and tend to burn out really easily, so idk. maybe one-shots? anyway id love input on whether anyone wants to see what happens after, especially since if i write a sequel/follow-up, i might cut out one or two chapters entirely due to them being almost epilogues.
> 
> if youre nervous, or dont want to leave a comment, you can [send me an anon on Tumblr.](whatsanaccounttoagod.tumblr.com/ask)


	8. why is this child stuck in this hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangovers suck and Pepper stops by briefly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how to write roman numerals??

"Is this a hangover?" Peter muttered. "Ugh, why is everything so  _ bright? _ " A bottle of aspirin smacked him in the face.

"Rise and shine, there's work to do!" Theo singsonged.

The lump on the other bed groaned. He also received a bottle of aspirin.

"Did you even sleep last night?"

"More than usual!" The unusually energetic teenager popped open his laptop while Peter tried to massage away his headache.

"Hangovers suck. Remind me to never touch alcohol again." He dumped several tablets in his hand and glanced around for something to drink.

"You like blue?" Theo absentmindedly held out a bottle of blue Gatorade, his focus directed to a makeshift tracking map on his screen. A few minutes after he'd began tracking the phone, the owner moved. He travelled around the state for a while, and even now he hadn't stopped to rest. Where was he going? His travel route looped and curved nonsensically, ending up everywhere except the nearby towns.

Peter nabbed the drink without even instinctive resistance from the other kid. Even the night before, when he seemed at his most vulnerable, he'd always tensed a bit before truly handing off a bottle. After drowning the aspirin with a few gulps of Gatorade, he whispered, "Are you okay?"

"What?" Theo half-shouted.

"Can you get any louder?" Tony whined sarcastically. "It's not like you're the only one who isn't hungover or anything."

"OP can't hear for shit, but go off I guess," he sassed, slightly quieter than before.

"How aren't you hungover?" Peter asked. His hangover faded by the moment (thanks, radioactive spider), but even he'd at least had one.

"Life's way of apologizing for the alcoholism, probably."

He laughed.

"Honestly, if I wasn't so fucked up, I'd have killed God by now."

Peter just laughed harder.

"I wanna wallow in peeeeeaaaace," Tony muttered. "Go be edgy teenagers somewhere else."

Theo glanced at the bed lump and sighed. "I can speed up the hangover if you want."

Said bed lump flew up and promptly retched over the side of the bed. "Do it."

"Hey, I haven't told you what could happen because of it."

"Don't care. Want it gone." Tony winced at his own voice and managed to get himself to stop puking in the conveniently placed trash can.

"You'll probably feel a couple hours off until you get used to it. Like jet lag, I guess. Also, it'll hurt really bad for a few seconds before it goes away."

"I've had worse. Just do it."

"Okay. Aspirin first."

The billionaire dry-swallowed a couple pills and closed his eyes.

"Ready?" The kid didn't wait for his response before resting one finger his forehead.

Tony tried to remember what happened between Theo's question and being shaken awake, but came up with nothing and simply gagged one last time. "How long was I out?"

"26.5 seconds."

"It felt like-"

"Hours. I know."

Tony glanced at the three kids gathered around him. "Why is Abby here?"

Theo glanced at the baby in his arms as if just remembering she was there. "Mom needed to shower, and Tiny was fussy." He nuzzled her cheek.

Peter clapped twice and held his arms out. Abby leaned across the bed and clung to him, squealing and grabbing a chunk of his hair.

"No, Abby-"

She yanked as hard as she could.

"Ow! No, stop-  _ Ow! _ Abby!" He untangled her tiny hand from his curls. "No. That's bad."

She just smiled and snuggled in.

It was so sweet, Tony thought he'd get cavities.

"Well, kiddos, what's the plan?" He dragged himself out of bed before he felt compelled to hold the baby himself.

Theo glanced at his wrist. "Can you hold her a little longer? I'll be back before you can say 'Iron Man.'" He vanished in a gust of wind.

"Iron Man."

True to his word, Theo knocked on the window just before Peter finished, decked out in body armor similar to early versions of the Iron Man suit, other than its worn navy blue and royal purple paint job. As he opened the window, Tony could have asked several questions (ranging from "Where did you get that?" to "How did you move so fast?") but settled on, "What the fuck?"

Kaye came in and took her daughter, pretending to ignore her son half-flying, half-climbing through the window.

"Wait, Kaye." Tony tried to block her exit before realizing that would probably scare her. He stood a few feet away instead. "Pepper's flying through today, so if you're ready, she'll make a pit stop here."

"I need to get some stuffs," she stated.

"She can take you."

She glanced at Theo and bit her lip.

" _ Pumunta. _ "

" _ Pero- _ "

" _ Pakiusap, nanay. _ " At her hesitation, he continued. "I'll be fine. I'll call you when we finish this."

Kaye turned to Tony. "If he is hurt…"

"I'd expect nothing less."

She sighed in relief and nodded.

"Great! Pepper will be here in about…" He glanced at his watch, internally screaming when he found it dead. Don't his watches have weeks of battery life?

"It's 11:34," Theo supplied.

"About half an hour." He glanced at the kid and noted his awkwardness about the suit he'd brought over. Peter started fanboying all over it the moment Theo stepped out, and Tony was interested as well. "Hey, Time Machine."

"Chronos."

"What?"

"Time Machine's too long and misleading. That's Chronos 0002." He gestured at a time written on the throat. "The first two kind of got destroyed, but I didn't really change anything in the new model, so it's not worth an hour jump."

Tony nodded in approval and peeked at the inner workings. Most wires were simply taped to the inside, which made them fairly easy to follow from the controls. "Impressive."

"It's just a few scraps welded together and spray-painted." He shuffled and glanced at a scratch. "It's all manual, and the controls take some getting used to-"

"You made a suit capable of flight out of scraps. I'd say that's impressive."

"You did the same-"

He winced at the memory. "Yeah, when I was 38. You're, what, 12?"

"17, but-"

"My point stands."

"But I don't have any of the fancy stuff your suit has! It's not even completely bulletproof."

"Nothing is completely bulletproof if the shooter tries hard enough." He pushed it a bit. It was easy to move, yet solid enough to protect against most things. A more detailed search of the inside revealed a thin layer of rubber running between the metal and wiring. "Oh, thanks for reminding me. FRIDAY, add an insulating layer to my notes for Mark XLIX."

"It's just that-"

"Power lines fall regularly? Or you've faced someone with electrical powers?"

"Actually, I'm just paranoid a powered wire will touch the metal and catch wherever I'm standing on fire." He pouted at Peter's laugh. "Hey, my old house caught fire because two wires touched. It's not funny."

"Yeah, Peter. Have a little sympathy." The billionaire winked.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

Everyone laughed more. Theo just glared.

A few moments later, Peter abruptly stopped laughing. "Someone's here."

Tony approached the door and called, "Pepper, honey?"

"It's me." She strode in the moment he opened up. "Did you unofficially adopt another child?"

" _ No, _ " he stated in a way that told his fiance he absolutely did.

She sighed and turned to the only other responsible adult in the room. "You must be Kaye. I'm Pepper." She bent down to the baby's level, which was a bit amusing, considering Pepper was almost a foot taller than the woman holding said baby. "And you must be Abby!" she cooed.

After everyone got acquainted and Pepper was properly filled in, the ladies prepared to leave. Pepper turned back to Theo and stated, "I don't think you should be going in."

"It's not like I was a SHIELD operative up until about a month ago or anything," he muttered.

"You were  _ what? _ "  she screeched.

"Nothing, ma'am! I think it's time to go!" He and his suit vanished in a gust of wind.

She stared at the waving curtains. "He has speed?"

"Chronomanipulation, actually," Peter corrected.

"In English?"

Tony laughed. "He has speed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the conversation should roughly translate to "go" "but-" "please, mom" i tried but why are words so long
> 
> also finding out gwyneth paltrow is 5'9 is a shock. the tallest living person in my immediate family is 5'6. pepper potts could probably kill me solely with her height and honestly? id probably thank her for it.
> 
> okAY so i keep forgetting to mention this but i really love comments and i cry every time i get one so if you're afraid i won't like your comment please don't be lmao you could detail every reason why you hate me and id be glad you were passionate enough to leave a comment sjklhfsdkjhf i love kudos too but let me love you and cry @ the little email i get every time someone does something as simple as scream at me


	9. suddenly, hydra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get what they needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE 9 SEPT 2018: i uploadex this ages ago but didnt post it yet and yeah but yay for mass uploading this is all i have that i can access since google docs crashes every time i try to load the rest of it time to cry
> 
> ORIGINAL NOTE (23 AUG): i guess this is writers block?? i couldnt figure out how i wanted to word anything so this probably isnt the best but i tried.
> 
> also i have to get a ref of what all theo can do because my notes said knives but my heart said DETACHABLE FINGER BLADES and knowing me ill forget that and pull out knives later oof
> 
> WARNINGS FOR A LOT OF DEATH nobody important dies but they kind of kill a bunch of hydra agents and while its mostly offhand comments please stay safe if you're not okay with that

"You sure this is the place?"

Tony monitored Peter's drone and suit cameras, seeing nothing of importance. He was a bit nervous about not being able to monitor Theo, but it hopefully wouldn't be too big of a problem for now. He got a comm; he better use it.

"Yeah." In a flash, Theo and Tony were hidden in an old, overstuffed garage. "Wait here." The kid disappeared, leaving his armor behind.

Peter's camera whooshed in front of a guy who'd clearly been waiting longer than he wanted to. "Are you gonna sign? Or-"

Theo punched him. The guy barely flinched and pulled out a knife.

"What the fuck, Ginger?" the billionaire half-shouted through the comms.

Spider-Man punched the guy, knocking him out in one smooth hit. "What the fuck?"

"He's a bitch. And don't ever call me that again." The kid grabbed the knife, flipped it, and stuck it through the Accords guy's throat. "God, I could use some vodka."

"We could've used him!" Tony shuffled around the miscellaneous junk and clanked toward his kids.  _ What? No. Theo's not my kid. _

A voice that sounded oddly like Pepper said,  _ Keep telling yourself that. _

"We don't need him." Theo ripped the knife out the side of his throat, half-decapitating the poor dude.

Peter winced. "Why wouldn't we?"

"He'd've reported us the moment he woke up, leading to your aunt and my brother getting killed. We have to do this clean. There are no witnesses if nobody's alive to tell the tale, right?" Theo appeared a moment later with his suit. "Let's go."

Tony felt uncomfortably reminded of an old friend with a similar philosophy.

Peter quickly found the entrance to the Hydra base under an old apple tree. Theo glanced wistfully at the old piece of rope near the entrance before following the New Yorkers.

"Avengers!" someone shouted once he touched down.

He flicked his wrists and blades flipped out of his fingers. It only took a few moments for the group to disable (read: knock unconscious and allow Theo to kill) the agents in their general vicinity, but more were on their way, if the blaring alarms were any indication. "I could never be one of them," the kid growled as the last body fell.

Tony had to admit he was impressed. With some training in combat skills, he'd make a pretty good Avenger. He just had to lose that pesky habit of killing everyone.

A yelp echoed through the base and both remaining "heroes" whipped around to see Peter held at gunpoint. Tony was completely ready to surrender that moment, but a blade quickly embedded itself in the Hydra agent's throat. He and Peter stared at Theo in shock. He just shrugged.

"What? It was either kill him, or let him kill you and  _ then _ kill him, and y'all've grown on me." 

"You  _ really _ need to stop killing people, kid." The billionaire gestured at the bodies littering the hall.

"Look, I made us undetected."

"You fucked up a perfectly good stealth mission is what you did. Look at this. It's a mess."

Peter stepped between the two armored guys. "Let's keep moving." Whether or not he agreed with either of them was beside the point. It was over. They were dead. He could process it later.

A quick exploration of the Hydra base and a few bodies later, they ended up in what seemed to be an office.

"What is with all the alcohol here?" Peter muttered as he glanced at the vodka just sitting in a box by the desk.

"Everyone's a Catholic, and those who aren't picked up their bad habits," Theo muttered, not-so-sneakily confiscating the booze box before paying attention to the rest of the room.

Tony shuffled through a folder, looking for anything of note. This particular group all had STATUS: 5A1 stamped in the headers.

"5 meaning through training, A meaning high priority, 1 meaning unsigned. She's not going to be in there."

He turned to the strange teenager. "How did you know that?"

"SHIELD organizes their records similarly. Black Widow's a 5A1. You'd be a 4C2: physical modification, high-ish priority, signed the Accords." Theo turned to Peter. "You're a 2F1, and your aunt's probably a 6X3. Those would be the easiest to look through."

"What do those even mean?" The spiderling asked.

"Developed or gained mutation, close to the bottom of high priority, didn't sign the Accords, and related to an enhanced, low priority, Accords do not apply." The chronomancer pulled out a folder labelled 1K1. "Most civilians related to vigilantes are X class, just below military families at 6W3. My brother would be a 6X3 as well, but I wouldn't expect much as far as records. My family existed… outside the grid." He bit his lip. "That being said, if you come across a Jared Zajaczowski-Fjeld, or either of those, let me know, okay?"

Between the three of them, they quickly located files on both hostages and themselves. Tony almost panicked when he realized had he not signed the Accords, Pepper would have been taken as well.

"Well, we know where they are now," he chuckled, trying to hide his fear of impending doom.

Peter didn't find it as funny, but brushed it off. "Well, we're done here, right? So we should hand this over to whatever's left of SHIELD and let them take care of it."

"Yeah, kid, we should. Let's just ring up Fury- Oh, no! I seem to  _ not have any wireless signal available at this time. _ I wonder why that is?" One could hear his sarcasm a mile away.

"Wait, I got this," Theo muttered, grabbing some wires and (probably alien) tech off the desk.

"What are you doing?"

"Making a signal." The kid quickly finished up a small device and stuck his finger on top. Both FRIDAY and Karen alerted the trio cellular connection was restored.

"How good is it?" Tony asked, hoping it was actually usable.

"We seem to have nearly full strength," FRIDAY stated. Theo stuck his tongue out.

"Send our current location to Fury, wherever the bastard ended up."

"He is currently in-"

"I don't want to know. Did he get it?"

"It seems so, boss."

Theo pocketed the device, cutting the signal but keeping it just in case.

"You built a wireless repeater out of scraps," Peter stated, dumbfounded.

"...Can't anyone?" the other teenager asked, equally incredulous.

Tony made a split-second decision. "Do you want a position at Stark Industries? I can't hire you yet, of course, but an internship wouldn't look bad on your resume…" 

"Me? Why would you want me?" He grimaced. "I'm too much of a dumbass."

Tony almost gaped at this kid's utter lack of self-esteem before realizing he hid the exact same thoughts behind narcissism and money. "You built functioning mechanical armor for yourself from scraps. You made a wireless repeater from a few wires and some alien tech. You fed info to SHIELD while basically trapped by a Hydra agent. How are you a dumbass?"

"Don't fight me on this. I have a 1.8 GPA and I'm  _ not _ afraid to fail another year to prove a point."

_ Are you sure this kid isn't yours, Tony? _ "Just consider it. Worst case scenario…"

"Ugh,  _ fine. _ " The obstinate teenager who may or may not unknowingly have been a Stark left. "Come on, we don't want SHIELD to know more than they have to. I'm tired of getting in trouble for killing everyone."

"Then… don't kill everyone?" Spider-Man suggested.

"Lame," Chronos stated before disappearing.

The pair stared at the place he left. "Does he have to do that?" Peter asked.

"He's spent at least a decent amount of his life in a place where nobody cared if he lived and probably preferred that he'd die. He's going to show off."

_ "You're 15. And you got into MIT." _

_ "...Yeah." Tony smiled. "Wanna see what got me in?" Why pass up a chance to show off without the threat of punishment for not being better? _

Maybe what happened was fucked up after all. What a weird thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funny story this is about the second part of what i planned to be all one chapter. as of right now, chapters 8/9/whats PLANNED to be 10 were meant to be ch. 7. obviously, that didnt work out, but eh.


	10. why is everyone an alcoholic again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You better not die, you stubborn ass."  
> -Pepper, probably.  
>  ...make that definitely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okayokayokay so we're coming to the end of this specific arc BUT i need to wrap some stuff up before i leave it so if i decide i just dont want to write a sequel i dont have to but also i can if i want to
> 
> ill probably end up doing some one-shots after it though
> 
> UPDATE 14 SEPT 2018: SO I LEARNED AO3 ISN'T BLOCKED AT SCHOOL THANK GOD @ ADMINISTRATION I LOVE YOU im a bit surprised because ff.net and wattpad are both blocked so like... what makes ao3 special?? the world may never know

Tony tried to sleep for Peter's sake. He really did. He ended up laying awake, hands itching to do almost anything. Tired, but not enough.

_ Starks don't sleep. _

It was 22:24 when they got back. Peter went to sleep with the promise that Tony would at least try to get some rest tonight. By the time they both got in bed, it was 23:08.

Glass shattered.

00:47, he noted as he ran for the door.

Theo knelt by the table, pulling glass out of the carpet. As his door opened, he whispered, "Sorry, sir. I'm cleaning it up."

The billionaire shut the door behind him and strode toward the kid, grabbing a trashcan on the way. "What are you doing?"

"Drinking. Helps me sleep."

It took a moment to glimpse the well-hidden purple around his eyes. Between his glasses, the lighting, and a touch of makeup, the bags almost disappeared.

"It's almost 1."

"Bars close at 2."

"Helps you sleep, you say?" Why wasn't he putting a stop to this?

The kid giggled. It briefly dawned on Tony that after the 3 bottles of vodka on the table (and likely most of the one on the floor, too) the kid probably shouldn't be alive, much less passably sober. "Yeah."

One shot couldn't hurt… could it? Just to help him sleep.

When he looked at the clock again, it was 03:50 and they were down to one bottle of vodka each. Why were the clocks running on 24-hour displays?

"This is pointless," Theo stated, almost without a slur. Only his slight lisp gave away exactly how drunk he was. "We've done this hundreds of times. We either surprise them and they kill them, or we give them warning and they kill them. Everyone."

Tony hesitated. He'd been ready to die for his kid, but was he willing to let others die to have one last chance? Was he so hell-bent on winning that he'd allowed everyone else (there were definitely more than Aunt May and Jared) to die?

"Peter wanted to try again. This is the last timeline with even a 1% chance of success. I can rewind all I want. It won't change anything after this… but I'd do it."

So it wasn't all on Alternate Timeline Tony after all. He certainly had an interesting time convincing himself of it. "Is 'ere nu'in…" he slurred.

"Nope!" the kid stated cheerfully, his face betraying him. "We tried, and it don't pay to repeat a doomed timeline." His voice cracked halfway through.

Tony tried to reason with himself through his dizziness. If someone who could literally manipulate time couldn't change the outcome, how could he? Sheer spite can't fix everything, can it? Was this just another attempt to prove himself wrong?

He glanced at the clock again. 04:01. "Sh'd slee'," he muttered.

Theo laughed mirthlessly. "Hard to when you know." He passed Tony a blue Gatorade without explaining. He didn't need to. "Drink up and take your own advice."

Once Tony was back in bed and Theo let himself out, Peter processed what he'd heard. Was it really that bad? Was there truly no hope? Had he doomed everyone?

"Karen? Would you please call Miss Potts?" After all, it was almost 7 there on a Monday, and Mr. Stark certainly wasn't in any state to deal with school officials.

"Peter?" She answered after the first ring.

"Hey, Miss Potts. Could you call me in sick? And maybe get Theo's mom to call him in?"

"I'll handle it, Is Tony-"

"I don't think Mr. Stark is… He's sleeping."

She got the point. "Can you make sure he's okay?"

Peter smiled. "Of course."

"Theo, too. Something about him reminds me an awful lot of Tony."

Now was probably a bad time to mention it, but he figured Miss Potts would want to know. "I'm pretty sure they're alike in more ways than they'll admit."

"Please tell me they don't…"

"They do. Just a sec, I'm switching to video." He turned his phone and reduced the volume to almost nothing. "The graceful Mr. Stark!" he narrated, turning the camera toward a certain snoring billionaire, currently drooling with an arm hanging off the side of the bed.

"FRIDAY, save it." She couldn't quite hide her amusement, even if she didn't exactly approve of her fiance's drinking.

"Saved to  _ Tony's Top Moments _ ."

"Aaand…" He dashed for the door to the other room and hoped Theo left his side open. When their door opened to an open room, he whispered, "...the dazzling Theo-"

The other teen whipped his laptop shut and shoved a bunch of unidentifiable objects (likely made from scrap metal) off the table before realizing who was actually there. "What the  _ fuck, _ Peter?"

"You're… You're…"

"You and I both know damn well I'm not." He rolled his eyes and waved to Peter's phone. "Hi, ma'am."

He cranked the volume so it could be heard without super-hearing.

The woman on the other end sighed and looked away. "Please, call me Pepper. Do I want to know?"

"You really don't," both teenagers said at the same time.

"Is my mom up? It's only 6:02 here, but I probably won't be going in, either."

Pepper glanced at the ceiling. "Don't worry, I'll call you in as well."

"Thanks, ma'am!" Theo lifted his laptop again and quickly absorbed himself into whatever he was doing.

"No problem." Peter left the room and turned down the volume again. "How do you deal with Mr. Stark's hangovers?"

"Force him to get something in his system and let him sleep, mostly." She bit her lip. "Has this happened before?"

"Kind of. Theo just sped up the hangover, but… are his worse than usual?"

"I'm pretty sure they're proportional to how much he drinks."

"How much would he have to drink to pass out from a headache?"

Pepper froze.

"Miss Potts?"

"He hasn't done that since… Nope. I refuse to believe it." She shook her head.

"It was accelerated, so maybe…?"

"Was Theo surprised by it?"

"Huh?"

"He sped it up, right? Oh, my God, was that yesterday? And nobody thought to tell me?"

"Uh, yeah, he sped it up, but when Mr. Stark passed out, he just stared at a wall until he woke up. Maybe he was surprised? It was only for, like, 30 seconds though. And yeah, it was yesterday, but-"

"He needs a doctor. Now." She looked up. "FRIDAY?"

"Wait!"

Pepper paused.

"He was fine after."

"Last time he did that, he got alcohol poisoning."

"I was there the entire night. He did not get alcohol poisoning." Peter listened to the alcoholic's breathing and heart rate. "FRIDAY, can you confirm?"

"Boss has not had alcohol poisoning in the past 2 days."

"See?" Peter waved at Mr. Stark's phone. "Even FRIDAY agrees."

Pepper sighed and muttered, "You better not die, you stubborn ass."

"He won't," Theo stated from the doorway. He wore what seemed to be a headset with an antenna on the earpiece.

_ I forgot to close the door, _ Peter thought.  _ Oops. _

"If my calculations are correct, his BAC is currently 0.2. He'll wake up in approximately 3 hours with a very bad hangover. He does not have alcohol poisoning and will not die, but I cannot speed up his hangover again." The local teenager wandered in and shut the door behind him. "He reacts negatively to my abilities, and I believe I know why, but I'll need a sample of his DNA to find out for sure."

Peter gestured at the passed out billionaire.

"Only consented DNA stealing in my Christian Minecraft server." Theo turned to Pepper. "My abilities caused him to faint yesterday, not his hangover. He'll be fine."

"How many timelines has this happened in?" Peter asked.

If Theo was surprised, he didn't show it. "This was the first one I sped up his hangover in that I can remember. I don't know. Half the time, I don't know what actually happened and what didn't, anyway. This is the… uh… more than fifth time he's found me, though I've rewound hundreds of times without going back that far. First time I told him. First timeline I joined my peers for that drink, and the second timeline he's had that drink. Also the first timeline we ended up in a Walmart parking lot in the middle of the night, so-"

"I'm still here, you know," Pepper interrupted.

"The more, the merrier. Anyway, there's enough firsts that we have a chance, but… Well, Spidey. You heard the odds, didn't you?"

His blood ran cold. "You knew I was awake."

"The bottle broke. The moment I dropped it, I knew you were awake, and we weren't exactly quiet."

"Can you… trigger events? By making other events happen?" Pepper asked.

"I can, but I don't usually want to." He held up a hastily bandaged hand. Dried blood peeked out from under it. "Certain events are inevitable, given a variable. Other events are more easily changed." He approached and looked at the phone. "Thank you, ma'am, for all you've done for us."

"It's no problem, Theo." Before the youth could object, she continued, "You're not a bother. We have plenty of room, and it's not like you're the only kid Tony's taken under his wing."

"I'm sorry I let him-"

"How were you supposed to know he was going to drink himself half to death?" She glared at her fiance's sleeping form. "If anything, he should've stopped  _ you. _ You're not an adult-"

"Well, it's been lovely, Miss Potts, but we really should get some breakfast!" Peter cut in.

"It's not even 7 there-"

"Goodbye!" Peter quickly ended the call, much to his fellow teen's relief. "I'm starving. Do they have free breakfast here?"

Theo offered a hand. "Guess we'll find out, won't we?"

Peter took it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're subscribed to this as a story and want updates on follow-up one-shots or sequels i highly recommend you subscribe to the series instead. im not gonna cliffhanger you though (while i hope for a somewhat open ending it'll HOPEFULLY be like "oh! these are all possible" instead of "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS THE END WHAT HAPPENSSSS" but also i might just be like "fuck you they all live happily ever after")
> 
> if you need a translation of tony's drunk talking:  
> is 'ere no'in = is there nothing  
> sh'd slee' = [you] should sleep
> 
> nO PETER AND THEO ARE NOT GETTING TOGETHER THAT IS PURELY PLATONIC HAND-HOLDING
> 
> attention gives me life please spoil me i love you all


	11. everything goes to shit (but we knew it would, anyway)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hOOO BOY HOWDY WAS THIS A RIDE
> 
> (to the tune of Old McDonald) i hate myself and want to die, why'd i kill them off
> 
> tips from Ya Local Boi™: dont write sad stuff if you dont wanna feel sad stuff
> 
> tw for violence, alcoholism, death, uhhh yeah and a lot of murder and some abuse talk but just talk
> 
> HMMM this is a bit longer than i usually write and i'm simultaneously sorry and not

"Are you ready?" Tony asked, watching in fascination as the ginger pulled up a map of his target's hourly location. The kid ran completely off a computer that didn't even have administrator privileges and whatever code he could write and execute off a primitive compiler he likely made himself. Inefficient, yet functional. Tony vaguely recalled he needed to look over the kid's backdoor patch; while effective, he expected it to be much like his own code as a teenager.

The kid hummed noncommittally. To Tony's surprise, Theo opened up his compiler and quickly added a few lines of code in a seemingly random place. When he reopened the program, lines connected the random locations, as well as radiating from the address the trio figured the hostages were held. It still seemed random. "At least we know they're there."

Peter flipped down from the ceiling, earning a high-five from his peer on the way. "So they're really there this time?"

"Definitely." Theo swiveled around, showing his face more than a moment for the first time in hours.

He looked like shit. The amount of alcohol both Peter and Tony noticed went missing since Theo started working must have gone straight to this kid. The dark circles from the night before only seemed darker; he must not have slept after their talk. His eyes remained unfocused unless something deliberately commanded his attention, and even then, he seemed to zone out moments after. The soda he usually used for caffeine was replaced by coffee, eliciting a poorly-hidden cringe as he sipped it. Everything about this kid reminded Tony of himself. It wasn't a good look on anyone else. Probably wasn't a good look on him, either.

When neither party commented on his appearance or certainty, Theo continued. "It's the old Bancroft kindergarten. They put it up for sale a year or so ago. Guess we know who bought it now." He stepped into his suit, waiting for the others to do the same. "I've sent you both all the info I have right now. Good luck."

The trio began their trip in relative silence. A few years ago, this would've been a trip in the Quinjet with an abundance of adrenaline-loaded Avengers, quiet yet excited chatter filling the area. Even after what the media dubbed the "Civil War," Peter's rambles filled Tony's trips. He felt obligated to break the silence this time.

"You've been drinking." Tony pointed out.  _ Great conversation! State the obvious and act like a damn hypocrite! _

Theo's voice settled into hard determination as he responded. "Yeah."

"It's not good for you."

It was probably a good thing neither of their faces were visible. Tony didn't think he could deal with one of the sharp looks this kid tended to throw when annoyed. "Helps me sleep."

"You ain- You aren't sleeping now, kid."

"Helps me calm down."

"You could do almost anything else."

Peter clung to Tony's back and stayed quiet for the moment. Someone should give this talk to the hero, but now wasn't the time.

"Look, I know it's bad, okay? I know being so fucked up you've been drinking since you were 4 is concerning. I know there have to be better ways to deal with shit. But I don't know them. Alchohol has always been there. Dad's literally spiked my drinks as long as I can remember to try to get me to forget. Not that it works, as much as I'd love it to. I'd love to have any motivation not to drink, actually. Sadly, the usual things that would discourage people? Hangovers? Vomiting? People to tell me  _ not to fucking do that? _ Those don't happen to me. I drink. Everyone I know drinks. So get me a good influence or a therapist or whatever and tell me to stop. I'm fully aware I don't need alcohol, but I don't know what I  _ do _ need, so I've just used it as a shitty replacement for whatever the fuck it may be.."

Tony closed his eyes as Theo went off. He hated how similar Theo's rant was to his own internal monologue.

"We're here." The kid dropped like a rock, landing in a perfect roll. Tony opted to land slowly for the sake of the spiderling on his back and his joints.

The area was surprisingly unguarded on the outside. Nobody stood guard with guns or communication devices. The houses nearby seemed abandoned, and none of the trio could see anyone in the vicinity. Chronos took that as a sign to move into the similarly unguarded hallways. Spider-Man briefly wondered why Iron Man wasn't leading, but it didn't matter enough for either to object.

The first room had exactly two guards, both of whom were incapacitated (read: killed) by Chronos and Iron Man, respectively. He brought in Spider-Man to help escort everyone out.

"Something's wrong," Spidey muttered to Chronos.

He nodded. "My powers are muted. Shouldn't be a problem. You've had training, yeah?"

"If getting my ass handed to me by Mr. Stark a couple times a week and Black Widow once every few months counts."

"You hold out a little longer every time."

Iron Man cleared the second room and assigned Chronos to escort duty this time. He glanced in the third room's window and ducked back almost instantly. "They're both in there, kids."

The moment everyone was out safely, the kids ran to their elder's side. Chronos wasted no time in breaking down the door, shouting, "Jared!" as he ran over, realizing too late he didn't have time on his side anymore. A bullet whizzed past, killing the young man faster than he could move.

"We said we'd kill them if you tried to find them," the man from the video stated coldly.

A second bullet tore through Aunt May. This seemed to be the cue for the other guards to shoot everyone else.

Peter screamed. That, paired with Theo's horrified silence, was more than Tony could take. A few guards ran as Iron Man beat, blasted, and broke everyone in his path. Bullets rang out in the two remaining rooms, seeming to snap both kids out of their horror.

"Karen?" Spider-Man's distress could be felt a mile away. "Activate Instant Kill Mode."

Iron Man cut him off. "You can't do this."

"I  _ can, _ and I  _ will. _ "

"You know there's no coming back, Underoos? Once you kill, you can't un-kill. You can't get the blood off your hands."

"You and your tiny redhead personality clone don't seem to have any problem with it."

Nobody paid attention as Theo snuck out.

Tony lifted his faceplate. "I've had blood on my hands as long as I can remember. I don't know about him, but I wouldn't be surprised. He's definitely seen death." He inhaled, pushing back memories of those whose lives he'd taken, whether directly or indirectly. "You don't have that, and I never want you to, if you can avoid it."

To his surprise, the kid simply nodded and muttered, "Never mind, Karen."

When they made it into the hallway, Chronos seemed to have it under control, albeit… oddly. He shot a paintball at one guard before strangling another with piano wire. Finger blades extended as another charged him, impaling the person in the face and knocking him down instantly.

_ Note to self: That is very fucked up. _ Tony took out a few guards before shooting a glance at his kid.

Spider-Man held his own, but had lifted the bottom of his mask and gagged every few seconds. "Could we… tone down the brutality? Just a little?" he requested.

Chronos rolled his eyes and stepped out of the suit, settling for a bit of hand-to-hand. "I was handling it."

"You're making me nauseous."

"Fuck y'all. I was  _ efficient. _ "

Tony stepped over another body, roundhouse kicking one last guard. "You'd make a good Avenger, honestly."

"Really?"

"Yeah, we'll cover you with the September Foundation-"

"What, and paint a target on Mom's and Abby's backs? I can't even control my abilities half the time. Talk to me when I don't randomly wake up a week before I went to sleep." The tiny kid grabbed the last guard and shoved them down. "I'm too angry to make this fast," he whispered maniacally.

After a (literal) handful of their bones were thoroughly pulverized, Tony stated, "I think that's enough."

"You're no fun." The kid grabbed a discarded gun and put a bullet between their eyes anyway.

By the time they made it outside, adrenaline had worn off. Peter ripped off his mask and sat against the wall, staring at a tree across the street. Theo found a very convenient bottle of rum in his suit (which he offered to Tony, who told himself he only accepted to get the kid to drink less) and headed toward the playground. Tony fell to his knees, praying he didn't have a panic attack in front of these kids.

A couple minutes later, Theo clapped and sighed. "Should we get going? I don't exactly fare well in sunlight." 

The New Yorkers didn't respond.

"Yo!" He waved wildly at his companions. Tony turned toward him, but Peter kept staring off. Theo took that as a partial success and stated, "I'm going home. You can join me, or you can stay here and break down for however long it takes you to figure out the nights are cold."

"We have heaters."

"You have your weight in metal and a handful of spandex."

"Whatever. We might as well go back. We'll need to figure this out, anyway. Probably contact SHIELD or whatever you do when you cause the death of who-knows-how-many-people."

Theo nodded toward Peter. "I think he's in shock."

"He's been through a lot."

They made eye contact then, the first true eye contact they'd made. Theo had a tendency to stare people in the eyes with that face that shared everything, yet nothing; however, he currently stared at Tony with a face that betrayed exactly how much less okay he felt than he acted.  _ I've been through a lot, _ his eyes screamed.

"Do you want a hug?" Tony offered.

The kid bit his lip and nodded. The contact felt awkward but necessary, like a reminder that it would be okay.

"I know what it's like."

He glanced up, confused.

"You've been through things no child - scratch that, no  _ person _ \- should ever have to go through. I know what it's like."

Theo hummed dismissally.

"One of the few people in your life who's supposed to care about you hurts you. They hurt you and hurt you and you always believe them when they say it's the last time because why wouldn't it be? Except it's never the last time. It just gets worse. And they convince you it's not real because it can't be  _ that _ bad if you aren't currently on your deathbed. People have it worse and they say you're just ungrateful for what you have." Tony wanted to stop, but found he couldn't. "And since others have it worse, you think you can't have it bad because that's all you've ever been told. But it's not true. It still fucks you up, and you don't even realize it was as fucked up as it was until you see it happening to someone else. And even then, it's nearly impossible to process that what you went through was even remotely close to that."

Theo bit his lip. "I could've left at any time. I wasn't supposed to exist, so all it'd've taken was one little trip all the way back. I was supposed to be aborted. All it takes is a little nudge and-"

Tony gently covered the kid's mouth with his hand. "Nope! We are not discussing suicide by timeline manipulation! This is not how this conversation is going!"

The ginger smiled.

"Come on, kid. Let's get my other kid and grab some food."

Theo didn't miss the hidden meaning, but he tried to deny it anyway.

Back at the hotel, they situated themselves with a fabulous dinner of McDonald's burgers, fries, and Coke.

_ "An attack at the former Bancroft kindergarten has left hundreds of people dead, but who was the villain? Eyewitnesses claim Iron Man and Spider-Man assisted local vigilante and Iron Man copycat, Chronos, in a massacre-" _

"Shit, nobody called Fury." Tony grabbed his phone and strode to the adjacent room, all business now that he had a goal.

Theo grabbed a bottle of rum. "Want some?"

Peter tore his eyes from the TV and winced. "I'm good, thanks."

"More for me." He poured some in his drink cup and sipped.

"Why did you start?"

"Habit, mostly. Dad snuck booze into my food and shit, so drinking kind of came naturally once I figured out alcohol existed."

"And you've never had a hangover? Or anything?"

"Nope."

Tony stormed back in. Theo held out the rum as he passed.

"Thanks." He drank half the remaining bottle. "Where do you keep getting booze?"

"Here and there."

_ "According to several, however, the alleged massacre was a hostage situation gone wrong. According to one of the hostages-" _

_ "Some of us were there for weeks, barely fed, barely rested... They broke in, took our captors out, and got us out safe. They should be thanked." _

_ "The freed hostages agree that gunshots fired not long after the trio got them out, though none of the so-called heroes carried firearms. They assume the gunshot wounds are a combination of a rescue gone wrong and friendly fire. Many of the people affiliated with the culprits were killed by burns, blunt force, or deep injuries reminiscent of-" _

Peter clicked off the television and rolled over. Nobody really wanted to point out the kid's quiet sobs, so they turned off the light and left him to work through it.

By the time Theo lit an oil lamp in his bedroom for the mechanic, it was almost midnight. He glanced up, confused.

The kid tapped his glasses. "Don't work in the dark. You'll ruin your eyes."

Tony just nodded and went back to work.

Theo got tired of pacing the room and left through the window with his suit around 2:30. Just before 4, he climbed back in, careful not to drip blood on the carpet.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be." He threw down a towel and ejected himself on top of it, covered in about as much blood as his suit was.

"You need a doctor."

"Chill. It's not my blood."

He didn't drink the rest of the night, opting to stare at the ceiling and fidget instead.

It was almost more concerning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rest of this story is one big mess i blame the fact that my body is currently trying to self-destruct


	12. so how you gonna scream my name when i gave all i got

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so uhh i dont like how this chapter kinda happened. even looking over my outline i was like "ehhh maybe i could just. not write this" but i have to wrap this up and have no idea how to accomplish that so have a couple chapters of aftermath before this ends :')
> 
> this story is officially long enough that it takes me a minimum of 3 tries to load it offline (idk about online but id assume the same)
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG ITS LIKE 9 PAGES AND 3000 WORDS IM SO SORRY actually im only a little sorry i want to get to the point where i can shamelessly write chapters that average the lengths people expect in normal books but i feel bad because a lot of the time if i look at word count and it averages more than like... 2k words per chapter i either put it off or feel bad because i read fanfic between classes and i only have like 5 minutes between each class lol
> 
> note 18/9/2018: haha i just saw my note feeling bad about 3k words/9 pages and im looking at chapter 14 like hoe wym you aint sorry... the entire story is currently 73 pages in g-docs and im less than halfway done with chapter 15 and the document actually wont load without freezing anymore i want to die also prepare your butts for lots of rapid posting because i am impatient and want to finish this and cant focus on my civics homework when this document is sitting right next to it

"Don't worry about school," Tony murmured as Theo stuffed a few things in a bag. "You got called out again."

He didn't argue and flopped back on the bed before launching himself back up. "I need a DNA sample from you. Later. Remind me." He fell back again and stared at the ceiling.

Peter wasn't faring much better. After a wonderful breakfast of leftover McDonald's take-out (wow, Tony forgot how much the kid could eat), he spent the rest of the day crying and ignoring as much as he could.

Around noon, Theo excused himself and latched the doors between their rooms. Tony took the alone time to confront the spiderling currently lying on the bed surrounded by McDonald's wrappers.

"What's wrong, Pete?"

Peter giggled at the nickname. "I didn't know you remembered."

"I pretend. Stop deflecting. Something's eating you. More than just…" The billionaire gestured vaguely. "What's wrong?"

"I overheard."

He raised an eyebrow. "So you know Theo's tried."

"Yeah, but… I'm mad anyway. And I don't want to be. He lost his  _ brother, _ for God's sake. He doesn't want this any more than I do. But…"

"There's a little part of you that says he made this happen?"

The spiderling nodded. "But there's also a part of me that says I made this happen."

"I could tell both of you it's not your fault any time-" Something clicked in Tony's mind. "Are you  _ jealous, _ kid?"

"I don't know."

"You know he'll never replace you, right?"

Silence filled the room.

"Oh, Peter." Tony hugged his kid. "You're not replaceable. Yeah, there are other kids-"

"This sounds exactly like the kind of talk you'd give to a partner. Replace 'kids' with 'people' and voila."

"What did I say about letting me monologue? Anyway, you aren't even the first kid I've… mentored… but you're the first one who's helped me open up like this." He placed a hand on Peter's shoulder. "If it wasn't for you, I'd just be a sad old man. There will be other kids. You, though? You're my spider-kid." Tony ruffled the youngster's hair.

"What about Theo?"

"Theo's… too much like me. He'll trust without trusting. Even if I want to be his…"  _ Father figure? _ "...mentor, he'll need someone like you to show him there's more good than bad in the world."

Peter smiled. "Sounds like you ship it."

"...And this is why I don't have heart-to-hearts with people under 30." After the kid stopped giggling, Tony continued. "You don't have to be jealous. He's not replacing you. He's made a new space for himself."

"Okay, no more jealousy."

"Great!" He clapped once and smiled his best media smile. If he could manage a real one right now, he would. "Now, the guilt problem. Details." After a moment of hesitation, he sighed. "Pretend I'm your therapist. Talk to me, Pete."

"There's a voice in my head that says I should've been the one to die. Not Aunt May. And another one…" Peter's voice cracked and dropped to a whisper. "Another one that says Theo should've died instead. That he caused this. That he's a murderer and deserves to be the one punished for what's been done."

"The first one? That's survivor's guilt. Why did someone else die when you could have?"  _ Yinsen. Mom. ...Howard.  _  "You just have to move on, I guess."

"Does it get better?"

Considering he blamed himself daily for thousands of deaths he logically knew he had no control over, he didn't think so. "It gets more manageable. With Theo, though… You overheard us that night. You know he's tried this hundreds of times. I can't make you stop blaming him, but maybe we can bring you some closure. He offered to let us try again. If you think we can change the outcome…" He shrugged. "It's your call."

Theo knocked and cracked the door open, offering a few boxes of pizza. "Lunch?"

Peter raised an eyebrow and signed,  _ How much did you hear? _ He vaguely recalled Theo offhandedly commenting he didn't hear very well, so maybe he knew some sign language.

He took this as his cue to enter and drop the pizza boxes on the table.  _ Just the end. I can let you try again, or try to bring you closure, but… _

The spiderling got the gist. "I think we'll stick with this timeline… but I want to remember others."

Theo stiffened. "Are you sure?"

"What's the worst possible timeline? We die with them?"

"Dude, even I can't remember every timeline. It would drive me insane."

"So just show me one. I just…"  _ I need to know this is the only way, _ he thought.

Theo offered a hand, reminding him a lot of when they went down for breakfast together the other day. Well, yesterday, he supposed. Man, a lot happened in the span of a few hours.

_ Theo managed to disarm the first guard. Maybe this time they'd make it. Spider-Man and Iron Man disarmed two others. Neither noticed the man in the corner on a walkie-talkie muttering instructions to people unknown. _

_ Chronos took less than a second to make a decision. Peter's aunt was about his size; she'd be well protected by his armor. _

_ "Hop in!" he whispered, half shoving her into the armor. That could take a bullet or so… right? _

_ Speaking of bullets, one tore through his side. His first thought was,  _ **_Well, I'm fucked._ ** _ His second was,  _ **_Damn, they missed a vital organ again? Can't even have a fast death these days._ **

_ Not that it'd matter. He'd bleed out soon anyway. Might as well just- _

_ Peter's aunt and a couple others lifted him up and led him back into his suit. Wait, why wasn't she in there? _

_ "Stark! He needs medical attention!" _

_ Theo managed to turn his head just in time for what seemed like thousands of Hydra agents to swarm the room. He and Iron Man were safe. _

_ Nobody else was bulletproof. _

_ Chronos stiffened as the kid inside went limp. _

_ "Get me outside, sir," he whispered as everything went dark. _

Peter shook. "You died."

Theo grabbed his side and bit his lip. "Please tell me you didn't see it from my perspective."

"You don't have a superhuman pain tolerance. You should've been out much sooner." In those moments, Peter realized  _ he _ hadn't had his superhuman pain tolerance in the fights, either. Adrenaline must have worked overtime for both of them.

"I was fine."

"You died."

Tony waved a hand to catch their attention. "So you mean to tell me you died in another timeline and didn't tell me?"

"I did tell you. In that timeline."

"You tried to sacrifice yourself for Aunt May," Peter whispered.

Theo didn't respond.

The spiderling tapped his peer's arm and waited for him to turn. "You were going to sacrifice yourself for Aunt May," he repeated, louder this time.

"You'd've done the same for Jared. Actually, you did. It didn't do anything except make me feel like shit." The chronomancer managed to bite a layer of skin off his lip. "The worst part is those were some of the better timelines. We got so close we could taste victory… and then we'd fail. One of you would die. Hell, both of you died sometimes. And it never changed anything. I guess that's why I didn't feel bad killing them." His usual indifferent facade cracked. "Oh, God, I  _ killed _ them."

Tony figured this was a good time to wander off and let someone good with emotions deal with things.

Not long after he set up a makeshift lab/bar on Theo's table, the usual occupant entered, eyes red and sunken.

"You look like shit, kid," Tony commented.

"Thanks. Need some help?" He asked it as if it was a common courtesy, but his expression and nervousness gave away his need for a distraction. It wasn't healthy, but they could deal with it later.

"Sure. Do you know anything about nanotechnology?"

He made himself comfortable to Tony's right. "It's small."

"Great!" He nudged a bowl closer to his kid. "Play with it."

They worked in companionable silence for a while. Tony quickly figured out Theo wasn't okay. While he would stop and order or heat up food every few hours, he didn't eat it, though not for lack of trying. The alcohol closest to him remained untouched. Even his work seemed half-assed despite the quality and quick learning. When 2 AM rolled around and his first slice of vegetarian pizza once again sat in the microwave, Tony put down his tools and faced the kid.

"Are you going to eat that?"

Theo jumped, and his tiny nanotech robot hopped to a fighting stance. "I'm- I'm trying to!" he squeaked.

_ Shit. Confrontation bad. I forgot. _ The billionaire sighed and reached over, wincing when the kid flinched. "I'm not upset, just concerned. Have you eaten at all since Saturday?"

The kid's sudden fascination with his pizza confirmed his suspicions.

Tony had no idea how to work with this. When most people were upset, they ate more, himself and Peter included. "Why do you think you can't eat?"

Theo stared at the food like it killed his best friend. "I don't know. I want to. Logically, I know I need food because I haven't eaten in three days. I'm even hungry right now, but the thought of eating it makes it all go away. Just looking at it makes me nauseous, and I can't be hungry if I'm sick, eh"

"Have you ever…?"

"Yeah. The doctors assumed I was anorexic. Went into rehab, like, twice." He snapped his gaze from the food to Tony. "I'm not, by the way. Anorexic. Just can't eat. I'll get over it in a few days."

"That sounds like an eating disorder to me." He realized his mistake the moment Theo shifted his weight off the chair, an instinctive fight-or-flight response to being backed into a corner. "Or nerves. Or emotions in general. Emotions are weird."

"Yeah." The kid picked at a pepper. "I'm not anorexic."

"I never said you were."

He stared back, clearly not believing it.

"Sometimes, taking care of yourself is just hard."

"I'm not broken."

"You don't have to be broken for things to be hard."

"I feel broken when things are hard."

"You're not broken. Just a little cracked. You can be put back together with some super-glue, and while you won't be the same, you'll be okay."

"I miss Jared. And Mom. And Abby. But mostly Jared."

Tony opened his arms, silently offering a hug.

Theo didn't exactly snuggle in like Peter, but he accepted the comfort all the same. "We fought before he was taken. I got in trouble for something he did, and I snapped and yelled at my dad. Dad got mad at all of us. Jared and I ended up yelling at each other, blaming each other for the fight. I thought Dad couldn't do anything to me if he couldn't truly kill me, so I ended up cocky." He sniffed. "Is it fucked up that I miss Dad?"

The older man laughed. "Probably. I miss mine, too, though, so I can't really talk, can I?"

His kid laughed back. "We're kinda the same."

"We are, aren't we?"

"It's just a little fucked up." He hesitated before untangling himself from his rescuer-turned-mentor/father figure. "It's nice not to be alone."

They went back to companionable silence for a while. 3 AM came and went, quickly followed by 4 and 5.

"I oughta get ready for school," the ginger muttered.

"Before you go-"

"I'll be late."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Then you'll be fashionably so. First, you know you don't have to go yet, right?"

"I have, like, fifteen classes, sir-"

"I think we can ditch the formalities, yeah? The name's Tony."

Theo smiled. "Only if you give me a better nickname than Ginger."

"That's a done deal… Four-Eyes."

"You're one to talk, Shades."

"Ouch. I'm hurt, Blue. Shot through the heart."

"Serves you right, Tony."

The pair grinned at each other.

"Anyway, you don't have to go to school. I'll deal with your fifteen classes. Second, it won't matter for long anyway. You're coming back to New York with us."

"Nah."

"What's keeping you here? The sights?"

"I have things to do."

"Like?"

"Nobody knows shit in our theatre. Granted, I don't know shit, either, but at least I can get us through a show."

"I'll give them money so they can hire someone."

"If you give us money, we might just bring the auditorium up to code more modern than the 70's, and then I'd  _ really _ have to stay. I've never worked in a functioning theatre before."

"You can't stay here alone."

"I'll stay with friends."

"What friends?" Roasting his kid was probably a shitty move, but it was too late to take it back.

Theo bit his lip. "Friends."

"Exactly."

"I need the credits. And I'm too attached to the shitty theatre I basically live in half the time."

Peter stumbled in.

"Hey, Underoos. Can't sleep?"

"Just woke up," he croaked. "Need some help?"

"Actually, I could use your advice." Tony pulled out a chair, inviting him to sit. The poor kid clearly had nightmares, and without FRIDAY getting help, he probably ended up scaring himself more after he woke up. "How do you convince a teenager to move to New York with a billionaire when said teenager is probably too stubborn to realize he needs help?"

"I'll be fine. I lived with a Hydra agent for, like, seventeen and a half years," Theo protested.

Peter tapped his web shooters. "You tie him up and drag him on the plane?"

"Bingo." Tony glanced away and very loudly announced, "Sure would be a shame if a certain child got webbed up while I wasn't looking!"

"Ugh, fine! But we take the car." At their confused looks, Theo explained, "I'm afraid of heights."

"You flew with us," Peter pointed out.

"We were, like, 20 feet off the ground. There were trees taller than we flew."

"Aren't you afraid of driving, too?"

"We can take turns. I'll just drive in the country, and one of y'all can deal with the cities."

The New Yorkers glanced at each other nervously.

"Oh, my God. Please tell me you can drive."

"Well,  _ I _ can," Tony stated.

"I have my temps," Peter defended.

"He's, like, your dad, right? So you'll be fine."

Tony glanced at his basically-and-probably-soon-to-be-actually son. "Am I your dad now? Are you okay with that? Do I just say, 'I am your father,' and let my lawyers make it official?"

"As long as I'm not imposing," Peter murmured.

"You're never imposing, Underoos. Besides, neither of us had a choice. May assured me she would come back from the dead and make my life a living hell if I didn't, and as much of a-"

Peter leapt into his father's arms and stuck there. Literally. After a few moments, they glanced at Theo, who very clearly wanted to join but didn't want to intrude.

"C'mon, Blue. You, too."

Theo snuck under their arms and got stuck in the hug with them.

"Everything's gonna be okay, kiddos."  _ Maybe not today, but someday. _

Once Peter released them, Tony transitioned from Dad Mode to Business Dad Mode. "Blue, get ready for school. I'll arrange everything. Come home as soon as you can after, or I'll track you down. We need to transfer you to Midtown, and I should probably help you get your stuff-"

"Midtown as in the genius school Peter goes to?" the ginger squealed. "They'd never take me! I'm stupid and-"

"Okay. We'll put you in a normal school, but humor me. I'll see if they have an entrance exam, and if you pass it, you have to at least consider it."

"Fine."

"Underoos, you can help me get everything in the car. Also get me the license number and registration. Can't have Theo getting arrested for stealing a car, can we?"

"Okay, Mr. Stark!"

The billionaire intercepted the spiderling before he scuttled off. "Later. It's not even six yet. For now, we get a bunch of luggage cases from Walmart."

As Peter dashed off, Tony called after, "And it's Tony, kid!"

At exactly 5:47 AM, Theo popped out of the bathroom in an interesting-yet-aesthetically-pleasing combination of clothing. A grey flannel complemented his  black shirt well. Paint-splattered jeans and worn combat boots completed the look. His hair curled around his head as if it couldn't decide whether it wanted to stand up or down. Overall, he looked like he'd fit right in around there. In New York? Not so much.

"We really have to work on your theme," Tony mentioned.

"I knew I should've gone for the hoodie."

"You look fine for here. In New York, you'd instantly be branded a redneck gay."

"I'm branded a redneck gay here. I just don't fucking care."

"Then you look absolutely perfect. I'll throw your hoodie in the wash before we leave."

"I'll do that. I have, like, an hour before I need to leave, anyway."

Before his other kid could leave, Tony once again blocked the exit. "I'll drive you. I have stuff to do, anyway, and your car is less obvious than a flying metal suit."

"Yes, sir- I mean, Tony. Sorry." Theo sat down and alternated between messing with his laptop and disassembling and reassembling his nano-bot.

Tony's phone vibrated.

> kid #1: hey, tony
> 
> kid #1: so i might have a teensy little problem
> 
> TS: What is it
> 
> kid #1: my mom kinda
> 
> kid #1: died on me
> 
> kid #1: in that attack you were at
> 
> TS: Your mom
> 
> TS: Was kidnapped
> 
> TS: And you never thought "hey i can just hit up a guy who basically owes me his life to maybe give me some help"
> 
> TS: Also never thought to tell me that youre a mutant
> 
> kid #1: i didn't fucking know until ten minutes ago!
> 
> kid #1: i thought she pulled a Dad™ on me!
> 
> kid #1: i apparently have a dormant fucking x gene! who even knew those existed!
> 
> TS: Ok so
> 
> TS: Im gonna
> 
> TS: Adopt you if thats ok
> 
> kid #1: i mean you either adopt me or i run away and live with you anyway
> 
> kid #1: i won't go into the system
> 
> TS: Great now i have enough kids for a group chat
> 
> **
> 
> _ Stark added *yeets into the sun*, *yeets into the sun*, and *yeets into the sun* to the group. _
> 
> Stark: Name yourselves something identifying
> 
> Stark: I have no idea why your usernames are all *yeets into the sun* but i dont like it
> 
> kid #2: is this better
> 
> spider kid: am i kid #1
> 
> spider kid: IM SPIDER KID MR STARK I LOVE YOU
> 
> kid #1: i didn't know you collected children
> 
> iron dad: This is almost worse
> 
> iron dad: ...I had this coming
> 
> redneck gay: how about this
> 
> sbider: yes
> 
> kid from rose hill tennessee: do you all know each other or something? i've never met y'all in my life
> 
> kid from rose hill tennessee: also how do you know where i live
> 
> redneck gay: you didnt even try to hide your ip
> 
> redneck gay: or your phone number
> 
> redneck gay: or literally anything
> 
> redneck gay: im theo
> 
> harley: i'm harley
> 
> sbider: im spider-man
> 
> iron dad: Thats peter
> 
> sbider: what happened to secrets :(
> 
> iron dad: Youre all going to be living together anyway
> 
> sbider: OH NICE
> 
> harley: i knew about peter, but who's theo?
> 
> redneck gay: me
> 
> harley: no, really? i never would have guessed
> 
> redneck gay: i actually have no fucking idea who i am
> 
> iron dad: Thats the son i cant officially adopt because he still has a parent
> 
> redneck gay: actually moms not a us citizen so shell probs be deported soon
> 
> redneck gay: esp since her sponsors in jail
> 
> harley: oh you're the fjeld kid?
> 
> redneck gay: yeah you see the news
> 
> harley: your dad's bail was dirt cheap with a restraining order except he's out for blood
> 
> harley: i'd recommend leaving he was talking about a friend springing him
> 
> redneck gay: uhghhh i have SHIT to DO
> 
> redneck gay: mostly grabbing shit and running for the hills probably
> 
> sbider: theo how much stuff are you bringing
> 
> redneck gay: just a few clothes and shit
> 
> redneck gay: gotta wipe the lt since its the schools
> 
> iron dad: @sbider Get him a laptop too
> 
> iron dad: Anything you were looking at in particular theo
> 
> redneck gay: jsdhljkfsdh you dont have to but im happy with anything that has a disc drive tbh
> 
> redneck gay: also active pen would be nice
> 
> sbider: so like this (link to good computer)
> 
> redneck gay: YES OMG ID DIE IF I GOT THAT
> 
> iron dad: Then perish
> 
> iron dad: Itll be at the tower when we arrive
> 
> redneck gay: OMG THANK YALL
> 
> harley: tonyyyyyyyy
> 
> iron dad: Harleyyyyyyy
> 
> harley: i need money to get to new york
> 
> iron dad: Done
> 
> harley: thanks
> 
> iron dad: Actually wait there well take care of the adoption stuff when i pick you up
> 
> iron dad: Dont let cps take you were on our way tonight gotta answer a call

"Pepper?"

"Tony, Kaye says she has to go back to the Philippines. Why would she-"

"I'm working on that." Tony tapped his kid's computer to get his attention and mouthed, "Check on your dad."

"She says Sean is free? Who's Sean?"

Theo paled and turned the computer back around.

**_Sean Fjeld - 56 - Bail paid_ **

"Sean's her daughter's father, I think." He paused. "He was a bad dad and an even worse Hydra agent. Couldn't recognize a SHIELD operative right under his nose."

"She wants to leave now. Won't she be safer here than in-"

"She's not a citizen. Theo said they might deport her anyway. May as well make sure she travels comfortably."

"I wanna talk to them," Theo whispered.

Tony sighed. "Can Theo talk to Kaye and Abby?"

"Yeah, just a second. Turn on video." Pepper's face appeared on-screen, quickly moving to Kaye and Abby.

" _ Nanay? _ " Theo quickly moved into the camera's view.

"Theo." Her voice cracked. "I love you."

"It's all gonna be fine. We're coming to New York-"

"He is already coming for us! Whoever paid his bail gave him our location and-" She hid her face in Abby's shirt.

"Mom, it's okay. He'll never hurt you again, okay? Just… Make sure you stay safe. Please."

Abby turned to the camera and babbled excitedly.

"Hi, Tiny. I'm gonna miss you, kiddo. Be good, eh?"

Kaye looked up again and muttered, "I have to go. He's almost here."

Pepper stepped back into view. "We'll take you on the jet, okay? You're going to be safe. You'll be back with your family in no time."

Abby snuggled closer to her mother and screeched as Pepper took the phone back.

"Pepper, call Happy in today. I know I gave him some time off, but…"

Over her shoulder, Happy waved. "Hi, boss."

"He's been here pretty much since he heard about Kaye and the family." She glanced at the clock. "You should probably make sure Theo gets to school safely. It's almost seven there, right?"

Tony glanced at Theo, who nodded and winced. "I'm taking him in. I have things I need to do."

"Great! I'll see you soon, then."

The line went dead. Theo sighed and rubbed his eyes. "God, I wish I slept last night."

"Me too. Ready?"

School turned out to be as uneventful as he expected. By lunch, Theo'd checked out of his in-person classes and arranged his extra credits. By the time school ended, Tony'd arranged Theo's stay and future adoption. Not long before nightfall, they'd arranged a trip to New York, after which Tony would finish up adopting Peter (a process his lawyers started the night May died) and fly to Rose Hill, Tennessee.

Things weren't perfect, but they were in the process of fixing everything. They could live with that.

In the morning, Tony drove into the sunrise, the radio quietly playing something off Theo's phone.

_ "So tell me how you really feel now, ain't been asked that in a while, yet you still hope that they'll hear you out. Just keep at it, bro, these things always seem to fix themselves somehow. Suck it up, some would kill just to stand where you're standing now." _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title and song are from icarus by EDEN
> 
> attention gives me life feel free to scream at me here or on my [tumblr](whatsanaccounttoagod.tumblr.com)


	13. please just hold on to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One step forward, two steps back, one more step into the pits of social ostracism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from love; not wrong (brave) by EDEN
> 
> song in the beginning is falling in reverse by EDEN
> 
> i actually refuse to reread most of my work so theres probably typos and stuff i just go back and reread it and hate it so much i give up but i want to finish this so ill come back later maybe idk

_ "So listen here, I'm the voice in your head, and I can say the words that make you feel scared. So here's to you and all the problems that we've made…" _

"Do you kids ever listen to anything happy?" Tony asked as he flopped down on the couch between Peter and Harley.

"This is happy," all three of his sons responded simultaneously.

_ "And everyone in around you is too far away to notice your chest start to crash, oh, but it's alright, you'll be alright. So just breathe, it's almost over, and don't let the monster in your head become your fears…" _

"It sounds depressing."

"It's EDEN," Theo muttered.

_ "...'Cause you can save yourself, you know, you know." _

He shifted to sit on the arm he'd gotten squished against. "FRIDAY, would you mind adding 'Times Like These'?"

"I'd be happy to," Tony's AI chirped. "Would you like to add all of Bipolar Paradise to the queue?"

"Sure. Thanks, FRI."

"No problem, Theo."

A few songs later, Tony stretched and rose. "This was fun, but if you aren't busy, I'd like to borrow Theo."

"Whatcha need?" All three youngsters leaned forward, ready to move from the couch to the lab if needed. It wasn't like they didn't spend most of their waking hours there, anyway. The amount of time they spent simply helping didn't 

"I need to talk to Theo about his Midtown entrance exam."

Peter vibrated in his seat. "Did he get in? Is he coming to school with Harley and I?" He jumped, nearly knocking poor Harley to the ceiling in his excitement. "He can be in my classes and I can-"

"I failed, didn't I?" Theo whispered.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Spidey here was much too loud being right."

Peter yelled in joy, then sheepishly sat back down. Harley relaxed, clearly on edge from his brother's excitement.

"Well, sort of. I don't think you'll have all the same classes." Tony handed Theo a schedule. "They managed to carry over most of your credits. Assuming the tutor I hired for the rest comes through and you keep up with the ones you're taking online, you'll graduate. Maybe not with valedictorian like I expect Peter to-" He ruffled the spiderling's hair. "But you'll be just fine."

Theo glanced at his schedule and fell off the couch arm. "You-"

"You're a genius with technology. If you want to change anything, you can, but I figured you'd be okay with the advanced programming classes and an exclusive course based on nanotechnology-"

"It's perfect. Thank you." He bit his lip. "Do you want a hug?"

Tony grinned. Maybe Theo wasn't great at asking for things that weren't offered yet, but he was making progress. "Come here, Blue."

Peter immediately tackled both of them while Harley pretended to ignore them both.

"You too, Potato Gun."

He approached nonchalantly and leapt on, using Peter's stickiness to his advantage.

Once they all pulled away, Theo brightened. "I forgot! I figured out how to separate the X-gene from normal DNA, which means mutants can do DNA tests without simply being matched to anyone who has the same power,  _ and _ we can read the X-gene to figure out what someone's powers might be in the future!"

"Does that work with anyone who has powers, or just people born with them?" Peter asked.

"In your case, we could simply remove radioactive proteins. I could see if they line up with the X-gene, but I'd have to have samples of several people with the radioactive spider DNA, and then samples of many people who gained powers through exposure, and… I just don't know yet. Depends on if it modifies your DNA the same way or not."

Harley interrupted. "Could you figure out what I do?"

"Maybe. I don't really have any mutant DNA to compare it to, other than my own." The ginger glanced back down at his schedule. "I could just have you try to do different things, if…" He glanced at Tony, who waved him off.

"Let's go, boys!" They dashed off to Theo's room, which may as well have been a miniature lab with the way he used it. Tony wasn't convinced he actually slept. Or ate. Or did anything a normal teenager did. Even the bar remained mysteriously untouched, especially considering how heavily the kid drank Before.

The group seemed to think in terms of Before and After now. Each of them had a different life-changing event from the previous weekend. Theo got whisked away from the only life he knew and had to adapt to a completely different lifestyle in a matter of hours. Peter's aunt got kidnapped and killed in front of him. Harley… was Harley. As used to being on his own as he was, moving in with not only the man he occasionally asked for help or companionship but his two new adopted kids wasn't exactly an easy switch. All three took it in stride, but none of them seemed to be okay. Peter sometimes spent hours simply sitting on his old apartment building, tears hidden behind Spider-Man's mask. Harley got panic attacks and sensory overloads almost as often as Peter. Theo couldn't seem to take care of himself.

He wasn't surprised when FRIDAY alerted him to a possible situation on the roof.

_ Theo walked quietly across the gravel, but Peter heard the footsteps anyway. He whipped around and would have fallen several stories had Harley not grabbed his shoulder and Theo's leg. _

Tony was never more grateful for time manipulation.

_ "I think you're an empath," Theo stated after hauling the pair back up. "You definitely don't have radioactive spider DNA, and you just mimicked Peter's powers perfectly. You were unaffected when I slowed time to try to catch him, indicating you can manipulate time, or at least resist those powers. You probably pick up on the powers of those around you." _

_ "What's that got to do with anything?" Harley muttered. _

_ Peter stared over the edge. _

Tony realized the spiderling didn't fall on accident. Well, not completely. The fall may have been an accident, but he wasn't going to catch himself if Harley didn't. If anything, the pair was debating how to "fall" without the other following. The billionaire grabbed his phone and watched the live feed as he hurried to the elevator.

_ "Well, I guess we're all here for the same reason, and now I'm socially obligated to tell y'all to knock it off." Theo made himself comfortable in the unoccupied spot on Peter's right. "Don't die. Dying bad. Won't work, anyway. I'll just bring you back." _

_ "Like you brought back Aunt May? Harley's mom? Jared?" Peter snarled. _

_ Theo suddenly found the passersby below very interesting. _

_ Harley smacked the spider's knee. "Lay off, Pete. Didn't you say yourself he did his best?" _

_ "He's got a point," the ginger whispered. _

_ "Not you, too." _

_ "I can try and try and never get anywhere. I can do a lot… but some things just won't change, no matter how many times I try to change it." He looked up. "If you can't live for yourself… Do it for us. We're Starks now. Emotional baggage comes with the name. But we have to stick together. The world's out for blood. We have to refuse to let it be ours." _

_ Peter didn't respond. _

_ "Do it for Tony and Harley and Ned and MJ. Do it for Queens and Spider-Man… Do it for May." _

_ Harley hummed "Do It For Her." _

_ "Not the time, dude." _

_ "It's definitely the time." _

_ Peter laughed. Theo stared into the camera like he was in  _ The Office _ and signed something. _

Tony squinted, trying to match any of those with the entire two gestures he knew. It looked like  _ dad _ was in there somewhere, but he couldn't be sure. Usually, they just referred to him with what looked like a fist.

_ Harley and Peter turned around, joining Theo in breaking the metaphorical fourth wall. _

"Shit," he muttered.

_ "Please tell me the feed doesn't have audio," Theo whispered. _

_ Peter laughed. "We're fucked." _

_ "Y'all never thought to tell me there were security cameras, huh?" Harley muttered. "Is that why I feel buzzing when I'm near Peter?" _

_ "That's his Spidey-sense, probably. Peter probably doesn't recognize it as a threat, but for us… I hate being monitored. I doubt he even looks at the feed unless something happens, but I dunno. FRIDAY, has Tony been watching?" _

_ "Boss has been watching since you entered the roof as per the Baby Monitor protocol." _

_ "Could be worse, eh?" _

_ "Why do you sound Canadian?" _

_ "Why don't you sound Southern?" _

_ "Good point."  Harley glared at the camera as if it personally murdered his family. "Guess it's ride or die, huh?" _

_ "If one of you jumps, I have to jump to undo it, so…" _

_ "If I jump, I can stick to the wall. I'll jump after you and save you." _

_ "Anything you can do I can do better-" Harley sang. _

_ "I can do anything better than you!" _

_ "I'm going to jump just to undo that." _

Tony arrived at the entrance and leaned against the doorframe. "Nobody is jumping to undo anything."

For once in their short time together, they didn't seem to be in sync. Harley jumped and nearly slid off, only catching himself by the grace of his borrowed stickiness. Peter rose and stumbled in for a hug. Theo just stared down if debating whether to throw himself on the pavement or keep burning in the dim November sun. How does one manage to get a sunburn in the middle of autumn?

Once Peter pried himself off and everyone was once again situated safely on the roof (this time on the air conditioner), Tony sighed. "You guys can't keep doing this."

Theo wiped his glasses on his tank top."You're right. This is much too high. Peter, you said Delmar's is only two stories? I should really start small when-"

"Don't cover. Please." Stress leaked into Tony's voice. "Peter, I know you have nightmares. I don't know what they're about, and you don't have to tell me about them, but I want to help. Even if it just means being there. FRIDAY doesn't listen when you tell her not to tell me, by the way, so you can knock that off."

The spiderling nodded.

"Harley, you adjusted… surprisingly well. But not as well as I hoped." He reached around and patted his kid's shoulder. "I'm not trying to freak you out with the cameras, but we've had… incidents… here before. I just want to keep you safe."

Harley glanced down. "I know."

"Great! I probably don't need as many as I have now, though. FRIDAY can basically see without the cameras by now, so three in the kitchen is probably overkill. I'll deactivate some later. Theo… You know, if you wanted to call me dad, you could do it to my face."

The ginger paled, making the bright red patches on his arms and face stand out even more. "I thought you didn't know sign language."

"I'm learning. That's not the point, though."

He sighed. "I'm trying."

"Yes, and trying led to all three of you on the roof at the exact same time planning to jump but not wanting to lead the others. Thanks for stopping them, by the way."

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"   
"Treating me differently. As much as you try to hide your past, you have panic attacks way more often than you used to, according to FRIDAY, so I looked, okay? You went through worse than I did, and all you see is yourself at my age. You didn't need someone to handle you with silk gloves then, and I certainly don't need you to handle me with silk gloves now. I'm not broken. I'm not going to fall apart if you touch me. I just-" Contrary to his words, he fell apart the moment Tony rested a hand on his shoulder.

"When you stop trying to act like everything's okay, I'll stop handling you with silk gloves." He slipped off his open hoodie and threw it over Theo to hopefully stop the burning and protect him from the crisp wind kicking up. His skin was hot near the patches and ice cold everywhere else. "You haven't eaten, haven't slept… Hell, I'd be ecstatic to hear you had a shot of whiskey, you've avoided everything so much. Not that you should drink. God, I sound like a hypocrite."

"You do, but continue." Theo swallowed the crack in his voice.

"Blue, you really need to take care of yourself. If that means I have to hook you up to a portable IV that gives you food, water, and sedatives, I guess that's what I'll do."

"No IV. Needles."

"Okay, no IV. But you need to take care of yourself. God, you're worse than Peter, and he locks himself in closets with bullet wounds and cracked ribs."

"We agreed not to talk about that," Peter whined.

"You agreed not to talk about it."

Theo stared at them for a moment then shrugged. "He's right, he should say it."

"You three don't have to talk to me, or Pepper, or whoever else you might find, but… I know some people who could hook you up. We just have to straighten out the Accords first, and probably get Thor to bring back Banner-"

Theo squinted. "Why do you need Aunt Widow?"

"Black Widow's your  _ aunt? _ " Peter squealed.

A siren whizzed past. He tried to excuse himself for Spider-Man duties and immediately got nudged back down.

"That's an ambulance, kid, not a cop car." Tony turned to Theo. "And Nat's your  _ aunt? _ "

"It was a cover. My aunt and uncle got killed, and Aunt Widow looked similar enough to my dad's sister that she didn't rouse too much suspicion… until she suddenly started reaching out to my dad. She thought Grandpa's funeral would be a good enough excuse. He barely bought it, especially when she continued contacting him after. She'd sneak me food and stuff, and when Dad kicked me out, she'd take me until the cops came after me. Of course he always said I ran away. Ha." He sighed. "They could've been twins. I called her Aunt Widow in my head, and now I call her Aunt Widow when I'm not around Mom and Dad."

"Wait, you know where the rogues are?" Harley half-screamed.

"Shut up! Yeah, I do. Nat's not  _ technically _ a rogue, but she knows where they are and occasionally sent one to check on me. She's not under the Accords, so she can come and go as she pleases because she's not a fugitive, even if she sides with them.. She's not enhanced, plus she has some leeway simply from being in SHIELD. If Tony agreed not to do Iron Man anymore, he would be exempt as well, but that wasn't going to happen, eh?" Theo didn't take his eyes off Tony, face falling. "And… Things happened. Bad things. All because the enhanced side of the Avengers thought their ability to interfere with whatever they wanted was more important than the safety of the world. They thought the Accords would stop them from emergency intervention… Tony, please stop projecting your past. We're all fucked up here, but I would rather not see every single one of your traumatic experiences."

"Stop talking about them, then!" he snapped, immediately regretting it when his kid flinched.

"How about we all stop talking about our tragic backstories and start getting help for them?" Peter intervened. "Someone here has to know a trustworthy therapist."

Everyone pointedly avoided looking at him.

"Nobody?"

Tony bit his lip. "I'm trying to contact Wilson through Rogers, but without a resolution to the Accords, there's not much we can do."

Peter facepalmed. "I used to be for the Accords, but after everything?"

"Me too, kid." He glanced at Theo, whose face said everything about his opinions. "Got something to share, Blue?"

"The Accords themselves are fine. Responsibility for your actions is great. It's the government I don't trust."

Tony's other two kids nodded in agreement. "Blue, can you help me find Nat?"

"Only if you agree to go to therapy with us all."

He winced. "Betrayed by my own flesh and blood."

"I haven't finished the DNA tests yet, Tony. Don't get your hopes up."

Everyone's phones went off at the same time. Tony swore. "Press conference in an hour. Shit, I forgot. Harley, Theo, do you have something presentable?"

Harley raised an eyebrow at Theo, who flattened his hand and wobbled it in the air.

"I'll take it. Meet me in the living room in 20 and I'll teach you to tie a tie."

When he arrived at the common area in 15, Theo already sat with Peter, demonstrating tie-tying with the spiderling's necktie and growling at every mistake. "I swear I can do this on myself, just-"

"Having trouble?" Tony chuckled from the doorway as everyone turned. True to his word, Theo was the only one wearing a successfully tied tie. Harley had a mess of a knot around his throat that resembled a noose more than a tie, and Peter's hung loose from where Theo undid it. "Never tied a tie on anyone else?"

Theo shook his head.

"Here, let me help you." Within moments, he undid Harley's noose-tie and made sure everyone faced him. "First…"

After another ten minutes, all four men had successfully tied their own ties. Peter opted for his spider-themed suit (of course he would) and loaned his other overshirts to Theo and Harley. Theo's black-on-black worked surprisingly well. Rather than seeming like a mourner, he simply seemed nonchalant and uncaring. In contrast, Peter's grey pinstripes matched the baby-blue shirt Harley borrowed from Theo in a way Tony never thought possible. One of them had an eye for unusual fashion, though he'd probably never find out who until he actually got them to a tailor.

"Are you ready?" Tony asked, slipping on a pair of sunglasses.

Theo set his glasses on the table and fumbled in his pockets for some mirror shades. "Yeah." He turned to a lamp and walked right into it. "Sorry, Tony."

"I'm over here." The billionaire waved, hoping the movement would catch his son's attention. "Blue, how bad are your eyes?"

"Uhh… Bad."

Harley placed the discarded glasses on his face. "Holy  _ shit _ ."

"Theo's current glasses are 6.50 in his left eye and 6.75 in his right, but his behaviour indicates his vision may not be completely corrected even with glasses," FRIDAY chimed helpfully. "He often squints at objects that should be close enough to see with perfect or near-perfect vision."

"Thanks a lot, FRI," the ginger sassed. "I've been working on prescription shades, but I don't even know my current prescription," he continued

"Why do you even want to wear mirror shades?" Peter asked.

"Shades for bright lights, mirror so they can't see me have a mental breakdown."

Tony laughed. "All the right reasons, then." He removed the (are the lenses  _ scratched? _ ) prescription glasses from Harley's face and took Theo and Peter's hands. Harley helped himself to Theo's left hand. "Ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Theo muttered.

Pepper met them by the door. Tony would forever be thankful to her for hand-selecting trustworthy news outlets and playing damage control every time something leaked. He had a lot more to thank her for, but for now, he'd settle for leaning in and giving her a quick kiss. "Ready, honey?"

She chuckled. "I should be asking you."

"Ready as I'll ever be." He let go of Peter and Theo, making sure his left hand brushed the latter's fingertips. Both of them hated PDA, but that didn't change the fact that Theo was effectively blind without his glasses.

The press conference went surprisingly well, considering none of the kids really knew about it until an hour beforehand.

"Mr. Stark, how long have you known these kids?"

"I met Harley about 4 or 5  years ago. I've known Peter about since he started interning for me, say… 2 years? Ish? I met Theo about a week ago, but I couldn't just leave him to the system or the streets." Tony smiled fondly. "They're three of the brightest kids I know."

"What caught your attention about each of them?"

He turned to Harley with a shit-eating grin. "Harley's garage was unlocked, and I needed to charge the Iron Man suit, so I broke in. He walked in a few minutes later and pointed a potato gun at me."

"He likes tuna fish sandwiches," the subject of his embarrassing stories announced.

Tony was undeterred. "I heard of Peter from his amazing academics and winning the Robotics competition, so when he sent in an application to the September Foundation, I had no qualms about accepting him."

Peter raised a hand, blushing. "I can confirm he likes tuna fish sandwiches."

"Theo… adopted us. He stuck around and helped Spidey, Chronos, and I investigate the local shooting. He actually introduced us to his local vigilante and worked behind-the-scenes to get us information we might not have had otherwise."

"Is it true that Theodore Stark was formerly known as Tiana Fjeld? Tiana, why did you change your name? Are you running from your father? Trying to pretend to be someone you're not?"

In hindsight, Tony knew he should've seen the question coming. The target of the reporter's insensitivity must have expected it, if the speed he answered was any indication. "Yes, Tiana Zajaczkowski-Fjeld was the name I was assigned at birth. I changed my name because I am Theodore now. Perhaps I always was." Theo whipped his shades off, circling dangerously toward the reporter. "I don't have to run from anyone. I am Theo. Tiana is the one I'm not." After a moment, he smiled and slid the mirror shades back on his head, the reporter's reflection tinted green in their lenses. "Any other misunderstandings I need to address?"

That reporter's head shook wildly, but another took her place.

"Isn't Theo a boy's name?"

"I _am_ a boy. Next question."

"Don't you have-"

Tony stepped in. "Yes, Theo is transgender."

"We all are," Peter stated, stepping forward to form a line next to his father. "Harley, Theo, me… If you want to question him about his gender, you have to question us all."

Pepper lined up next to Tony. "I am as well."

While Harley stepped forward and pulled Theo into line with them, Tony prepared himself for what could very well be the end of his relative popularity with the general public.

"Me, too."

The press didn't have time to recover before Happy escorted the family from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tie-tying is actually from my own experience. i can tie a tie in seconds on myself, but i sat in front of my brother and spent an hour trying to tie his tie before dad stepped in and gave us an old clip-on
> 
> eye test is also mine i have horrible eyesight lmao
> 
> trans pepper potts? in MY fanfiction? it's more likely than you think
> 
> why is everyone trans? because i'm trans and this is my fanfiction i can do whatever i want with it and if that means everyone is trans so be it its not a huge thing i just figured the media would IMMEDIATE be like "hmmm wasnt this the kid whose dad got put in a custody case? isnt he a girl? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT A GIRL"


	14. we will find fight like a soldier coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is Done With Your Shit(TM).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit bois two more chapters (including this one) and then its over
> 
> i dont like the beginning of this chapter at all rip but i wrote this while i was barely coherent bc fever so oof
> 
> title from times like these by the eden project (is it obvious i have a problem yet?)
> 
> this is like 6000 words and 12 1/2 pages and i dont want to split it up because i dont want to have 16 chapters
> 
> WARNING there's the t-slurs in here as well as some panic attacks, mental breakdowns, uhh definitely transphobia, abuse mentions, some bullshit about incest/pedophilia (which is completely fictional people are just dicks), rape mention, uhh theres a lot tbh if you even think you might get mildly uncomfortable please dont read this its not important and is just a lot of me making my children suffer reading the tags is important

It took longer than expected for the rogue Avengers to get back in contact, and that was only to send a list of SHIELD-certified therapists who would maybe not spill their secrets. While Tony went to work running background checks and possibly doing some minor stalking (it wasn't as if the things he found weren't public information, after all), he had FRIDAY keep an eye on his kids.

Peter threw himself into Spider-Man. While he seemed to be coping, he still cried himself to sleep and screamed awake most nights. He'd sometimes simply knock on Tony's door, an unspoken request to stay. He hated to think what his kid dreamt about. It was great that Peter trusted him enough to come to him for comfort, but some nights, Peter would cling just a little too tightly until Tony ran a hand through his hair.

Harley went to work with Pepper working on PR and controlling the inevitable media shitstorm from their mass coming-out. As hard as they worked to keep the worst of it off Tony's radar, he couldn't help but notice a few. _Is the 1% Turning the New Generation Into Trannies? Tony Stark Brainwashes Traumatized Children._ Hell, they even attacked Pepper: _10 Reasons We Knew Pepper Potts Was A Trap Before He Told Us._

It pissed him off to no end. Not only do they attack him, they attack his fiance. His _future wife._ They went out of their way to harrass and misgender her, one "feminist" (Tony may go out of his way to avoid discourse circles on social media, but even he'd heard of TERFs) magazine even claiming she was "just another man taking CEO positions meant for women." Tony didn't care about any of that stuff. If he went back, he would've made her CEO the moment she stepped into his office. She was an amazing businesswoman, and while he was great at being the face of the company and inventing, he was hopelessly inept when it came to actually doing CEO things. Like paperwork. And running a company.

Perhaps that's why he wasn't surprised when Michelle Jones showed up on his doorstep, asking for an interview for her blog. He assumed it was no coincidence she picked a day when all five would be home.

Pepper smiled. "Of course, Miss Jones. I know we can trust you."

They all knew. The day of their coming-out interview, she requested footage of the full interview from the Starks and quickly put together a blog post detailing and proving not only how the reporter directly confronted Theo, but how coming out must have been huge for the rest of the family. "Any LGBTQ+ person knows how hard it is to come out, even to your closest family. Some of us never do. The Starks and Miss Potts should have never had the reception they did. They are not freaks. They are not the metaphorical 'water turning the frogs gay.' They are human beings, and they deserve to be respected regardless of personal opinions." Coming from MJ, who certainly wasn't a fan of Tony and could have easily left them to flail, it was a compliment. When Peter talked to her about it at school, she simply responded, "They have no right to harass you guys for being yourselves."

The group settled in the living room as MJ set up a camcorder near the television. "I'm going to start this, join you, and wait a beat before starting. Are you all ready?"

After nods of affirmation, she pushed the button on her camcorder and strode to the couch, positioning herself between Pepper and Peter.

"Hello, everyone. I'm here with the Stark family on a follow-up to their coming out interview. How are you all doing after that?" It didn't escape Tony's attention that she avoided referring to the group as "you guys" unless she was directly addressing the boys.

All of them responded with some variation of "Okay," or "We're handling it." Theo fiddled with his glasses, clearly wishing he had his mirror shades.

"I have a few questions for the entire family, and then a couple individual ones. Is that okay?" At their nods, she continued, "If it's not too personal, when did you all know you were transgender? How did you figure it out?"

Thankfully, Pepper went first. "I didn't figure it out until later in adulthood. As a child, my parents were very open to experimentation and supported me in all my endeavors. I would try on my mom's clothes, grow my hair out, and overall just enjoy myself. Once I got older, I realized people didn't approve, so I tried to conform. I was okay living as a guy, but I found out I loved when people thought I was a girl. Even then, I didn't truly figure it out until I ended up in a gay bar and talked to another transwoman about it. She encouraged me to continue experimenting and live how I felt comfortable. Some people told me I would regret transitioning, but I never did." She smiled. "And thanks to Tony overpaying his secretaries, I was able to finally finish surgical transitioning after working at Stark Industries for only a couple of years."

"I didn't overpay you. If anything, I underpaid you. You did CEO work without the CEO title for how many years again?"

She just laughed. "Most places would've paid less for more work."

"You were basically my personal babysitter." He took a breath, but got cut off by Peter.

"I hated myself," he squeaked. "I hated how I sounded and looked. Most of all, though? I hated how I felt. I liked girls, but it didn't feel like I wanted to be their girlfriend. Same with boys. I wanted to be their boyfriend. That's kind of how I think I knew. Does that make sense?"

Michelle nodded.

Tony finally got the courage to speak up. "I probably wouldn't have known if not for my dad. He could never decide whether I was a boy or a girl as a kid, so I made the decision for him. I felt I could live my best, most comfortable life as a man. I did." He wanted to shut up. It was all horribly personal for him, but he didn't think he could keep the words in if his life depended on it anymore. "I ended up getting breast cancer when I was 13. I asked my mom if I could skip reconstructive surgery. She agreed. I came out to her not long after, and she accepted me. It all went downhill when I came home with a girl on a day my father conveniently thought I was a girl. Needless to say, he didn't like it." Tony bit his lip. Pepper rested a hand on his shoulder.

Theo took the awkward moment to pipe in with his story. "I felt wrong, especially in my teenage years. I looked in the mirror and every part of me screamed 'No! This isn't right!' I thought it was because I wasn't feminine enough. Hoo, boy, was I wrong." He chuckled, lightening the mood.

"I just felt like it, I guess," Harley piped in. "I liked guy's clothing and having short hair, and when Tony assumed I was a guy, it just… felt right. So I went with it."

Tony coughed, conveniently covering his cheeks with his arm. He didn't know Harley was questioning when he came by. Guessing the kid's gender that night was a (ha, ha) shot in the dark. When Harley didn't object, Tony went with it.

"Miss Potts, what factored into your success at Stark Industries?"

Pepper, unlike Tony, knew the happy medium between confidence without bragging and humility without self-deprecation. She knew her strengths and weaknesses well, and it showed. "When I worked as a secretary, I often had responsibilities placed upon me that I didn't expect. I think my adaptability helped a lot. When Tony needed a babysitter, I figured out what to do. When he handed me the company, I went with it. While I'm sure his crush on me helped-" She dodged Tony's playful pinch and laughed. "I don't doubt I'm just as qualified as anyone else."

MJ smiled and turned to Tony. "Mr. Stark, do you believe your parents would be proud of you if they could see you today?"

The color drained from his face. He hoped it wasn't as noticeable as he felt. "Mom would be. Dad…" He sighed and threw an arm around the wonderful woman beside him. "I have a family that cares about me, now. If he isn't proud of me, at least one of these four has to be."

The young blogger nodded solemnly and moved on. "I assume it's safe to say you saw Mr. Stark as a father figure even before your aunt's death, Peter."

The spiderling nodded, face falling a bit.

"How do you believe Mrs. Parker and Mr. Stark's combined influence affected you?"

He brightened immediately. "May taught me a lot, and Mr. Stark taught me what she couldn't. Even on their worst days, they would smile and make sure I was okay. May and…" He hesitated. "May and Ben taught me how to be courageous, but Mr. Stark taught me it was okay not to be. He taught me how to push through failure, but May taught me I couldn't change everything. They all had their strengths and weaknesses, but I think I turned out okay." He grinned at his mentor.

"Harley, how did you deal with your mother's death?"

All four Starks glanced over as Harley inhaled sharply. They waited with bated breath until he finally spoke, "I didn't know she was gone until Social Services came after me." He paused as if hoping MJ would move on. When she didn't, he continued. "She wasn't a bad mom. Just absent. My dad ditched us when I was young, and she never really got over it. I figured she did the same."

Theo tapped his brother's hand in sympathy.

MJ bit her lip and stared at a spot behind Theo. It wasn't visible from the camera angle, but huddled up on the oversized couch, it was clear she couldn't meet his gaze. "Your biological father, Sean Fjeld, has been released. He's under a restraining order, but he claims to be after you, anyway. What do you think will happen?"

Something in Theo's eyes shifted. He went from awkwardly casual to almost dangerous in the blink of an eye without any noticeable shift in posture or expression. It took Tony a moment to realize nobody else could see it because they didn't _know._ They never had to watch for the simple twitch of a lip or eyebrow that indicated danger. It dawned on him he wouldn't have noticed it himself a month ago. Did the kid set him on edge that much?

_"We're kind of the same."_

_"We are, aren't we?"_

The ginger laughed almost sadistically. "He can try. If he gets past the security systems, Iron Man, _and_ Pepper, he's damn welcome to help himself." He leaned in and stage-whispered, "I'm more worried about what Pepper will do to him than what he'll do to me."

Tony laughed with the rest of them, waiting until after the interview to think about it.

Once he finally got settled in the lab with a cup of coffee, he noticed a tiny figure curled in a dark back corner.

"Which one of my kids hacked the _biometric scanner_ outside my lab? How did you even do that?"

The lump didn't respond, but shifted up slightly. Something glinted briefly from the lamp above Tony's workstation.

"Theo, you have to stop using our DNA samples to break in." He situated himself and got to work messing with a gauntlet.

"Taser."

"Huh?"

"I tasered the lock and door at the same time. Needs more rubber."

"That glass isn't conductive, kiddo."

"You have metal around the frame. Didn't take a genius."

Tony set down his project and spun around in the stool. "We gotta talk about that."

"What?"

He went to scoop the figure up, only succeeding in scaring the kid further into the corner. He settled for sitting against the wall a few feet away. "Your awareness of your intellect."

"I'm very aware that I'm a dumbass, Tony."

"Correction: you think you're a dumbass because nobody ever took the time to work with you." He sighed as Theo's head shook. "Think of your brain as a computer. Different computers have different strengths, and even a well-rounded computer is blank straight out of the box. Not every computer can even open the same file types." Tony hauled himself up and stumbled stiffly over to his holographic screens. Wow, he was getting old. "What programming languages do you know?"

"Uhh… A lot."

"Let me rephrase that: Which ones _don't_ you know?"

"Um…"

Tony shoved the heels of his hands in his eyes. "Do you have literally any other interests that you only have a vague idea of?"

"Ha."

"What's something you're horrible at that you couldn't do to save your life?"

"Almost anything to do with names, places, or numbers. Trig and geography were always my worst." He hoisted himself out of the corner and shuffled stiffly to his father's side. "Are you trying to make me not an idiot?"

"Sort of. I assume you're usually given information straight out of a textbook with only minor demonstration, correct?" At the younger's nod, he smiled. "First, I need to give you a base quiz to see where you're at. Then, I'm going to give you the information printed off and ask you to read it. Once you've gone through them and taken all the notes you want, I'll quiz you on it. After, I'll try to demonstrate and explain it until you feel confident, and I'll quiz you again."

"It's a learning test," Theo stated.

"It's a learning test."

"What if I don't learn?"

"Can I tell you a secret, Blue?"

He nodded.

"I absolutely sucked at English-type classes. Math and science were my best friends. I could get by in history. English, though?" Tony mimicked a buzzer. "Never in my life did I struggle so hard to simply pass a class. My father hated it. 'You should be smarter than this, Anthony. Why are a few words holding you so far back?' Turns out I was mildly dyslexic. I could read a blueprint like nobody's business, but a page of text? Ha. Would you say I'm dumb, Theo?"

"Not at all. You're one of the smartest people alive."

"Exactly. I just needed a little help." He smiled at the kid. "Maybe you do, too."

"Or maybe I'm just dumb."

"Maybe you just aren't geared for certain things. I'm not geared for reading, so I make things easier to read. Maybe you aren't geared for trigonometry and geography, but we can find things that help you, right?" He passed the now-printed sheets to his small ginger clone. "I have yet to find a person in this world who doesn't have the potential to do anything they put their mind to."

"Ross."

"He put his mind to fucking us all over. Now, indulge an old man and do your homework."

An hour later, the kid chucked his pencil across the room and growled, "I don't fucking _get_ it."

"Time to re-test?" Tony threw a casual glance at his frustrated son and saw tear tracks glinting across his face. "Nope, time to sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"You don't feel tired because you've been putting everything you have into processing trig. Once the adrenaline wears off, you'll be out like a light." He bridal-scooped Theo (was Theo that much smaller than Peter?) up and quietly called, "FRIDAY, roll out the bed."

A bed slid out from the back wall near where Theo hid earlier.

"I'm a bit concerned about how tense you are, but we'll talk in the morning, okay?" The mechanic started back to his worktable when something caught his shirt.

"You too," Theo muttered, exhaustion finally catching up to him. "You haven't slept in at least as long as I have."

While he knew he could simply pull away and claim he didn't need sleep, it seemed almost heartless to do that after he basically forced the kid into bed. "Ugh. Okay. FRIDAY?"

The bed Rhodey or Pepper usually used to make sure he actually slept popped out a few feet away.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"No dark."

"...You're afraid of the dark?"

"Yeah."

He chuckled, but told FRIDAY to leave a light on anyway. If that's the worst Theo's afraid of, Tony would be thankful.

Unfortunately, it wasn't.

Tony woke up to a cold hand grabbing his wrist and immediately jerked back, preparing to kill whoever dared threaten his family. The person attached to the offending limb backed away, quickly muttering out apologies before running out of the workshop.

"Wait, Theo!" Tony took off after him, half-considering summoning a suit to speed him along. The kid didn't seem to be using his abilities, though, so he moved kind of slowly.

He found all three kids in the common room, Theo muttering, "Please, I'm sorry," between sobs while the other two tried to comfort him.

"Theo?"

He glanced up and flinched back.

"Theo, it's okay. I'm going to keep you safe."

"That's what you always say," he whispered.

Tony paused, confused, and bent down to meet his eyes. "Do you know who I am?"

The younger tensed more and stared.

"Who do you think I am?"

He didn't respond. Tony didn't like where this seemed to lead.

"Can you tell me about yourself?"

Theo shook his head.

"FRIDAY, call Rhodey," Tony whispered. After the lights flickered in acknowledgement, he turned back to his kid. "May I touch you?"

"No!" Both flinched back, and Theo immediately squeaked, "I'm sorry!"

Harley glanced away from his phone and kneeled next to the others. "Theo, I'm going to take your hand. Can you nod if that's okay?"

The ginger agreed.

"You aren't there anymore. You're in the Avengers tower with your new family. Sean isn't here anymore. That's Tony."

He glanced back up for a moment. "Tony?"

"Yes, that's Tony. I'm Harley, and Peter's on your other side."

Peter moved to wave, but his family's glares stopped him. "I'm Peter."

"He's coming."

"He's not going to make it. You have Spider-Man, Iron Man, _and_ Pepper Potts defending you. Any one of them would fuck his shit up."

Theo giggled. "Yeah."

"And you have powers. You could take him by yourself if you wanted to."

He froze.

"If you don't want to, we'll fight him ourselves."

"I think I'd like that."

Rhodey entered the room about as quietly as one could with metal leg braces, which was to say not at all. "What's up, Tony?"

Tony glanced back. "I'm going to get up and leave now, okay? But I'll be back. You're safe, okay, Blue?"

The chronomancer nodded, and his father left him with his brothers. The moment they were out of sight, Tony collapsed against the wall.

"Tones?"

"What do I do?" His voice cracked. "How do I fix this?"

Rhodey settled next to his friend about as much as he could. "First, you accept you can't always fix everything."

"Unrealistic. Blocked."

He chuckled a moment, acknowledging Tony's deflection before ignoring it. "Then, you figure out what works and what doesn't. You know as well as I do that you weren't exactly helpful in that department."

"He's like me, Rhodey. You've heard of the Fjeld case? The one where his wife literally fled to a third-world country to avoid him? That's the kid I'm working with. He's already got the Stark traits. I can't fucking… I don't know what to do." He swallowed back tears. "He's just like me. What worked?"

"You have to take care of yourself. Then you can take care of him. That's just how it is."

"But _how_?"

"For you, just being there helped. Then again, I wasn't anything like your dad."

"I don't know what triggered it. I woke up, and-"

"You reacted. He reacted back." The colonel smiled. "Tones, we went through that hundreds of times at MIT. You weren't exactly the calmest riser."

"It's coming back. I mean, I always _knew_ my dad was a shithead, but-"

"I know."

When they locked eyes, something told Tony they were more alike than they thought.

"Now, c'mon, Tones. Let's go do what you do best."

"Which is?"

"Fix this mess."

By the time they got back, everything seemed okay. Well, more okay than it was. Theo slid off the couch and ran toward Tony for a hug, which was an improvement from flinching away.

"I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't've woken you."

He winced. Did the panic attack scare the kid that much? "It's fine, Blue. I shouldn't have lashed out." He gently clapped (Rhodey could attest any rapid movement set Tony off in college, and the last thing he wanted was another panic attack) and chirped, "Well, shall we continue?"

After another hour in the lab looking over trigonometry, Theo threw the entire packet across the room. "I don't get it."

A couple quick tests swiftly confirmed Theo's previous statement.

"You seem to get the basics, right?"

"Kind of."

"Want to go over it?"

He nodded.

After Tony deemed the material thoroughly understood, he quizzed the youngster again.

"Kid, you got all of those right."

"And?"

"In your head."

"...And?"

"...What's the sine of 20?" Tony quickly pulled up the calculator on his StarkPhone.

"0.34." Theo glanced up. "Ish."

"Cosine of 65?"

"I don't fucking know! Like, 0.42 or something like that. Maybe. I don't know."

"...Tangent of 47?"

"A little over 1, I think." Theo scratched something down on the back of his hand. "Yeah. 1.07, since 46 is 1.03 and 48 is 1.11. You add about 0.04 for each at that point, right?"

"Holy shit, kid."

"It's actually closer to 0.035, but since I usually go to the hundredths place, I don't worry too much-"

"Shut up and bask in your badassery. You memorized a shortcut for doing in-depth calculator work. Hell, you might have _invented_ that shortcut. Hot damn."

"My geometry teacher wouldn't loan me a calculator, and I didn't have the money to get one myself, so I had to figure _something_ out.

Tony rubbed his eyes. "That is _really_ fucked up. Please tell me you don't have to anymore."

"It's faster."

" _Blue._ "

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No. You saved so many people stressful nights. We have to share this."

 

[VIDEO]

 **tonystark:** Im so proud of @timeouttechdude

 **pparker:** REBLOG TO SAVE A LIFE

 **harleynotquinn:** new favorite brother.

 **pparker:** never mind post cancelled

 **timeouttechdude:** can we go back to NEW favorite brother?? smh at least my indecision is constant

 **pparker:** post uncancelled theo is a pure bean

 **timeouttechdude:** post recancelled yall are fucking GROSS

 

 **whythefuckyoulion:** are the stark kids fucking or something no family is that in sync if theyre not fucking

 **whythefuckyoulion:** actually i wouldnt be surprised if The Stark Himself got in on it we all know how he was

 **timeouttechdude:** were??? related???

 **tonystark:** Thats actually gross @whythefuckyoulion im engaged and if i was having sexual relations with _anyone_ other than my two significant others 1) its none of your business and 2) i wouldnt fuck any children much less my own

 **timeouttechdude:** ^^^

 **timeouttechdude:** okay tmi story time but ive been sexually abused harrassed and assaulted and any even mildly sexual talk with anyone younger than 16 or older than 19 makes me really uncomfortable? tony is aware of this and avoids anything that is absolutely not necessary to know for my health or future surgeries to the point of basically having me organize it myself

 **whythefuckyoulion:** have you ever wondered if you were repressing traumas honey? we all saw @equalityisfreedom's interview and know damn well you have some sort of personality disorder maybe your default just isnt fronting when youre in sexual situations sweetie

 **equalityisfreedom:** This entire thread is disgusting. I'm certainly not one of Stark's biggest fans, but to insinuate he has sexual relations with his children? I have to side with the Starks on this one.

 

> redneck gay: oh my god please tell me im hallucinating
> 
> redneck gay: whatthefuck.png
> 
> harley: hahawhatthefuck.gif
> 
> sbider: WHY
> 
> sbider: @iron dad IF WE HAVE TO BE CURSED WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE SO DO YOU DATE WITH COLONEL RHODES AND MISS POTTS BE DAMNED
> 
> iron dad: OH MY GOD MY EYES
> 
> redneck gay: what the fuck do i do ive never had people spam me with this shit??
> 
> redneck gay: like if i say you arent my sugar daddy are people gonna be like why the fuck you lyin
> 
> iron dad: Dont say anything im getting pepper and rhodey on this
> 
> _iron dad added Pepper and War Machine to the chat._
> 
> Pepper: Oh, my God.
> 
> Pepper: Why?
> 
> War Machine: what the FUCK holy shit
> 
> redneck gay: timeouttechdudetumblr.com/post/equalityisfreedom-whythefuckyoulion-timeouttechdude
> 
> redneck gay: which might have sparked from timeouttechdude.tumblr.com/post/pparker-timeouttechdude-harleynotquinn-pparker
> 
> mama bear: I wish we could just call another press conference, but considering last time…
> 
> iron dad: I was going to say somethign but forgot about it when i saw mama bear
> 
> iron dad: Oh yeah its already hit news outlets
> 
> iron dad: istonystarkfuckinghischildren.jpg
> 
> iron dad: johnmulaneyno.png
> 
> iron dad: Am i alive? Do i exist?
> 
> redneck gay: dad please we cant both lose our grasp on reality at the same time does anyone have leftover antipsychotics i never refilled my prescription
> 
> sbider: i want to die
> 
> blue iron dad: what a mood
> 
> blue iron dad: WHY

 

"Hey, Penis!"

 _I don't need this today,_ Peter thought as he half-ran to his locker.

"What's wrong? Sad your sugar daddy didn't give you what you wanted?" Flash taunted.

"What's wrong with you, tall-blonde-and-asshole? Sad you ain't got one?"

The entire hallway turned to stare at the flannel-clad ginger. This time, the soft cloth was blue and grey with almost unnoticeable pink accents over a raspberry shirt advertising _Showtime 2018: Don't Go Breakin' My Heart!_

"And the favorite child itself!" Flash grinned.

"At least my dad cares."

By that time, the entire hallway was silent. Students pulled out their phones, probably recording the entire thing and preparing to post it everywhere.

Flash's face twisted into anger. "How did you know about that?" he growled.

"Oh, honey…" Theo twirled the significantly larger boy into his arms and dipped him. "You talk like us." The smaller dropped him remorselessly and turned to Peter. "So, where's 1036?"

The crowd quickly dispersed, realizing the fight was over.

 

 **guy-in-the-chair:** i think ive made a new friend

 **carryonmywaywardthots:** who?

 **guy-in-the-chair:** so you know that video of @timeouttechdude roasting a hoe going around? he goes to my school and is SUPER into IT so we share a lot of classes and had a lot of time to kind of meet and honestly im just a little gay but he is outright one of the smartest people ive ever met

 **guy-in-the-chair:** and the worst part is he doesnt fucking know it. hes like "im a dumbass heres some irrelevant proof" but didnt tony stark literally prove this kid is either on his level of genius or could get there pretty easily with the sincostan trick

 **timeouttechdude:** ned i broke my foot with a pizza thats pretty fucking dumb

 **guy-in-the-chair:** DUDE. you created your own programming language. you speak binary and morse FLUENTLY and took less than 5 seconds to decipher about 4 different encryptions. you're proficient in most modern coding languages, as well as a few older ones. you figured out how to calculate approximate sines, cosines, and tangents without a calculator using a damn ratio. i think peter said you hacked the iron man suit as well so like… you arent dumb. youre just clumsy

 **timeouttechdude:** unrealistic. blocked

 **pparker:** i beg to differ

 **timeouttechdude:** then beg

 **harleynotquinn:** okay but we need to shower my bro in love for a second. he was forced out on television and blamed himself for our harassment (which was completely voluntary and we all knew what we were getting into) until the @equalityisfreedom interview for all the bad press tony got. he was horribly abused before tony got fjeld in custody and still works every day to help abuse and runaway shelters, no matter how badly it affects his mental health. he defended my brother the moment he realized flash bullied him, and you know what? he's still in contact with flash, making sure he's okay and his dad hasn't killed him yet and that he knows how to get out if he has to. theo watched his brother die. he was abandoned by both his birth mother and his stepmother. guess what? he opened a website that reunites estranged families if everyone wants to reunite. an old friend of his couldn't handle losing their abusive stepfather and rapist, so when those two died, he flew back to wisconsin and spent the night consoling his friend as best as he could. personally? i would've killed the bastards myself. theo is a better person than he realizes, and as much as he seems like tony's personality clone, i think we've all realized tony's public persona was all for show.

 **carryonmywaywardthots:** in this house we love and appreciate theodore stark

 **timeouttechdude:** oh so this is how we're playing huh? friendly reminder that harley keener saved tony starks life when he was like 8 or something harley can build almost anything out of anything he made a pvc pipe into a functional semi-automatic gun and peter parker was ready to take on the drones at the stark expo with just his iron man costume plus wasnt he like the youngest winner of some science fair thing and originally attended midtown on full scholarship and i know for a fact he was not only the first but the youngest member of the september foundation and both of them are intentionally deflecting attention onto me solely because as awkward as i am irl im actually a fucking attention whore and need constant affection or i break down

 **pparker:** FRIENDLY REMINDER THEO IS ACTUALLY A DECENT HUMAN BEING EVEN IF HES A VEGETARIAN

 **timeouttechdude:** WHAT THE FUCK PARKER IM NOT EVEN A VEGETARIAN

 

> godofthunder: Hello, Stark. I am on Midgard.
> 
> godofthunder: I heard you have three sons now.
> 
> Stark: Yeah
> 
> godofthunder: Are they involved in…
> 
> Stark: What no
> 
> Stark: Okay kind of
> 
> Stark: When theyre older
> 
> godofthunder: Will they take the test?
> 
> Stark: Sure why not

 

Tony scrolled through his Tumblr inbox while waiting for his coffee to brew. Luckily, the weird Starkcest fiasco was over; however, he was flooded with asks from hundreds of others.

 

 **Anonymous:** are you aware your kids are the sweetest people ever

 **tonystark:** Of course they are i could go on for days about them holy shit

 

 **carryonmywaywardthots:** please tell us about peter! your kids all deflect attention onto theo and theo is an amazing bean but i want to hear about peter! he seems so shy aaaa

 **tonystark:** Peter is absolutely charming it took about 2 minutes for him to charm rhodey into liking him and 10 seconds to get pepper to love him imagine a tiny puppy wagging his tail at you thats peter hes one of the brightest kids ive ever met and has been since he was 14 and i cant believe ive had the pleasure of knowing this amazing boy for three years

 

 **timeouttechdude:** whats it like being a dad

 **tonystark:** Whats it like having a dad who loves and cares about you

 **timeouttechdude:** oh shit gotta yeet

 **tonystark:** You arent escaping this that easily

 **tonystark:** HE LEFT THE STATE JSHDFLKJSDHF

 

Someone stepped lightly into the kitchen area as he poured his coffee. He assumed Theo came back for a snack until they stopped.

Theo didn't stop moving until he got what he came for.

"Romanov."

The redhead approached another step. Her reflection on the coffee jug confirmed her presence now. "How did you know?"

"You walk like us."

She crossed the room, hesitating next to the coffee maker. "Are you okay?"

"I can't do this anymore, Nat," he whispered. "I'm not okay, but I have to be. If I'm not okay, who's going to take care of the kids?"

The air pressure near his face changed slightly as she raised her hand. Before he could think, he grabbed her wrist and whipped around.

For once in her life, the assassin looked scared.

It took Tony a moment to realize she'd only reached out to place a hand on his shoulder. He dropped her arm, muttering, "Sorry," and turning back to his coffee.

Neither said anything for a while.

Just before Tony finished off his drink, he choked out, "I hate that he knows what it's like."

"I do too, Stark." She leaned back against the counter, keeping her hands clearly in view.

"It's never going to leave him, and I hate it." He paused to laugh mirthlessly. "This fucked them all up big time, and I'm probably the shittiest person you could pick to try to hold the pieces together. I've failed them before, and I'll fail them again."

"In my opinion, you have trouble separating your successes from your failures."

He cocked his head. "Explain."

"You've done so much good with your children, your inventions, saving the world a few times… Yeah, you've fucked up, but you dealt with it. You let loose an AI hell-bent on destroying the world, but you went out and fixed it. When the kids' families got kidnapped, your top priority was getting as many people out alive as possible. You weren't successful, but you helped us free people at dozens of other locations. You adopted three kids to make sure they didn't end up on the streets or in a dangerous household after their parental figures were killed, arrested, or fled the country. Even if it was out of guilt originally, it's out of love now." She leaned back and stretched. "Follow your instincts, Stark. Even when they're wrong, you'll figure out how to fix it." As she turned to leave, she froze.

"Hi, Aunt Widow."

Tony whipped around, rubbing tears out of his eyes like he would rub sleep away. Damn emotions always getting in the way. "Theo, what are you doing up?"

The youngster took that as his cue to fully enter the room, stockings almost silent against the tile. "You know how I ran an ancestry test for shits and giggles?"

"Yeah?"

"...FRIDAY, please tell him."

"It appears you are one of his biological parents."

Tony dropped his last sip of coffee. " _What?_ "

"I would assume you donated your uterus to someone after you got it removed, and the lucky winner happened to have me. What a small world." Theo pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Sean also isn't biologically my dad. He just thinks he is."

The billionaire froze before grinning almost maniacally. "So he has no legal claim to you."

"Oh, no. He definitely has legal claim to me. Less so than you, but since Kris signed me over to him, he could fight you in a court of law."

"But we have a DNA test proving he isn't the father."

"My bio-dad is dead, Tony." The ginger bit his lip. "If Sean tries to come after me, he might actually get custody back."

"If Sean comes after you, he can fight me." Both men jumped at Natasha's statement, having forgotten she was there.

"Me, too," Tony murmured.

"And us." Sticking to the ceiling above were Peter and Harley.

"Do we have any more unexpected eavesdroppers?" Tony asked half-rhetorically.

FRIDAY violently ejected Clint from the vents.

"I'll go out and kill the bitch myself," he wheezed as the dust settled.

"...Do I even want to know?"

"The rest are hiding… around. We've only been here for an hour. Steve wanted his shield back, and Nat wanted to check on her nephew."

Tony sighed. "You guys can stick around for whatever meal comes at two in the morning, I guess. Thor's probably arriving soon enough."

Thunder rumbled through the walls.

"Speak of the devil."

Thor strode out of the elevator about ten seconds later with Bruce Banner and-

"Loki," everyone over 18 growled.

"Loki!" the kids squeaked as they charged the god of mischief.

"Stay back!" Loki yelled, knives materializing out of thin air.

Sadly, none of the children had any self-preservation skills and barely avoided impaling themselves as they tackle-hugged him.

"Is it true you're, like, 16 by Midgardian standards?"

"What can you shapeshift into?"

"Can you turn people into frogs?"

"Ish, almost anything, and what the fuck, no." Loki attempted to peel the spider-kid off himself and called, "Thor, these children are attacking me."

The buff god chuckled as he peeled Peter off his sibling. "Let Loki go, Starksons."

"Oh, God, these are all mini-Starks? I want to die."

"Big mood," all present Starks responded.

"Is it time, Stark?" Thor asked, bouncing gleefully.

"Did you absorb Peter's energy? I don't think I've ever seen you this excited."

"There's a new generation of heroes! We should celebrate!"

Tony barely stopped Thor from pouring the kids drinks. "They're only 17."

"Oh, growing boys then!" Thor poured more alcohol into each glass.

"Thor, no."

"I'll take some," Theo offered.

"No underage drinking in my house."

"Oops, better ditch my vodka stash. Do I have to lose the weed, too?"

Tony glared at the kid. "You better be kidding."

"Mostly."

He accepted it and moved on to intercepting every drink Thor tried to offer his kids. By the time Tony convinced Thor not to give the kids alcohol, Theo'd picked out music good enough to attract the rest of the rogue Avengers.

"What are we drinking to?" Steve asked.

God, this felt like family. Was Tony's trust broken? Definitely. Did he think he'd ever truly have that again? Nope. They were a broken family now, estranged for years and barely able to tolerate each other with less than a bottle of vodka in their systems, but a family all the same. He missed it.

"To the new generation!" Thor cheered.

"To reuniting!" Peter yelled.

"To fixing the Accords," Nat stated.

Theo bit his lip, grinning a moment before shouting, "To life getting better!" loud enough for Clint to hear without his hearing aids.

"To life," Tony half-whispered.

Everything would be okay later. He'd drafted up a modified version of the Accords most of the Avengers would likely agree to more readily. This one focused on responsibility more than fulfilling Ross' power kink, stating that enhanced individuals would be subject to any laws and regulations an unenhanced citizen would while still ensuring the same rights offered to the unenhanced were available to the enhanced population. Before, it was almost an instant trip to the Raft to disobey any order. Now, they all had to play by the book.

As the billionaire expected, Ross hated it. The general population loved it, though, and after dozens of petitions and protests over the couple days after its proposal, Ross lost power. The revised Accords went into place, pardoning the rogue Avengers and allowing enhanced individuals to fight back for the first time in years.

Things weren't perfect, but they would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the abuse is really coming into play. i hate that i can say it's partially from personal experience, but like... it is sorry
> 
> the math however is NOT from personal experience im a fucking dumbass and sat there with a calculator and went through some numbers and noticed "oh hey after like 40-ish you can add about 0.035 to everything and get a close-ish answer" and i fucking rolled with it, that rule is ESPECIALLY noticeable after tan(44) though
> 
> the tumblr urls are complete bullshit but based off the format so like... if those urls are taken THEY ARE NOT BY ME. im pretty sure everyone's is taken anyway im just not creative and assume tony got tired of the url being taken by imposters and just asked tumblr if he could have it and the rest of them got lucky or claimed them early
> 
> also i think i started to burn myself out a bit?? i know i dont write very fast but im maybe halfway through chapter 15 and ive spent the past two days just staring at it without actually writing anything?? i HOPE i have ch 15 out monday or tuesday but no promises :^


	15. there are no ends, just greys and half-lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A happy ending... Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM STILL FEVERISH AND UNABLE TO WORD SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! TIME FOR YOUR FLUFF! i dont know how long this is going to be i just want to write pages and pages of fluff to make up for all the shit my poor children went through
> 
> title from forever/over by EDEN. yeah im aware i have a problem my gay heart loves his voice ok
> 
> im gonna put a TON of end notes because i love explaining myself but it leaves less mystery/inside jokes/confusion BUT I WANT TO SAY IT ALL

Tony knocked and poked his head in the door. "Happy birthday to you."

Theo rolled over, revealing a smaller person trapping his other arm, and gently shushed Tony.

Happy birthday to you," he sang softly, rolling his eyes. God, this was adorable. "Happy birthday dear Blue, happy birthday to you." The door swung open, revealing a trail of Avengers, Starks, and other friends bearing gifts and breakfast trays.

After a brief shushing, the birthday boy rolled back over and gently poked his companion's arm. "Chis, we have breakfast."

They rolled over and groaned.

"If you don't wake up, the Avengers might decide I'm taking too long to get out of bed and drag us both to whatever they're planning, and their parties are  _ loud. _ " He smiled as they finally sat up and rubbed their eyes.

"If we're intruding, we can come back later," Peter offered.

"It's fine," they murmured. "We were just cuddling."

He wiggled his eyebrows.

"No, Peter, we were  _ not _ doing  _ that, _ " Theo stated. He turned back to the Avengers. "You guys really didn't have to."

"Of course we did." Steve plunked a tray across both their laps and offered silverware. "Eat up. You have a big day ahead of you."

The pair dug in gratefully. While they ate, the group made themselves at home around the room and piled presents at the foot of the bed.

"Can I at least get out of bed before you guys bombard me with birthday gifts?" Theo and Chris untangled themselves from the sheets and managed to make it out without breaking anything.

Natasha wanted him to open her present first.

"Oh, my God, I love you, Aunt Widow." He pulled out a knife set and gasped. "Oh, my  _ God, _ I love you!" He gingerly removed a sleek pistol from the bottom.

"Couldn't have my nephew going out unarmed." She shrugged noncommittally.

Next came Peter's. Theo opened the wrapping to find an assortment of shirts.

"I kept track of all the shirts you drooled over or said you wanted," the spiderling explained. Theo just hugged him.

After he finally made his way through a mess of weapons, albums, and assorted merch, Tony stepped forward.

"We'll catch up in a minute," he stated, dismissing the others. When Chris went to follow, he said, "You can stay if you want. This'll probably involve you as well, soon enough."

They nodded and sat back down on the bed.

"So, you're 18 now."

Theo nodded.

"Which means you'll need to decide whether or not to sign the Accords… soon."

"I'm okay with the new terms. I'll sign them whenever you're ready."

Tony sighed. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Well, I do. I'd've the first person to admit not having to answer to anyone made me… reckless. I'm still paying the price for it."

"Okay." He pulled two wrapped gifts out from behind his back. "I think you'll like these."

Theo tore the wrapping paper off the first and opened the box. "Tony, you didn't have to."

"It's not Big Yeety, but I hoped you'd appreciate the smaller size." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Besides, I couldn't have you driving Ivic around, could I?"

"Ivic is perfectly functional, thank you very much."

"She's missing a rearview mirror and half of one of her tail-lights."

"At least she starts in the winter. Can Freezy say the same?"

"You name your cars?" Chris questioned.

"Only ironically," Theo responded. "You're sure I can keep it?"

"Of course. Why would I give you a truck just to take it away?"

Theo paused, thinking. "FRIDAY, can you ask everyone if any of them have ever ridden in the bed of a pickup truck?"

"Only Clint and Harley," she announced after a moment.

"I know what we're doing tonight." He grinned. "Tony, how about you?"

"I've always wanted to, but never got around to it."

"You are totally joining us."

Chris yee-hawed and bounced. "Can I come?"

"If you aren't too tired, sure." The ginger picked up the last present and tore it open. "Oh, my God. Tony…"

The billionaire grinned. "I know you didn't want to live off my charity, so you're going to be working for it."

"Manager? Come on, at least start me at the bottom with everyone else. New location be damned, there are so many people more qualified than me for it." He paused, taking it in. "You don't have to. It's been enough just taking care of me."

"Theo."

The ginger glanced back up.

"You deserve it. You're a genius, and more importantly, you're my son."

"Isn't fraternization illegal?"

"It's a family company." Tony waved it away. "That's not the point. You're my son, so of  _ course _ I'm going to take care of you. I'm not…" He trailed off. "I care about you, and I want you to be successful no matter what. If that means giving you a job you  _ completely _ deserve to pay for what is possibly the cheapest community college you could get-"

"Tech school's $11,000 for two years. That's not cheap."

"I think he can afford it," Chris teased.

"- _ Even though _ I think you could easily get a spot at MIT, I'm going to support you."

Theo sighed. "Thanks, Dad."

Tony grinned at the slip-up. "No problem, Blue. Ready for cake?"

"After  _ that _ breakfast?" The youngster grinned back. "No, but I know you guys are." He scooped Chris up princess-style and murmured something. They nodded before both disappeared in a gust of wind, leaving only a laugh.

When Tony arrived, the Avengers & Co. began encouraging Theo to blow out the candles.

"Make a wish!" Peter reminded his older brother as he inhaled.

He rolled his eyes, paused, and tried to blow out a candle. It flickered back to life. "Wow, thanks." After a moment of blowing on all the candles (who would've thought they'd make all but the second to last one a trick candle?), he gave up and replaced the cover momentarily.

"You're no fun," Clint whined.

"I'm lots of fun when I've had my morning vodka," Theo muttered.

"Speak up for the deaf man," Sam joked.

Tony didn't need a translator to understand the gesture his son and Clint threw Sam's way. "Language."

"If I'm old enough to vape, I'm old enough to cuss."

"Yeah, Tony. Let the kid swear," Rhodey butted in. "It's his birthday, after all."

Tony mimed being shot through the heart. "Tag-teamed by my child and the love of my life."

"Make that loves," Pepper called as she strode in, heels clicking. "If you can say 'Mother-fuck of a shit,' he can flip someone off."

"I've been betrayed," he fake-sobbed.

Pepper just kissed his cheek and passed Theo a knife. He went to work cutting the cake.

"Oh, my God, is this-"

Tony grinned at the blue, pink, and white marble.

"It is. Thank you, oh my God-"

"You're welcome." Steve waved the ginger on. "Go on. I'm hungry."

"You and Spider-Kid are always hungry, Cap."

It didn't take long for the cake to vanish. While everyone else finished up, Rhodey whispered to Theo, "Have you ever been to Coney Island?"

"No?"

"You're going to love it there."

A few hours and several terrified amusement park rides later, Theo carried Chris back to his new navy-blue pickup truck, the Avengers in tow. "So, not many of you have ridden in the bed of a truck, huh?"

"Isn't that dangerous?" Steve asked, glancing at the F-150. "Will we even all fit?"

Theo rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to yeet down the interstate with y'all in the bed. Tony's going to take us to the compound, and then y'all're gonna hop in the back, and we'll take a nice ride and stargaze when we find a good spot."

"This sounds dangerous."

"It's one of the least dangerous things any of you have ever done." He fumbled with the key fob and unlocked the door. "Who's riding with me?"

After they got out of the city, most of the roads were relatively empty. By the time they reached the Compound, there was no traffic at all.

"Are you ready?" The birthday boy called.

"Yeah!" most of the group yelled.

The truck ride wasn't as bad as Steve assumed it would be. The bumps in the road barely shook anyone, and Theo stuck to about 25 mph. None of the group had ever seen the nearby land like this; most of them either drove or flew. It was beautiful.

"Faster!" Clint yelled.

They sped up to about 35. The bumps were a bit more noticeable, but judging from the delighted shouts of the group, everyone seemed to enjoy it. When they finally rolled to a stop in a forest clearing, everyone hopped out, enjoying the brief respite their stiff joints got.

"This looks like a good spot," Theo muttered, dropping the tailgate and throwing down a blanket. Everyone else followed suit, the Starks and their dates hogging the truck while the others fought for the comfiest-looking grass. 

Tony was content watching everyone else. The stars weren't exactly his best friends. Peter, Ned, and MJ hopped up on top of the cab and pointed out different constellations. Harley took up the innermost part of the truck bed. Natasha, Clint, and Bruce rolled on their sides, watching a deer in the woods. Chris snuggled closer to Theo as they watched the sky, inventing their own constellations. Wanda and Vision sat side-by-side, Wanda pointing out different things and Vision offering what he knew of the star or formation. Thor and Loki rested closer to the nearby river. Sam and Steve sat next to each other, marvelling at the sights. Pepper and Rhodey threw their arms around Tony, grounding him. It was too easy to float away, and the last thing he needed was to ruin Theo's fun with a panic attack.

_ Thank you, _ he thought to his partners. He knew he'd never admit how much he needed everyone around him, but that didn't make them any less important. Despite everything, this felt right.

He hesitated when Theo called them all back to the truck. Tony didn't like the stars, but he certainly loved the moment.

* * *

 

Peter got valedictorian. Of course he did. None of the super-fam (Harley's words, not Tony's) had any doubt of that.

What they didn't expect was for the three boys to convince Principal Morita to save a seat for all twelve of the Avengers & Co. They didn't expect Tony to let his guard down and shed exactly one tear for the happy moment. They certainly didn't expect to watch Peter take the stand, only to toss the notecards he spent days drafting aside.

"I had something prepared," he'd announced, showing the cards, "but it doesn't feel right." He tossed the cards vaguely in the direction of the garbage can. "I'm supposed to make a speech about my greatest inspirations, who I'm thankful for, and all that jazz, but it doesn't feel right. Not without May here."

The crowd held its breath, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm eternally grateful for everything she did for me, and I wish she could be here to see this moment. Well… She can't. Believe me, I've tried." He laughed softly, and the crowd echoed it. "But some people can. I'd like to thank Mr. Stark for mentoring me when I'd barely started high school and adopting me when May… When May was killed. I'd like to thank Harley and Theo for being some of the best brothers I could ask for. I'd like to thank Colonel Rhodes and Miss Potts for being amazing when they were thrown into co-parenting us. And I'd like to thank the rest of the Avengers for keeping us happy."

Loki raised her hand. At least, Tony hoped she was a her right now. She was a her when they'd left, but she didn't always stick with one the entire day.

"Yes, Loki. That includes you."

The audience laughed genuinely that time.

"Thank you all for being like a big family who may have tried to murder each other a couple times but love each other anyway." He grinned as the audience applauded the now-blushing super-fam.

When the applause died down, he leaned back into the microphone. "Also, I have an announcement. Er, statement? Since I have nothing to lose anymore, I might as well tell you guys. The kidnappings happening about six months ago specifically targeted relatives and loved ones of enhanced individuals. My aunt was killed while I, Iron Man, and Chronos attempted to free her and the other kidnapped individuals." He waited for the news to sink in. Once a decent amount of people's faces changed from confusion to surprise, he continued, "I am Spider-Man."

The group paused before applauding more intensely than before. Peter bowed and webbed off the ceiling to his proper position in the graduating class.

As they left the ceremony for an after-party hosted at the Avengers Tower (where else would they easily entertain hundreds of people?), Tony patted Peter on the back. "I'm proud of you, Spider-Kid."

"I graduated now. You can't call me Spider-Kid anymore."

"Theo's  _ actually _ an adult, and I still call him kid, Underoos."

The spiderling groaned, but smiled. "Please tell me you opened up the gym. People are going to want me to show off, and FRIDAY keeps trying to knock me off the walls anywhere else."

"Anything for you, valedictorian." Tony ran a hand through the younger's hair.

Sure enough, dozens of people huddled around Peter the moment he entered the building.

"Do your webs really come out of your wrists?"  _ (No, I make webshooters and keep refilling them with what I call web fluid.) _

"Where did you get your powers?"  _ (I was bitten by a radioactive spider.) _

"Is your suit sticky, or are you?"  _ (I am, unless I spill ice cream on myself.) _

"Are you sticky all over, or just your hands?"  _ (All over. See?) _

He indulged their questions and requests for stunts for about an hour before he finally asked FRIDAY to call anyone who wants a demonstration of Spider-Man's abilities to the gym.

Of course, when he got there, Harley and Theo were waiting by the parkour area. Of course they'd want to spar with him if he was showing off. Harley was only visible because of his jacket and lack of mask.

"Are they going to fight him?" Someone asked.

Theo grinned. "Is it time?"

"I should be asking you," Peter quipped, having nabbed his Spider-Man suit from the penthouse on his way down. "Are you suiting up?"

As if on cue, Theo's new-and-improved Chronos 0106 sprouted from his ring.

"Woah," someone whispered.

Peter rolled his eyes and webbed Chronos' arms together. The chronomancer tugged at the webs for a moment, showing the audience how strong the webs actually were before he whooshed out of the back of the suit and gave every front-row audience member a marker goatee before slamming into Spidey's side.

"Did you see  _ that? _ "

Something shoved both visible Starks away from each other.

"What the fuck?"

Chronos backed away, holding his hands out in front of him. The air pressure changed rapidly before a blast shook the room.

"What was  _ that? _ "

"Time bomb," Chronos responded, falling back into the suit as the quick-melt webs Spider-Man used for training dissolved. He froze for a moment before he stuck his arm out. The air rippled momentarily before Harley's face appeared. "Helped me take out this guy."

"No fair. I don't have webs like Peter."

"You had time on your side. You should use it more often."

Harley stepped into the audience, slipping his mask back on and preparing to step in if things got too heated.

Sadly, sheer speed wasn't enough to take down skill and experience. Chronos did vigilante work in Wisconsin, but that development seemed a bit newer (or less intensive) than Peter's vigilantism, and with his training and super-strength, he was finally able to pin down his brother.

"I yield," Theo muttered, suit un-forming.

Peter detracted his suit, toyed with the watch he kept it stored in, and debated tossing it into the crowd in victory. He decided against it and simply yelled, "Spider-Man!"

"Spider-Man!" the rest of the group echoed.

Tony took up the cheers with the students crowded in his gym. This suit was almost entirely Peter's doing. While the basic design was faithful to Tony's previous incarnations, Peter had modified Karen and programmed the nanotech himself. After a bit of coaxing, he'd also made the suit slightly more bullet-proof than before. Bullets now felt like a paintball, if he made everything right.

Tony was proud of Peter, no matter what anyone else thought.

* * *

 

> iron dad: Harleyyyyyy
> 
> harley: tonyyyyyy
> 
> iron dad: Guess whatttttt
> 
> harley: whatttttt
> 
> iron dad: Its ya birtday
> 
> harley: oh my god, that phrase did not just come out of your phone
> 
> harley: ...are you drunk?
> 
> iron dad: THEO DIDNT TELL ME THEY HAD WEED IN THEM
> 
> harley: sdjhfkjdh please tell me you didn't eat his brownies
> 
> iron dad: Dont do weed im actually having college flashbacks and this is not okay
> 
> blue iron dad: tony please tell me youre still at home
> 
> iron dad: Duh im high not stupid
> 
> blue iron dad: FRIDAY SAYS YOU LEFT WHERE DID YOU GO
> 
> redneck gay: JKDHSLFJKSD D A D N O
> 
> redneck gay: hes with me dw only the highest quality chips for my favorite billionaire dad
> 
> blue iron dad: :'(
> 
> redneck gay: youre my favorite blue dad
> 
> blue iron dad: :D
> 
> iron dad: Its harleys birthday are we all just ignoring this fact
> 
> harley: tony, please eat your chips
> 
> redneck gay: harley i got you something and by got i mean i made it and was too lazy to move it to your room so now you have a scavenger hunt ask fri for the clues
> 
> harley: why does that sound exactly like something you would do?
> 
> iron dad: Babe our boys are growing up
> 
> blue iron dad: theo please label your weed
> 
> blue iron dad: wait why am i encouraging this THEO DO NOT DO WEED
> 
> redneck gay: IS THAT A POLICE? IM CALLING THE WEED!
> 
> sbider: pls im working and my phone wont stop vibrating
> 
> redneck gay: silent mode :b:oi
> 
> sbider: //sw e ats IM WAITING FOR A CALL FROM MIT
> 
> redneck gay: lame i got accepted to my college like a year ago
> 
> sbider: SORRY NOT ALL OF US KNOW WHERE WERE GOING FROM OUR GPA THAT DIDNT ACTUALLY MEAN ANYTHING SINCE YOURE SOMEHOW A GENIUS
> 
> redneck gay: hey it was above 2.0 it was better than i thought it would be
> 
> sbider: @iron dad are you like coherent and high or not coherent and still high
> 
> iron dad: Probably about 70% coherent i only got a little high
> 
> sbider: tell me when youre about 90% i need precise help and while im fully aware you do this shit completely wasted i dont want to blow up the lab again
> 
> iron dad: Theo im glad you arent doing acid and meth and shit like that but please
> 
> redneck gay: TBF THEY ARENT EVEN MINE LMAO SOMEONE DITCHED THEIR STASH IN IVIC AND I JUST ROLLED WITH IT
> 
> iron dad: ...Who do you know who would have access to ivic
> 
> harley: she was mad
> 
> iron dad: What did you do to piss her off
> 
> sbider: he took fiso for a week because someone slashed ivics tires and nobody wanted to deal with The Stark Name so he took her to a cheap auto body and paid cash and prayed nobody noticed him so it took like a week
> 
> sbider: harley had to go with him because he got his license confiscated buying a vape again
> 
> redneck gay: i want to do exactly one (1) vape in my life and if they dont believe im old enough they can go commit cease life
> 
> redneck gay: it was mango okay
> 
> blue iron dad: please save yourself you already have the alcoholism
> 
> redneck gay: that actually raises a question
> 
> redneck gay: if im actually biologically kind of tonys and sean isnt my dad by birth where the fuck did i get my hangover immunity
> 
> redneck gay: not from tony i can tell you that
> 
> iron dad: What if its your time powers
> 
> iron dad: You have a ridiculously high pain tolerance too right
> 
> redneck gay: not really? it just kinda yeets by
> 
> iron dad: Maybe your time powers are like fuck that shit and speed your hangover away
> 
> redneck gay: or maybe i just stay fucking hydrated when i drink because im not a damn idiot
> 
> harley: or maybe you don't actually drink and just think you do
> 
> harley: i mean once i replaced your vodka with water and you didn't notice
> 
> redneck gay: i totally did notice did you not see me glaring at you as i downed the entire bottle
> 
> harley: ...true
> 
> iron dad: Who the fuck knows
> 
> iron dad: Mystery is solved the moment blue isnt an alcoholic so does it fucking matter
> 
> iron dad: I want chips where did you put them
> 
> redneck gay: idfk ask fri
> 
> iron dad: YOU BOUGHT THEM HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW
> 
> redneck gay: I BOUGHT THEM AND YOU TOOK THEM
> 
> redneck gay: that raises the question of WHO ATE THE ENTIRE INITIAL STASH I KNOW WE HAD SOME HERE *side-eyes peter*
> 
> sbider: oh shit gotta yeet
> 
> iron dad: Please tell me i dont have to chase another kid around the country
> 
> sbider: nah just around queens im actually boutta patrol
> 
> harley: did y'all just pick up each other's lingo after you started living together? i swear peter wouldn't have said "boutta" when we first met
> 
> sbider: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARLEY YOU HAVE A FAN
> 
> harley: WHAT
> 
> harley: oh my god, i thought you meant like a fan as in
> 
> harley: not like
> 
> harley: ha, ha
> 
> blue iron dad: @mama bear please pick up some chips on the way home
> 
> blue iron dad: specifically sour cream and onion
> 
> blue iron dad: this is why we dont give tony weed
> 
> iron dad: I love you rhodey
> 
> blue iron dad: i love you too tones but please stop yelling at friday youre actually kind of scary
> 
> * * *
> 
>  iron dad: Am no longer high
> 
> blue iron dad: youre definitely still high
> 
> mama bear: Go back to bed, honey.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  iron dad: Happy birthday harley
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> harley: THEO

* * *

Theo poked his head in Harley's bedroom. "You like it?"

"How?" He tapped the pendant, which glowed briefly before encasing him in retro-reflective nanotech.

"Lots of crying." The ginger grinned as he tried to keep track of his brother. "It's not perfect, but if I didn't know you were here, I wouldn't notice you. Good enough for a basic stealth mode."

The blonde reappeared, pendant fading from glowing blue to silver. "Does this mean I'm a superhero now?"

"You could've been before. Nothing was stopping you except yourself."

"Can I go out with you and Peter?"

"Not without training in hand-to-hand combat." At his sad stare, Theo clarified, "Tony's rules, not mine. I had to be able to land a hit on Aunt Widow without my abilities before he'd let me go out without Peter, and according to him, Dad was just as much as a hover-parent."

Harley chuckled, enabling his suit again. "This is so much better than the one you gave me after graduation."

"In my defense, I whipped that up in about ten minutes."

Tony knocked and peeked in the door. Both kids searched for any sign of lingering marijuana, and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm good now. Cleared by Dr. Banner himself." He entered, hiding one hand behind his back. "I know you didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but I had to do something for you."

"It's fine. I already have everything I want."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that and give this to you anyway." He handed a hastily-wrapped box to the mimic and watched as his eyes lit up.

"Woah." He pulled out four snowglobes. The first one was of his house in Rose Hill, Tennessee. Inside, Harley strode toward the garage, potato gun in hand. The second was of the entire town. A third contained a sculpture of Harley and Mrs. Keener, replicated from a photo he'd sent Tony not long after he left the town.

_ hey tony, my mom's been doing better. she still drinks a lot, but she's around more and more these days. did you have anything to do with that? _

The final snowglobe was of their Avengers family, all in costume. Harley's figure was transparent with a slight tint to it, as if his invisibility suit hadn't completely kicked in yet.

"Thank you," the boy whispered.

Tony just smiled.

By the next day, Peter had told every member of the super-fam about Harley's' birthday, and all of them insisted upon taking him around to see the sights.

"You're standing on a historical landmark, kid," Tony joked. "Spider-Man tried to stop a weapons deal on this very ferry. The dealers ended up cutting this thing in half."

Peter pointedly looked everywhere but at the group.

"Good thing Spidey was there to hold things together until I showed up."

He wasn't expecting that, but he'd take it.

As the sun set and the group prepared to head home, Harley snatched Fiso's keys from Theo's hand. "Uh-uh, bro. This time, I pick the stargazing spot."

Theo shrugged and hopped in the crowded back seat. In his defense, he had nowhere else to store his equipment.

As it turned out, they never got around to stargazing. Not long before they'd exit the freeway, Fiso sputtered out. Unluckily, this meant a truck with powered steering was rolling 80 miles per hour down a freeway. At least the brakes worked. Ish. Certainly not fast enough.

Moments before they rolled off the road, Fiso roared to life once again. Harley yanked the wheel, shouting, "Not today, bitches!" and flipping the bird at the sky.

Peter climbed back in the passenger window. "Please tell me that's not going to happen again."

Harley grinned. "Is that a challenge?"

The spiderling didn't bother with the window this time, opting instead to "yeet himself out" (or so Tony was told) and "Spider-Man it" onto a nearby car.

As the ginger climbed into the passenger seat, Harley turned to him. "For real, though? I don't ever want to do that again. I don't even know if I  _ could _ . I had to rewind it all the way back to March to even get a little gas."

Theo grinned.

"Please tell me you actually put gas in Fiso and don't just time-fuck the gas tank."

"I absolutely time-fuck the gas tank. Do I look like I carry cash?"

"Didn't you pay cash to fix Ivic?"

"That wasn't my cash."

" _ What? _ "

"Relax. It was Sean's."

"And that makes it better?"

"Yeah?"

"Wh- I- How- Do I even want to know?" Harley sputtered.

"Not really."

Harley pulled off the freeway and into a nearby gas station. "At least I carry a credit card."

"I hate credit cards. They always fuck up."

"That's because you keep time-fucking them and electronic scanners don't like your time-fuckery."

"When did we even start calling it time-fucking?"

"When I banned Undertale references in my presence."

"Oh, so it's  _ that _ timeline."

"...Fucking hell, Theo, that  _ still _ fucks with my head, and I can fucking  _ do _ it."

"You're Stark's kids, right?," a woman on the other side of the pump asked them.

"Nope," the pair chirped back.

"Of course they aren't," a man called from the backseat of the car.

Time slowed down. Honestly, Harley wasn't fully sure how he knew initially; however, a glance around proved his hunch. The woman's hand inched toward her hair, and the gas meter barely rose with each percieved second. The music usually playing in the lot warped hauntingly, giving the entire area a feeling of doom.

Or maybe he was just picking up on the panic radiating off of Theo.

"You okay?"

"That's…" He didn't have to finish for Harley to get the hint.

"Too bad for him," the younger snarled, preparing to use the weird slow-time-high-velocity-thing to smash Sean's head in.

"Don't do anything, okay?" Theo warned. "He can sort of manipulate electricity. Like, he drains batteries and shorts out circuits and stuff, so I think he's not fully in control, but he can definitely do it."

"Yeah, sure. I'm just going to leave my brother to the mercy of a dude who wants to kill him." Harley felt around for electrical current. Sure enough, he could feel a slow drain on his ring and phone battery. "What if I can use it?"

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

Three things happened a moment later:

  1. Time slipped back to normal.
  2. Sean got out of the car.
  3. Harley channeled the current from the outdoor sound system directly into his fist and clocked Sean as hard as he could in the face.



The man spit blood on Harley's shoes.

_ Ew, _ he thought.

Sean grinned and coughed, launching more blood the birthday boy's way. "You're just like her, you know. I admire that, in a way. I used to think her boldness was her best trait."

Harley threw another electric punch into the older man's ribs, causing him to cough up even more blood. Or maybe that was still from his face.

"But turns out she's just cocky," he wheezed. Harley half-hoped he'd punctured a lung. "You stupid girls don't know when to quit."

This time, he didn't get to hit the man. Theo slammed his former guardian into the tar and pulled out a couple knives. "Never disrespect  _ my family _ like that  _ ever _ again."

The gas pump clicked. Harley gratefully occupied himself re-capping Fiso's gas tank.

When they got back to the Compound, Tony glanced at them and immediately called Dr. Banner.

"Relax," Theo whispered. "It's not my blood."

* * *

 

> iron dad: So is anyone going to tell me what happened
> 
> harley: theo?
> 
> redneck gay: so you might suddenly notice a large sum of money taken from your debit card from a gas station atm
> 
> redneck gay: that was me and not some random person
> 
> iron dad: Like how much are we talking
> 
> redneck gay: uhh like $50k?? i think?? idk what the fees and stuff were
> 
> iron dad: Pocket change kiddo
> 
> iron dad: But why
> 
> redneck gay: bribery
> 
> iron dad: Harley
> 
> harley: i didn't see anything, tony
> 
> iron dad: Harley
> 
> harley: cross my heart
> 
> blue iron dad: why would you need to bribe someone
> 
> redneck gay: why wouldnt i need to bribe someone
> 
> sbider: DO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT GOES ON WHEN IM NOT AROUND
> 
> redneck gay: oh trust me you wouldve lost your lunch if you saw
> 
> iron dad: Isnt it lost your shit
> 
> redneck gay: not when a certain spider gets queasy at the sight of blood
> 
> sbider: i dont though
> 
> redneck gay: "could we tone down the brutality just a little" - spider-man 2k18
> 
> sbider: you brutally murdered like 30 people
> 
> sbider: WHO THE FUCK DID YOU MURDER THEO
> 
> redneck gay: sean
> 
> iron dad: WHAT
> 
> blue iron dad: W H A T
> 
> sbider: HOLY SHIT WHA TTEH FUCK
> 
> harley: i'm serious, i didn't see anything
> 
> iron dad: DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUVE DONE
> 
> redneck gay: it was self-defense
> 
> redneck gay: actually harley-defense
> 
> redneck gay: stark-in-general-defense
> 
> redneck gay: sean is a pussy ass bitch who dont know when to stay the fuck in his lane
> 
> harley: in theo's defense, sean actually started it
> 
> iron dad: I thought we were past this??
> 
> blue iron dad: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "PAST THIS" ARE YOU TELLING ME HE'S KILLED BEFORE
> 
> iron dad: ARE YOU NOT AWARE OUR SON IS CHRONOS HE MURDERED NO LESS THAN 50 PEOPLE IN 24 HOURS THE NIGHT OF THE BANCROFT MASSACRE
> 
> blue iron dad: you know what
> 
> blue iron dad: im goign to go lie down and pretend this never happened
> 
> blue iron dad: by the time i wake up i expect sean to be alive
> 
> blue iron dad: you may, however, beat him within an inch of his life since hes technically violating the restraining order and army dad says so
> 
> iron dad: Why are you encouraging this rhodey we need him to be better
> 
> iron dad: Never leave witnesses
> 
> redneck gay: god you say that like i left him dead holy shit ksdh;fhsdljkfh
> 
> iron dad: ...What
> 
> redneck gay: i absolutely did kill him and i think the only reason nobody told was because i threatened to kill them 1000 times if they didnt accept my bribe and they absolutely knew i could
> 
> sbider: so you can raise the dead
> 
> redneck gay: only if the nerves are still firing
> 
> harely: can we stop now? the fact that sean is still alive is making me nauseous
> 
> harley: @iron dad if theo hadn't killed him, i would've. and i wouldn't've brought him back.
> 
> iron dad: Sdjfhsdklhf fine youre forgiven

* * *

When Tony opened the door to let Peter in after a nightmare, he was surprised to find Harley behind the door.

"I had a sister," he began.

"You gave me her watch." Tony led the kid inside and tried to make him comfortable.

"Yeah." He fiddled with the necklace he'd received the day before. "I told you I had a sister then. It wasn't exactly true. She'd died a few months ago… right after my birthday."

Tony raised an eyebrow, but didn't question it too much. He wasn't surprised, considering the supposed sister never showed up, even on the rare occasion Tony'd made it into the house.

"I didn't want to tell you, considering you already knew about my dad, and we know how  _ that _ worked out. I didn't want to be a total pity-case, even if I wanted to run off with Iron Man and  _ absolutely _ tried to guilt-trip you into taking me with you."

"That's called kidnapping, kiddo."

"It's called running away with a dead man, Tony. Anyway, yeah. Today's the… uh… fifth anniversary of her death. She'd be 11." He laughed mirthlessly. "I'm sorry, just… nobody knows now. Not anymore, anyway. Please don't tell them."

The father smiled. "I won't, Harley."

"He remembers my name! Oh, shit! Gotta yeet!"

His smile faltered as he realized how often his kids deflected with humor. He needed to break that habit with all of them. Of all the things to learn… Well, that could wait for another day. He pulled Harley close and whispered, "Need some company?"

"Yeah," the younger whispered back.

Tony slid over, patting the large, open space nearby. Harley helped himself.

"This is why everyone thinks Tony Stark fucks his children."

"Nobody thinks that anymore, Potato Gun."

"Nobody  _ admits _ they think that anymore."

Tony bopped him with a pillow and muttered, "Go to bed, kid."

* * *

 

Did Tony even know his birthday?

Spider-Man sat on the edge of a building, pulling out the leftovers from the lunch Theo'd made.

_ "I'm not a very good cook, but…" He led Peter to the kitchen. "I hope you like Asian food." _

_ He gaped at the sheer amount of food around. The only dish he recognized was the plate full of spring rolls. The oven was still running, but he didn't know what else could possibly be cooking. "I love you," he muttered. _

_ Theo froze. "I- Uh… If something's bad, tell me." He left Peter with the stacks of food. _

_ Despite his enhanced metabolism, he wondered how he would be able to even sample all of the dishes. _

Nobody paid attention to him anymore. Spider-Man turned out to be just another kid, and now, nobody cared. Sure, they were thankful when he helped them, but nobody looked up in awe, wondering  _ Who is he? _

Peter'd never done it for the fame, but he felt lonely now. He once had an entire city on his side, but now, he had nobody.

His father didn't even remember his birthday.

While Peter stacked the now-empty Tupperware dishes, thrusters powered down next to him.

"Hey, Spider-Man," Iron Man said, "heard it was a special day."

"Not really," the no-longer-spiderling muttered.

"Really? Because the last time Theo made pancit was Harley's birthday. Said it was tradition."

"Maybe he just wanted to have someone who could actually eat it all critique his cooking."

"Peter, I didn't forget." Tony retracted Mark LII back to the arc reactor and helped himself to the empty ledge nearby. "Your birthday is just… different."

"How?" Peter asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Harley and Theo don't expect me to act like a parent. They've basically taken care of themselves up until now, and they're ready to leave the moment things go downhill. You? You've stuck with me through thick and thin. You're my kid. Yeah, they're my kids, too, but you're the one who opened me up to that." The mechanic grinned and continued, "So, your birthday."

"My birthday."

"Two weeks before you start at MIT."

"Yeah?"

"And you honestly think the rooms come stocked with a mini-fridge?"

Peter hesitated. "You didn't."

"I absolutely did furnish your room. Your roommate's already there."

"Who are they?" he asked warily.

"A kid from a direct competitor, but hey, that's-"

"Please tell me I'm not boarding with an Osborn."

"Actually, Harry seems kind of nice. Shame his dad's an asshole." Tony laughed at Peter's terrified expression. "You'll be fine, kid. Nobody's going to judge you."

"I'm rooming with a rich kid. Oh, my God, what if-"

"Peter,  _ you're _ a rich kid now."

"Rich kids are assholes. What if he thinks  _ I'm _ an asshole?"

"Peter."

The younger brunette glanced up awkwardly, a piece of cabbage stuck just above his lip.

"Nobody thinks you're an asshole. Now, for your second gift-"

"What do you mean,  _ second? _ "

"For your second gift," the billionaire restated, "don't think FRIDAY hasn't tattled about you kids wanting to start a scholarship."

"That was private."

"She thought it was a good idea, too, and I definitely have the money, so… Congratulations! We have 2,000 scholarships available each year for impoverished students going into STEM fields. Acceptance is based on a combination of academics, economic need, and effort."

"Effort?"

"If a straight-A student sends in a crappy essay, they're lower on our priority list than someone in the same economic situation with a C-average who clearly put all they had in their essay." Tony fiddled with the arc reactor. "Sound good?"

Peter grinned. "Thank you, Mr. Stark."

"No problem, kid."

"I'm an adult now."

"So you are, adult."

"Never mind, I like 'kid' better."

"Too late, Spider-Man." Tony reactivated his suit. "Want a ride home?"

"May always told me not to take rides from strangers."

"Ha, ha. Get on the suit."

Peter'd almost forgotten how much fun it was to fly.

* * *

The Avengers managed to deck out the common rooms of the tower in red and blue and cover every corner with those fake spider-webs people got from the dollar store around Halloween by the time the pair got home. Theo and Steve put the finishing touches on a four-layer Spider-Man-themed cake. As if that wasn't enough, gifts littered the entire area.

Peter cried. Big, happy, messy tears streamed down his face as he sobbed and hugged every single person in the room. His nearly indecipherable "thank you"s brought a grin to everyone's face.

"Cake first," Theo insisted. "I didn't spend hours with the Fourth of July for nothing."

After the lunch he'd had, Peter didn't know how he'd finish even a small slice of cake, but he pulled it off. He wasn't expecting the layers to literally have red and blue berries sprinkled amongst the vanilla flavoring, but it was perfect.

The presents were all unnecessary or expensive (or both), but most of the Avengers didn't care. After all, how many opportunities would they get to spoil their youngest member?

" _ What?! _ " Peter squeaked, looking at Tony.

"Well, if you don't want to, we can always-"

"No! I absolutely want to! This is amazing, I-" The newest member of the Avengers threw his arms around his father. "Thank you."

He returned the hug. "No problem, Underoos."

Peter hugged everyone once again as he gingerly unwrapped every gift. Bruce got him books on different scientific fields, Natasha got him a book of stamps ("Physical letters are easier to read," she'd muttered at everyone's shock), and Steve managed to get him some vibranium from "calling in a favor." After unwrapping a case of Star Wars-themed Legos from Wanda and Vision (how did they manage to get their hands on  _ multiple limited editions _ from  _ four years ago _ ?), Peter excused himself to go to the bathroom.

"Is he okay?" Vision asked after about ten minutes went by.

"He's probably crying," Clint joked.

"He's going to be here in, like, 10 seconds," Theo snapped. "Hold your horses."

"Okay, Mr. I-Know-Exactly-When-Everything-Happens."

"...You're absolutely right, but I'm obligated to fight you on principle."

"No fighting!" Peter screeched as he ran in, eyes still red and puffy. "I'm sorry I took so long."

"We weren't… actually going to fight, kid. Sorry about that." Clint shoved a present his way. "How about this one!"

As it turns out, the present wasn't only from Clint. He grinned as Peter marveled at the drawings.

"Lila loves Spider-Man." Clint grinned harder as Peter began to cry again.

"Thank you all so much," he forced out between sobs.

"No problem, kiddo."

Peter could tell who drew which, for the most part. Lila and Cooper scrawled their names in the corners, both having the telltale style of young children. Laura made a few as well, though she left hers unsigned. Clint made exactly one, and it was clear he'd had help from Steve. On the back, he scrawled:

> _ Hey, Spider-Kid, _
> 
> _ Or, I guess I can't call you that anymore? Ah, fuck it. You'll always be the Spider-Kid to us. _
> 
> _ So, it's your birthday! And you're heading off to college soon! Dammit, kid, we're going to miss you. You better come back for holidays and breaks. Maybe MIT needs a Spider-Man, but we need you more. _
> 
> _ College! What a wonderful time of your life! You slave through four more years of school, and this time, you have to PAY for it! ...I actually have no idea how college works, other than what Stark's told me. It sounds like a lot of partying. So… Maybe don't follow his example on that? Just a thought. (Ugh, who am I kidding? Party hard and work harder, kid.) _
> 
> _ Laura's yelling at me to stop defacing the children's drawings, so… Happy birthday, good luck in college, break a leg… but please don't actually break a leg. _
> 
> _ -Hawkeye _

Peter gratefully accepted the four boxes of tissues Sam got him for his birthday.

* * *

"BYE!" Theo yelled as he tossed his first box in Ivic's trunk.

"BYE!" Harley yelled back, lugging his stuff on the plane.

"BYE!" Peter yelled from Fiso's overstuffed bed.

"Why are you taking your vodka stash?" Tony asked as he handed Theo his second (and last) box.

"Because nobody believes my real. How am I supposed to get a fake?" He got beaned on the back of the head with a bag of plastic spoons. "BYE!"

They continued shouting "BYE!" at each other until they finished packing and drove/flew out of earshot.

> redneck gay: BYE
> 
> harley: BYE
> 
> sbider: BYE
> 
> blue iron dad: BYE
> 
> harley: BYE
> 
> sbider: nTE
> 
> sbider: god dammit i miss you guys already
> 
> redneck gay: bye…
> 
> harley: WHY ARE YOU TWO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING? PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD
> 
> harley: BYE
> 
> redneck gay: im in a traffic jam
> 
> harley: oh
> 
> redneck gay: wait im not the stoplights are JUST THAT FUCKIGN CROWDED THE FUCK
> 
> redneck gay: ok BYE
> 
> harley: sfljdkjf BYE
> 
> sbider: YOU KEYSMAHSED
> 
> harley: WATCH THE ROAD
> 
> sbider: HAPPYS DRIVING
> 
> harley: GO AWAY SO I CAN WALLOW IN PEACE
> 
> harley: wait, if happy's with you, who's flying the plane?
> 
> iron dad: Let me fly the plane without my phone buzzing every second PLEASE
> 
> harley: I'M SORRY DAD! I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH PETER
> 
> iron dad: Its okay friday basically flies this plane herself im mostly here for emergencies

* * *

Theo pulled into a gas station in a small town outside New York, fumbling for his phone.

"Aaron?" he whispered. "Rescan."

"Your physical health is deteriorating, likely due to the temporal nature of your abilities. You are aging to the time your body thinks it is supposed to be at from the inside out." The newly-created AI responded.

"What's wrong with my… Ugh!" Theo slammed the steering wheel in frustration. "My thinky thing."

"Your brain seems to have been the first to deteriorate. You show signs of Alzheimer's and occasionally seem to age regress, though that may be due to trauma."

"God fucking… How do I fix it?"

"You don't."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, asshat."

"I may be able to find you someone who can help. From access to the SHIELD database, I have found records of a large temporal anomaly somewhere in Hong Kong."

"Great! Why do I care?"

"The anomaly was caused by the Time Stone."

"And?"

"...It's an Infinity Stone."

"This means nothing to me."

"The person who currently possesses the Time Stone is a neurosurgeon."

"Now we're getting somewhere! What can they do?"

"Dr. Stephen Strange may be able to use the Time Stone to fix the temporal damage to your body, and if he cannot, he can at least take a stab at fixing the brain damage."

"Now we're getting somewhere! Put him on the line."

"He is… difficult… to contact."

"Then send him an email or something. Hire a psychic to contact him. I don't care."

"Searching for a local psychic…"

Theo hoisted himself out of the car like he was 50. Now that he was aware childhood arthritis didn't actually run in the family, he paid slightly more attention to it. Maybe it was psychosomatic. Maybe it didn't actually hurt… "What the fuck? I was joking."

"A psychic will likely be the easiest way to contact him."

As he stepped on the hot tar, he decided his legs absolutely  _ did _ hurt. "Doesn't he have an office phone? What is he, a wizard or something?"

"Yes," Aaron declared.

"I… You know what? Just get me in contact with him. Somehow."

The lady at the counter looked up and seemed to decide that a Stark yelling at an AI in his phone wasn't the weirdest thing she'd seen, quickly looking back down at her own phone.

"I'll send an email," the AI muttered as "Email sent to wizardryandsurgery@gmail.com" appeared on the screen.

"Please tell me that wasn't his personal email."

Aaron remained silent.

"Please tell me you didn't send it from  _ my _ personal email."

He laughed as Theo growled and grabbed a Gatorade and two Dr. Peppers from the drink fridge.

"That is private information."

"Sure, allstarknobite@gmail.com-"

"MUTE!" Theo shouted, catching the cashier's attention briefly before apologizing. He grabbed a bag of Gardetto's and some plain chips before he checked out and made back to his car.

"Can I speak again? Because-"

"No. Just play some good shit. We have a long drive ahead of us."

"The wizard has emailed back, wondering how you got his personal email and why you sent 'EMERGENCY BRAIN SURGEON WITH TEMPORAL ANOMALITIC EXPERIENCE NEEDED PRONTO'."

"I'll type out the email this time, Aaron. Just play me the good shit."

_ Dr. Strange, _

_ I apologize on behalf of my AI. He is a bit of a goofball. In all reality, though…  _

* * *

Peter finished carrying his bags and boxes to his room and flopped against the wall.

"You have… a lot of stuff," his roommate observed.

"You don't have to be nice," Peter muttered. "If you're gonna hate me, just say it."

"An enemy of my father is a friend of mine."

When he looked over, Harry was holding out a hand. "I'm Harry Osborn, but… I guess you know that, already. I'm not so good at this stuff, and'll probably need your help, so... "

Why'd he have to be  _ cute, _ dammit. It wasn't like Peter didn't have more than his fair share of datemates. "I'm Peter Parker. Or Stark. Whatever floats your boat."

Harry chuckled. "Peter Parker sounds cute."

Peter just blushed. "Thanks?"

"God, now I know what your dad meant. You're actually the most lovable person on the planet. I'd like to personally apologize for our inability to be as precious as you."

"I'm not-"

"You absolutely are. Now shut up and let me do you a favor so Mr. Stark doesn't kick me out of your minifridge."

Peter laughed. This year might be great after all.

"What's your favorite part of being an Avenger?"

"Karen." At the other's confused look, the spider continued, "She's my AI. Say hi, Karen."

"Hello, Mr. Osborn," she greeted through the glowing speakers around the room.

Harry jumped. "Did she hijack the sound system?"

"Play nice, Karen."

"Sorry," she muttered through his phone speaker instead. "How are you two today?"

"I'm pretty good. Harry?"

"Could be worse." He grabbed the phone off the bed and whispered, "How?"

"Mr. Stark made her for me. I've modified her since then, but I doubt I could code her from scratch."

Harry fiddled with the lock screen. "I was honestly expecting just another pampered rich boy for a roommate, but-"

Peter laughed again. "Oh, my God, really? None of my brothers have ever had…  _ this _ before. I was an orphan living with my aunt in relative poverty before she died. Harley was half-abandoned before his mom died and spent years basically fending for himself. Theo was… Well, you know the story, right? Fjeld case and all that. None of us are used to having anything, and now, we have everything. I'm certainly not used to that, and that was  _ with _ years of Mr. Stark half-mentoring, half-parenting me. I can't imagine how it is for Harley or Theo."

"I want to meet them," Harry announced.

"Just a second…" Peter took back his phone and opened his messages.

> _ sbider has added redneck gay, harley, and *yeets into the sun* to the group. _
> 
> _ sbider has named the group College Bois. _
> 
> sbider: SJDHFKLSDJH SO IT WASNT JUST US
> 
> *yeets into the sun*: just a second
> 
> ho: yeet
> 
> sbider: anyway add like. all of you guys
> 
> _ redneck gay has added christopher robin and lee like the jeans to the group. _
> 
> _ sbider has added gay in the chair and michael jackson to the group. _
> 
> sbider: i knew about chris but who's lee like the jeans
> 
> lee like the jeans: im just a roommate
> 
> harley: and they were roommates!
> 
> sbider: oh my god they were roommates
> 
> ho: so like is this the entire extended stark fam
> 
> sbider: oh you want EVERYONE
> 
> ho: NO I ACTUALLY JUST WANTED TO MEET HARLEY AND THEO BECAUSE IF YOURE SUCH A NICE BEAN THEY MUST BE TOO
> 
> _ sbider has added mama bear to the group. _
> 
> sbider: we need chaperoning
> 
> mama bear: You're all adults, now. No chaperoning necessary.
> 
> _ mama bear has left the group. _
> 
> sbider: SKJFKSDJH
> 
> ho: miss mother i am afraid i am not an adult for another few days
> 
> ho: oh damn
> 
> ho: any other moms or dads to add
> 
> _ sbider has added iron dad, blue iron dad, and science uncle to the group. _
> 
> _ sbider has restricted iron dad, blue iron dad, and science uncle. _
> 
> science uncle: why, peter
> 
> science uncle: please free me
> 
> sbider: harry is a minor we need a chaperone
> 
> iron dad: Youre in college now stay in school and dont do drugs
> 
> blue iron dad: if you have to do a drug please stick with weed
> 
> sbider: im good
> 
> _ sbider has unrestricted iron dad, blue iron dad, and science uncle. _
> 
> sbider: WHAT THE FUCK I DIDNT
> 
> _ iron dad has left the chat. _
> 
> sbider: ...:(
> 
> science uncle: actually? i might stay
> 
> blue iron dad: these kids are more entertaining than the government
> 
> science uncle: theyre more entertaining than thor so
> 
> micheal jackson: Why am I here?
> 
> ho: oh my god youre that girl with the blog who single-handedly took down mainstream media
> 
> micheal jackson: Damn right I am.
> 
> gay in the chair: uhh so since nobdoy is going to introduce each other im going to pull a theo and yeet you guys out tehre
> 
> redneck gay: no ned
> 
> gay in the chair: peter is sbider but you already knew that, micheal jackson is mj/michelle, im ned, harley is harley, iron dad was mr. stark, mama bear was miss potts, blue iron dad is colonel rhodes/iron patriot/war machine if you're old, science uncle is dr. banner/the hulk except i dont think he texts as the hulk, redneck gay is theo, christopher robin is his datemate chris, lee like the jeans is their roommate i guess idk
> 
> redneck gay: lee is like… lee
> 
> redneck gay: just lee
> 
> lee like the jeans: i am just lee nobody special
> 
> lee like the jeans: actually im half theos and chris' caretaker and half their roommate since theo feels bad about not being able to constantly care for chris and runs himself into the ground doing his best
> 
> redneck gay: dont call me out like this
> 
> ho: wasnt theo already #exbosed for being a pure bean
> 
> redneck gay: no
> 
> redneck gay: i have to go see you
> 
> _ redneck gay has left the group. _
> 
> ho: aw
> 
> gay in the chair: i can get you his number
> 
> ho: NO IM GOOD THANKS ONE STARK IS ENOUGH I DONT THINK I CAN HANDLE MULTIPLE PURE BEANS
> 
> _ christopher robin has left the chat. _
> 
> _ harley has left the chat. _
> 
> _ micheal jackson has left the chat. _
> 
> sbider: whos all left
> 
> gay in the chair: yeet
> 
> blue iron dad: no longer entertaining goodbye
> 
> _ blue iron dad has left the chat. _
> 
> _ science uncle has left the chat. _
> 
> _ lee like the jeans has left the chat. _
> 
> ho: im here
> 
> gay in the chair: wait you guys have an ironfam chat? when do you add mj and i
> 
> sbider: when we get married
> 
> gay in the chair: oof ok well this chat is dead so like.. delete?
> 
> sbider: harry
> 
> ho: yeah just delete it
> 
> _ sbider has deleted College Bois. _

* * *

 

Harley sat by his mother's grave a moment. They'd managed to send her body from Wisconsin to Tennessee, but he hadn't overseen her burial. There wasn't even a funeral, someone'd said. Her only family ended up in New York, and nobody else in town cared about the drunk woman. They just dumped her body in the ground.

He regretted every moment he wasn't there for her.

"Hey, Mom," he started. "It's been a while, huh?"

His phone vibrated several times, but he ignored it.

"I'm doing good. I think you'd be proud of me. You always liked my work. Well, I'm going into security now. Like… alarms and stuff. Cameras. Hell, I've even drafted a few defensive units for the military. I like weapons, but… For Tony's sake, I won't."

The breeze kicked up a bit, as if she was chuckling from... wherever.

"I know you weren't around very much, but I miss you. I'm sorry I wasn't a better kid."

He pushed himself away from the grave and moved on to his sister's. "Hey, sis. It's been even longer for you. I'm sorry I gave your watch away. He offered to pay for it when it got broke, but I denied." He looked down. "Was I wrong? I'm sorry."

The breeze died down again.

"I miss you."

Harley left quickly, peeking at his phone. Ugh, Peter added him to  _ another _ group chat? He left and continued back home. The car sat right as he left it a little under a year ago.

On the way to Nashville, he got a message from Tony.

> iron dad: Hey kid
> 
> iron dad: All my other kids have ais now
> 
> iron dad: You should too
> 
> iron dad: prototype_827.exe
> 
> iron dad: They'll self-install wherever you tell them to and you can modify them with custom settings and stuff
> 
> harley: thanks. i'm on my way to the university now
> 
> iron dad: EyEs On ThE rOaD hArLeY
> 
> harley: dfdsdfs ok. thank you though
> 
> iron dad: No problem

He entered the apartment and grinned. Tony really had gone all-out. While he planned on living alone, Tony decked out both bedrooms and the living room with full furnishings. The fridge came pre-stocked with a few of his favorite foods. Best of all, a speaker system poked out of the ceiling.

"James, install in here."

"Installing…" Prototype 827 droned from the phone. "Installed," he announced from the ceiling.

"Great. Play me something good for unpacking."

James quickly put on one of Harley's favorite playlists, and the youngster hummed along.

This would be a good year. He couldn't fix the mess he'd ended up in, but he could certainly prevent it from happening to others. Not that anyone else would object to being adopted by Tony Stark. The situation was just shitty.

"Thanks, James," Harley whispered.

"My pleasure."

Harley pulled out his phone.

> harley: so how're y'all doing?
> 
> redneck gay: tired you
> 
> sbider: honestly what a mood
> 
> redneck gay: at least you got to sleep ive just been woken up at fucking 6 in the am
> 
> sbider: wow someones touchy today
> 
> harley: WELL, I'M DOING PEACHY, TOO!
> 
> harley: i have an ai too, now.
> 
> redneck gay: yEET
> 
> sbider: YEAH
> 
> sbider: whatdya name em
> 
> harley: james
> 
> sbider: oooh
> 
> iron dad: I love james
> 
> blue iron dad: since hwen od you call me james
> 
> blue iron dad: OH
> 
> blue iron dad: thats going to get confusing
> 
> iron dad: Not as bad as when we had barnes
> 
> blue iron dad: oh true
> 
> blue iron dad: anyway i love james too i love all the bot babies
> 
> redneck gay: oh have yall met aaron
> 
> iron dad: Yes
> 
> blue iron dad: no who is aaron
> 
> redneck gay: my snarky ai who cant send a damn proper email
> 
> redneck gay: howaiscontactwizards.png
> 
> blue iron dad: WHY DO YOU NEED A NEUROSURGEON WITH EXPERIENCE IN TEMPORAL ANOMALIES
> 
> redneck gay: i got a concussion in another timeline that was like… weirding out my abilities in this timeline because its not sUPPOSEd to carry over but did
> 
> iron dad: Wait i know that guy
> 
> iron dad: Did you ever get to see him
> 
> redneck gay: not yet i have an appt though just gotta not use my abilities until then
> 
> iron dad: Okay have fun
> 
> sbider: so how is everyone else
> 
> iron dad: Great actually now that i dont have to babysit three kids
> 
> blue iron dad: shut up tony you know you miss them
> 
> mama bear: He's sitting on the floor, crying, while this conversation is happening.
> 
> iron dad: Ab miy
> 
> iron dad: AM NOT
> 
> harley: aw tony, i'm coming home for you
> 
> iron dad: No youre the hardest to transport stay there
> 
> sbider: ill come home
> 
> iron dad: YOU WILL ALL STAY EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE AND I WILL SEE YOU FOR THANKSGIVING OKAY? WE'RE MEETING AT THE TOWER BE THERE OR BE SQUARE
> 
> harley: ok
> 
> sbider: ok
> 
> redneck gay: ok
> 
> iron dad: I love you guys
> 
> iron dad: Call me
> 
> sbider: ok
> 
> harley: yeah
> 
> redneck gay: love you too dad

* * *

 

Tony wiped away another stray tear as Pepper and Rhodey tried to comfort him. He knew his kids would be just fine, but something felt wrong. He shook it off and rose. They were superheroes. They'd be fine. Right?

He called Dr. Strange later, anyway.

"Stark, if this is about a mission, I'm afraid I'm a bit booked."

"When you see my son, could you send me the information?"

"He's at the age of majority. I don't have the right to share anything with you, I'm afraid."

"Unless it's life-or-death, correct?"

"...Yes."

"Great. So when you see Theodore Stark, please tell me whether or not he's going to live."

"..."

"He never seeks out doctors, Strange. He said he had a concussion from another timeline, but… I don't believe him. He's had inter-timeline injuries before and never asked for a doctor. They've always healed." Tony sighed. "I'm scared."

Strange paused a moment. "I'm going to help your son, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, I'm a bit busy…"

"Of course. Goodbye." Tony dropped the phone and shoved his palms in his eyes.

They'd be fine. Right?

He couldn't quite convince himself, despite the grinning selfies and energetic phone calls they sent daily.

Tony worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am freaking DOWN for polyamorous ships and i know i said i wasnt gonna write romance but yeah there are romantic moments even though i haVE NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE ROMANCE
> 
> if you saw it: yes that pun was intentional. all the puns are intentional.
> 
> so i forgot harley had a sister and then i had to be like "oh shit a SISTER what do i do" and realized she was only mentioned like twice and one of those seemed a lot like a cover so im gonna ROLL WITH IT
> 
> bACKSTORY TIME so i have an '04 civic and she's missing the c in civic on her back, hence the name.
> 
> the big yeety referenced is my dads f350 that im not fully convinced is a class d and we might actually need a cdl for when we haul the trailer. we can put ivic in his bed and he'll haul her for hours
> 
> clint lives on a farm and harley is a small-town boy theyve both definitely yote around on the back of a truck
> 
> ha so i didnt know community colleges were a real thing until like six months ago and apparently they're like our tech schools?? so if you see theo referring to something as a tech school and tony/peter/anyone else referring to the same place as a community college both are right just different terms for different places i guess
> 
> this document is so laggy i forgot what it was like to have a document that isnt lmao
> 
> im writing like 5 one-shots on the side of this so if you want updates on my dumb ideas/conspiracy theories/fics please follow my [tumblr](whatsanaccounttoagod.tumblr.com)
> 
> i dont know why i decided to focus on birthdays i honestly just wanted to write some fluffy family stuff because if super-fam isnt my favorite thing ever i dont know what is
> 
> aaron stands for Adaptive Artificially Responsive Open Neurosystem because im dumb and cant name so i intentionally tried to find a name like this
> 
> haha so this chapter is 22 pages and over 9000 words and i want to die but its the end i swear
> 
> THIS ENTIRE STORY IS ABOUT 40K WORDS AND 87 PAGES. im estimating here since the google doc is formatted differently from the story here so ao3 will give you the ACCURATE word count but gdocs is like... dying because of this lol
> 
> im so proud of myself this is the longest fic ive ever written its the longest ANYTHING ive ever written actually so YAY
> 
> id try to write this and it wasnt coming so like idk ill circle back to it and im not ditching it since i have IDEAS but i need a break before the next one sorry honeys im just burning out
> 
> im gonna TRY to time myself for like before december to post the next part (since s h o w s e a s o n is in november and january for me) but i cant guarantee anything im sorry

**Author's Note:**

> follow my tumblr for more updates: [whatsanaccounttoagod](whatsanaccounttoagod.tumblr.com)
> 
> iM GONNA GET SAPPY A SECOND BUT I LOVE YOU ALL okay sappy over


End file.
